Okuqukethwe
Umama ubalulekile empilweni yomuntu ngamunye wethu. Kodwa-ke, akakwazi ukusekela kuphela, abe usekelo futhi alungiselele ukukhula, kodwa futhi aphenduke abe yi-monster ezobeka ukuvinjelwa okungabonakali empilweni yendodana yakhe. Sifunde kuchwepheshe wezifo zengqondo, isazi sezocansi, ukuthi yimiphi imilayezo yomama engase ibe buhlungu futhi ingasishintsha kanjani isimo sengqondo ngabo.
"Ngikwenzele konke", "Ngangihlale ngikunikeza okungcono kakhulu", "akukho lutho lokucabanga ngamantombazane, funda kuqala" - ekuboneni kokuqala, le mishwana ibonakala ingenabungozi. Kodwa ngokuvamile badalula izinhlobo ezintathu zomama: ukuvikela ngokweqile, «ukubulala» kanye «nomhlatshelo waphakade».
Abazali abanjalo bangawalimaza kabi amadodana abo ngokusebenzisa izindlela zokuziphatha ezilimazayo beqaphela noma bengazi. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, isazi sezocansi u-Elena Malakhova sitshele ukuthi yini ekhuthaza omama nokuthi "singayinqamula" kanjani imilayezo yabo.
1. "Ukubulala" umama
Indlela yokubona?
Ekuboneni kokuqala, owesifazane onjalo akabukeki njenge-monster nhlobo. Kodwa, ngaphandle kokuqaphela ngokwakhe, ubelokhu akha udonga olunamandla kusukela ebuntwaneni, ehlukanisa indodana yakhe ekukhangweni kwemvelo kobulili obuhlukile. Ubulili bamadodana omama abanjalo esimweni esisodwa esimweni esingathuthukisiwe, esingajwayelekile, kuziwa ekuziphatheni kobulili, ukubambezeleka okuhlukahlukene ekuthuthukisweni kwengqondo, kanti kwesinye, kungahamba endleleni yokuhlanekezela nokuphambuka.
Umama walolu hlobo usebenzisa ekuziphatheni oqaphelayo, onganakile kancane noma equlekile ezicekela phansi ingqondo nobulili bengane, zibe yingozi kakhulu kuyo. Lokhu ngokuyinhloko ngamazwi, ubudlova obungokomzimba, zonke izinhlobo zobudlova, ukuhlambalaza, izinsongo, ukuphoqelela ... Okuxakayo, lapho izihlobo nabangane "bebamba" umama ngenxa yezenzo ezingcolile, kuvela ukuthi: unesiqiniseko sokuthi ukhulisa "indoda yangempela. » Futhi ngalesi sitayela semfundo, ukuzwela akusizi ngalutho.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Ngeshwa, ubudlova ngisho nobudlova ebuntwaneni kungaholela ekuphazamisekeni okukhulu kwengqondo kanye nobulili ngesikhathi sobudala. Futhi lokhu kwephulwa akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuzilungisa. Kuhle uma, lapho ikhula, indodana kamama “obulalayo” ingabona okungenani inkinga yayo bese iphendukela kuchwepheshe ukuze bathole usizo kusenesikhathi.
2. Umama womhlatshelo
Indlela yokubona?
Umama onjalo uphila isimo somuntu ohlukunyeziwe ngombono "wokuphilela abanye." Angase angazinaki izidingo zakhe siqu elindele inkokhelo ebiza kakhulu evela enganeni—ithuba lokulawula ukuphila kwayo. Amazwi avamile emlonyeni kamama onjalo "Ngakwenzela konke, ngakhuthazela, ngahlupheka, uma nje uphila kahle" empeleni amanga amakhulu, aklanyelwe ukuthethelela ukungazimiseli kokungazi kahle ukubhekana nempilo yakho. Ngaphezu kwalokho, umhlatshelo ungaziswa kuphela yilowo owulethayo. Kuwubuwula ukulindela lokhu komunye, ikakhulukazi enganeni.
Phakathi kweziyaluyalu zobulili kumuntu wesikhathi esizayo owakhulela emndenini onjalo, kukhona i-syndrome yokulindela ukukhathazeka kokuhluleka ngokocansi kanye ne-masochism. Okuwukuphela kwento umzali oyisisulu angafundisa ingane yakhe ukuba yisisulu. Ngakho-ke, abesifazane abazisebenzisayo bazowela ngokuhlelekile kubalingani namadoda anjalo.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Indoda idinga ukufunda ukulandelela amaphethini kamama wayo ekuziphatheni kwayo futhi yakhe isimo sempilo esihlukile. Okokuqala, ezingeni lomcabango, bese udweba izingxenye zayo ngokucacile nakakhulu, futhi ekugcineni, ekusebenzeni (isibonelo, ngosuku, ungazami ukujabulisa okhethiwe kukho konke, kodwa umphathe njengomlingani olinganayo).
3. Umama ovikela ngokweqile
Indlela yokubona?
Umgomo wayo uwukugcina ingane isikhathi eside ngangokunokwenzeka endaweni yosana ngosizo lokuvikela ngokweqile nokunakekelwa ngokweqile ngenxa yokwesaba ukukhula kwayo. Ngezinkulumo nezenzo zakhe, umama onjalo uzobonisa ngayo yonke indlela ingane ukuthi isencane: "funda kuqala, bese ucabanga ngamantombazane" njalonjalo.
Inhlekelele yangempela yomama onjalo ukubonakala komlingani nendodana yakhe. Izimo zemvelo zokuhlukana, ezingelula kunoma yimuphi umama, azibekezeleleki kumama onakekela ngokweqile. Akafuni ukuzibona, azicubungule, aphile, uzama kuphela ukugcina ingane eduze kwakhe. Ebulilini bamadodana angakwazi ukugqashula ebudlelwaneni obuncikene nonina, kokubili ukuphazamiseka kwezocansi (izinkinga zokuqhafaza, ukuqhanyelwa) kanye nokuthambekela kobulili obuhlanekezelwe (isibonelo, i-Madonna and Harlot complex) ingabonwa.
Okufanele ngikwenze?
Njengoba ikhula, indodana idinga ukuphuma ebudlelwaneni obuncikene nonina, ihlukane naye futhi iphile impilo yayo. Lolu wuhlelo olude lokuzabalaza ngempoqo. Indodana kamama onjalo ifunda ukubonakalisa ukukhohlisa kwakhe, ukuzakhela imingcele, kancane kancane ibe umuntu ohlukile, omdala, okwazi ukuthwala umthwalo wemfanelo wokuphila kwakhe. Abanye bangakwazi ukuzihambela le ndlela, kanti abanye bahamba nochwepheshe kuphela.