Okuqukethwe
Nigcine nini wena nophathina wakho ukuhleka noma ukuzikhohlisa? Lapho sobabili sishwibeka emjikweni, sihamba emvuleni sizungeza idolobha ebusuku? Uma ungakhumbuli, ungasebenzisa umjovo ohlaba umxhwele wokuzijabulisa nokubi. Uchwepheshe wezomshado uJohn Gottman uthi kulula: Imibhangqwana edlala ndawonye ihlala ndawonye.
Ngesikhathi niqala ukuqomisana, cishe awuzange usigodle isikhathi samahlaya, lezimanga, nemigilingwane ehlekisayo. Usuku ngalunye lwaluwuhambo olusha, olujabulisayo. “Uzakhele ubudlelwano nothando esisekelweni somdlalo. Futhi asikho isizathu sokuyeka ukwenza lokhu lapho ucwila ebudlelwaneni “obukhulu” noma besikhathi eside,” kusho umpetha wezengqondo yomndeni uJohn Gottman encwadini entsha ethi “8 Important Dates”.
Umdlalo umnandi, umnandi, awunangqondo. Futhi ... kungenxa yalesi sizathu ukuthi sivame ukuyiphusha kuze kube sekugcineni kohlu lwemisebenzi yasekhaya ebaluleke kakhulu - eyisicefe, eyisidina, kodwa eyimpoqo. Akumangazi ukuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, umkhaya uqala ukubonwa yithi njengento evamile, njengomthwalo onzima okufanele siwuthwale emahlombe ethu.
Ukwabelana Ukuzijabulisa Nemidlalo Kudala Ukuthembana, Ukusondelana Nokuxhumana Okujulile
Ukuze ushintshe lesi simo sengqondo, ukuzijabulisa okuthakazelisayo kokubili, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umdlalo wethenisi noma izinkulumo ngomlando we-cinema, kufanele kucatshangelwe futhi kuhlelwe kusengaphambili. Ngokwe-Marriage and Family Research Center, ukuhlobana phakathi kwentokozo nenjabulo yombhangqwana kuphezulu futhi kuyembula. Lapho utshala kakhulu enjabulweni, ebunganini, nasekunakekeleni umlingani wakho, ubudlelwano benu buba buhle ngokuhamba kwesikhathi.
Ukuzijabulisa nokudlala ndawonye (ababili, akukho foni, akunazingane!) kwakha ukwethembana, ukusondelana, nokuxhumana okujulile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uhamba nge-paragliding, uhamba ngezinyawo, noma udlala igeyimu yebhodi, wabelana ngomgomo ofanayo, uhlanganyela, futhi ujabule, okuqinisa ubuhlobo bakho.
Sesha ukuvumelana
Isidingo se-adventure sikhona emhlabeni wonke, kodwa sifuna izinto ezintsha ngezindlela eziningi. Futhi awukwazi ukusho ukuthi omunye mubi noma ungcono kunomunye. Abanye abantu bayayibekezelela ingozi, badinga izigigaba ezeqisayo noma eziyingozi kakhulu ukuze bathole amazinga afanayo e-dopamine abanye abawathola ekudluleleni kancane.
Uma wena nomlingani wakho ninemibono ehlukene mayelana nokuthi yini ebaluleke njengokuzijabulisa nokuzidela, kulungile. Hlola izindawo enifana ngazo, thola lapho enihluke khona, bese nibheka izinto enivumelana ngazo.
Noma yini ingaba i-adventure, inqobo nje uma iphusha umuntu endaweni yakhe yokunethezeka.
Kweminye imibhangqwana, kuyithuba lokuthatha ikilasi lokupheka uma bengakaze bapheke ezimpilweni zabo. Noma thatha umdwebo, uma okuwukuphela kwento abayidwebile empilweni yabo yonke "induku, induku, ikhukhamba." I-adventure akudingeki ibe phezu kwentaba ekude noma ibeke ukuphila engozini. Ukufuna i-adventure kusho, empeleni, ukulwela okusha nokungavamile.
