Okuqukethwe
- 1. “Ngiyaxolisa uma…”
- 2. “Hhayi-ke, ngiyaxolisa uma…”
- 3. “Uxolo, kodwa…”
- 4. “Ngi…”
- 5. “Sengixolisile kakade”
- 6. “Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi…”
- 7. “Ngiyaqonda ukuthi…”
- 8. “Ngiyaxolisa uma…”
- 9. “Mhlawumbe…”
- 10. “[Othile] ungitshele ukuthi ngixolise kuwe”
- 11. “Kulungile! Uxolo! Wenelisekile?”
- OKUFANELE KUZWE UKUXOLISA OKUGCWELE?
Ubuqotho bubalulekile kunoma yibuphi ubuhlobo - kokubili othandweni nasebunganeni. Ngamunye wethu okungenani kwesinye isikhathi wenza amaphutha noma izenzo zokuxhamazela, ngakho-ke kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi ukwazi ukucela intethelelo ngendlela efanele futhi uhlukanise ukuxolisa okuqotho kwabangaqotho. Kwenziwa kanjani?
“Ukuzisola okuqotho nokuxolisa kungabuyisela ukwethembana, kugcobe amanxeba angokomzwelo futhi kubuyisele ubuhlobo,” kusho umelaphi womkhaya uDan Newhart. "Kodwa ukungazenzisi kukhulisa ukungezwani." Uveza izinhlobo ezingu-11 zokuxolisa okunjalo.
1. “Ngiyaxolisa uma…”
Ukuxolisa okunjalo akulungile, ngoba umuntu akathathi umthwalo ogcwele wamazwi nezenzo zakhe, kodwa kuphela "uthatha" ukuthi okuthile "kungenzeka".
izibonelo:
- “Ngiyaxolisa uma kukhona okungalungile engikwenzile.”
- “Ngiyaxolisa uma lokho kukucasulile.”
2. “Hhayi-ke, ngiyaxolisa uma…”
Lawa magama abeka icala kulowo ohlukunyeziwe. Akukona neze ukuxolisa.
- “Hhayi-ke, ngiyaxolisa uma ucasukile.”
- “Hhayi-ke, ngiyaxolisa uma ucabanga ukuthi kukhona okungalungile engikwenzile.”
- “Hhayi-ke, ngiyaxolisa uma uphatheke kabi.”
3. “Uxolo, kodwa…”
Ukuxolisa okunjalo ngokugodla akukwazi ukwelapha ukuhlukumezeka ngokomzwelo okudalwe.
- “Ngiyaxolisa, kodwa abanye endaweni yakho bebengeke basabele ngobudlova obungaka.”
- “Ngiyaxolisa, nakuba abaningi bengakuthola kuhlekisa.”
- "Ngiyaxolisa, nakuba wena (a) uqalile (a)."
- “Uxolo, angikwazanga ukuzibamba.”
- “Ngiyaxolisa, nakuba bengilungile ngokwengxenye.”
- “Hhayi-ke, ngiyaxolisa angiphelele.”
4. “Ngi…”
Lokhu ukuxolisa okuzithethelelayo. Umuntu uthi lokho abakwenzile ukukulimaza empeleni bekungenangozi noma bekufanelekile.
- “Yebo, bengidlala nje.”
- “Bengifuna ukusiza.”
- "Bengifuna ukukuqinisekisa."
- "Bengifuna ukukukhombisa umbono ohlukile."
5. “Sengixolisile kakade”
Umuntu ubukela phansi ukuxolisa kwakhe ngokumemezela ukuthi akusadingeki.
- "Sengixolisile."
- “Sengixolise izikhathi eziyisigidi ngalokho.”
6. “Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi…”
U-interlocutor uzama ukudlulisa ukuzisola kwakhe njengokuxolisa, kuyilapho engamukeli umthwalo wemfanelo.
- “Ngiyaxolisa ukuthi uphatheke kabi.”
- “Ngiyaxolisa ngokuthi kwenziwe amaphutha.”
7. “Ngiyaqonda ukuthi…”
Uzama ukunciphisa ukubaluleka kwesenzo sakhe futhi aziphendulele ngokungamukeli umthwalo wemfanelo ngobuhlungu akuzwise bona.
- “Ngiyazi ukuthi bekungafanele ngikwenze lokho.”
- "Ngiyazi bekumele ngikubuze kuqala."
- “Ngiyaqonda ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi ngiziphatha njengendlovu esitolo samachina.”
Futhi okunye okuhlukahlukene: “Uyazi ukuthi ngi…”
Uzama ukwenza sengathi ayikho ngempela into yokuxolisa futhi akufanele uphatheke kabi.
- “Uyazi ngiyaxolisa.”
- “Uyazi bengingaqondile ngempela.”
- “Uyazi angisoze ngakulimaza.”
8. “Ngiyaxolisa uma…”
Kulokhu, umenzi wobubi udinga ukuthi “ukhokhe” okuthile ngokuxolisa kwakhe.
- “Ngiyaxolisa uma uxolisa.”
- "Ngiyaxolisa uma uthembisa ukuthi ngeke uphinde ukhulume ngale ndaba."
9. “Mhlawumbe…”
Lokhu kufana nje nokuxolisa, empeleni akunjalo.
- “Mhlawumbe ngikukweleta uxolo.”
10. “[Othile] ungitshele ukuthi ngixolise kuwe”
Lokhu ukuxolisa "kwangaphandle". Omonileyo uxolisa kuphela ngoba eceliwe, kungenjalo ubengeke akwenze lokho.
- "Umama wakho uthe angixolise kuwe."
- “Umngane uthe ngikweleta uxolo.”
11. “Kulungile! Uxolo! Wenelisekile?”
Lokhu “kuxolisa” kuzwakala njengokusongela iphimbo lakho.
- “Yebo, sekwanele! Sengixolisile!”
- “Yeka ukungihlupha! Ngixolise!”
OKUFANELE KUZWE UKUXOLISA OKUGCWELE?
Uma umuntu ecela intethelelo ngobuqotho, uthi:
- ayibeki noma yiziphi izimo futhi ayizami ukubukela phansi ukubaluleka kwalokho okwenzekile;
- ubonisa ngokucacile ukuthi uyayiqonda imizwa yakho futhi uyakukhathalela;
- uyaphenduka ngempela;
- uthembisa ukuthi lokhu ngeke kuphinde kwenzeke;
- uma kufaneleka, ithembisa ukulungisa umonakalo odalekile.
“Noma yikuphi ukuxolisa akusizi ngalutho uma singakakulungeli ukulalelisisa isisulu futhi siqonde ubuhlungu esibubangele,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uHarriet Lerner. “Kumele abone ukuthi besikuqonda ngempela lokhu, ukuthi ukuzwelana kwethu nokuphenduka kuqotho, ubuhlungu nokucasuka kwakhe kusemthethweni, sikulungele ukwenza konke okusemandleni ukuze lokho okwenzekile kungaphinde kwenzeke.” Kungani abaningi bezama ukubalekela ukuxolisa okungazenzisi? Mhlawumbe banomuzwa wokuthi abenzanga lutho olubi futhi bazama nje ukugcina ukuthula ebudlelwaneni babo. Mhlawumbe banamahloni futhi bazama ngakho konke okusemandleni ukugwema le mizwa engathandeki.
UDan Newhart uthi: “Uma umuntu cishe engalokothi axolise ngamaphutha akhe nokuziphatha kwakhe okubi, angase anciphise ikhono lakhe lokuzwelana, noma abe nokuzethemba noma ukuphazamiseka kobuntu bakhe. Ukuthi kuyafaneleka yini ukuqhubeka nokuxhumana nomuntu onjalo kuyindaba yengxoxo ehlukile.
Mayelana Nombhali: UDan Newhart ungumelaphi womndeni.