Noma yini ingaba i-adventure, inqobo nje uma iphusha umuntu endaweni yakhe yokunethezeka, imgcwalise ngenjabulo ye-dopamine.
Okokuzijabulisa
Kuhlu lwemidlalo nokuzijabulisa kwemibili, ehlanganiswe ngu-John Gottman, sikhethe engu-30. Maka abathathu abaphezulu phakathi kwayo noma qhamuka neyakho. Makube yisiqalo seminyaka yakho eminingi yohambo oluhlanganyelwe. Ngakho ungakwazi:
- Hambani nihambe intaba noma uhambo olude ndawonye niye endaweni lapho bobabili bengathanda ukuyivakashela.
- Dlalani ibhodi noma umdlalo wekhadi ndawonye.
- Khethani futhi nihlole igeyimu yevidiyo entsha ndawonye.
- Lungiselela isidlo ndawonye ngokusho iresiphi entsha; ungamema abangani bakho ukuthi bayinambitha.
- Dlala amabhola.
- Qalani ukufunda ulimi olusha ndawonye (okungenani izinkulumo ezimbalwa).
- Ukuveza isiphimiso sangaphandle enkulumweni, ukwenza ... yebo, noma yini!
- Hamba ngebhayisikili futhi uqashe i-tandem.
- Fundani umdlalo omusha ndawonye (isb. ukugibela amatshe) noma hamba uhambo lwesikebhe/nohambo lwe-kayaking.
- Hambani ndawonye ezifundweni zokuthuthukisa, zokulingisa, zokucula noma ze-tango.
- Fundani ndawonye iqoqo lezinkondlo zembongi entsha.
- Yiya ekhonsathini yomculo ebukhoma.
- Thenga amathikithi emicimbi yezemidlalo oyintandokazi yakho futhi ujabulele ababambiqhaza ndawonye.
•Bhukha indawo yokwelashwa nge-spa futhi ujabulele ubhavu oshisayo noma i-sauna ndawonye
- Dlalani izinsimbi ezahlukene ndawonye.
- Dlala inhloli enxanxatheleni yezitolo noma ekuhambeni edolobheni.
- Hamba uvakashele futhi unambitha iwayini, ubhiya, ushokoledi noma u-ayisikhilimu.
- Tshela omunye nomunye izindaba mayelana neziqephu ezibangela amahloni noma ezihlekisayo empilweni yakho.
- Gxumela ku-trampoline.
- Iya epaki ye-panda noma kwelinye ipaki letimu.
- Dlalani ndawonye emanzini: ukubhukuda, ukushushuluza emanzini, ukuntweza emanzini, i-yacht.
- Hlela usuku olungajwayelekile: hlanganani ndawana thize, zenze sengathi niqala ngqa ukubonana. Dlulisanani futhi nizame ukuyenga.
- Dweba ndawonye - nge-watercolor, amapensela noma amafutha.
- Hamba ekilasini lochwepheshe kweminye imisebenzi yezandla ehlobene nokuthunga, ukwenza imisebenzi yezandla, ukwenza izinkuni noma esondweni lombumbi.
- Yenza iphathi ye-impromptu futhi umeme wonke umuntu ongakwazi ukuza kuyo.
- Funda massage imibhangqwana.
- Bhalani incwadi yothando ngesandla sobunxele (uma omunye wenu eyinxele, bese kuba ngesandla sokudla).
- Iya emakilasini okupheka.
- Gxuma ku-bungee.
- Yenza okuthile obuhlale ufuna ukukwenza kodwa wesaba ukuzama.
Funda okwengeziwe ngezinsuku ezingu-8 ezibalulekile zikaJohn Gottman. Ungabudala kanjani ubudlelwano impilo yonke” (Audrey, Eksmo, 2019).
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: U-John Gottman ungumelaphi womndeni, umqondisi we-Relationship Research Institute (RRI), kanye nombhali wezincwadi ezimbalwa ezithengiswa kakhulu ezikhuluma ngobudlelwano bababhangqwana.