Okuqukethwe
- 1. Umlingani onganelisekile ngaye ngokwakhe angase azame ukuvala isikhala esingaphakathi ngosizo lwakho.
- 2. Kunzima ukuxhumana nomuntu onjalo.
- 3. Akakunakekeli.
- 4. Uyafuna ukusiza isithandwa sakho kodwa uzizwe ungenamandla
- Okufanele ukwenze uma umlingani ehlala enganelisekile futhi engacabangi ukushintsha?
Umyalo weBhayibheli uthi: “Wothanda umakhelwane wakho njengalokhu uzithanda wena.” Kodwa kungenzeka yini ukwakha ubuhlobo obujabulisayo nomuntu ongakwazi ukunqoba ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni futhi akazange afunde ukuthanda, ukwazisa nokuhlonipha ngisho naye ngokwakhe? Kungani uthando nomuntu ongazethembi lugcwele ukucekelwa phansi nokuqhekeka?
Abanye bethu, ikakhulukazi labo abanozwela oluthuthuke kakhulu kanye ne-"savior syndrome", kubonakala sengathi abantu abanjalo bayizinto ezingcono kakhulu zothando olungapheli nobubele, futhi kungenxa yabo ingakha ubudlelwano obuzinzile obude. ubudlelwano obusekelwe ekubongeni nasekusekelaneni. Kodwa akunjalo ngaso sonke isikhathi. Futhi yingakho:
1. Umlingani onganelisekile ngaye ngokwakhe angase azame ukuvala isikhala esingaphakathi ngosizo lwakho.
Kuhle ekuqaleni—siyakuthanda ukudingeka—kodwa uma kuya kakhulu, kungase kuncike kuwe ngokweqile. Uzoqala ukuzizwa enganakile ukuthi akakuqapheli njengomuntu, kodwa lokho ongamenzela kona: induduzo, ukuphakamisa ukuzethemba, ukumzungezile ngenduduzo.
2. Kunzima ukuxhumana nomuntu onjalo.
Njengomthetho, akaboni kahle amagama futhi ubona incazelo engeyinhle eyimfihlo kuwo, ngoba uveza ukungakuthandi kwakhe kuwe. Kufanele uqaphe ngokucophelela konke okushoyo, noma uvele uhoxe kuwe, ngoba noma yikuphi ukuxhumana kugcina kukhungathekile futhi kube yinhlekisa.
Uzakwethu wenqaba usizo lapho ngokusobala eludinga
Isibonelo, umlingani angase abone ukugunyazwa kabi, noma ngokwenqaba ukunconywa (“Cha, angiqondi lutho ngakho”) noma ngokululaza (“Kulokhu ngikwenzile, kodwa angiqiniseki ukuthi ngizophumelela futhi"). Kwenzeka ukuthi udlulisela ngokuphelele ingxoxo kwesinye isihloko ("Yebo, kodwa bheka ukuthi ukwenza kangcono kangakanani!").
3. Akakunakekeli.
Uzakwethu wenqaba usizo lapho ngokusobala eludinga. Angase azizwe engakufanelekeli ukunakekelwa futhi azibheke njengomthwalo kwezinye izici zobuhlobo. Indida, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, uyakuhlukumeza ngokoqobo ngezicelo zezinye izizathu. Ufuna usizo, uzama ukusiza, futhi uyala lolu sizo. Ngenxa yalokho, uzizwa unecala, uphansi ebudlelwaneni.
4. Uyafuna ukusiza isithandwa sakho kodwa uzizwe ungenamandla
Lapho othandekayo ehlazisa ngendlela ehlelekile futhi ezibhubhisa, kuphenduka umthombo ongapheli wobuhlungu kuwe. Uchitha isikhathi namandla ukuze uphefumule impilo entsha kumlingani wakho, kodwa akafuni ukwazi ngakho futhi uyaqhubeka nokuziphendulela.
Okufanele ukwenze uma umlingani ehlala enganelisekile futhi engacabangi ukushintsha?
Uma ubuhlobo bakho buqhubeka isikhathi eside, cishe ungumuntu okhathalelayo futhi onesineke, okuyinto enhle kakhulu ngokwayo. Kodwa akumelwe ukhohlwe izidingo zakho siqu.
Ungathola ukwaneliseka ngokusiza umlingani wakho. Uma izakhiwo zakhe zingakukhathazi ngokukhethekile futhi uzibona njengento engavamile, i-quirk, akukho okumele ukhathazeke ngakho. Kodwa uma unomuzwa wokuthi udela kakhulu umlingani wakho, ukuthi imizamo yakho ihamba njengamanzi esihlabathini, futhi izidingo zakho manje zihlala zingemuva, kukhona okumele kushintshe.
Okokuqala, kufanelekile ukuqala inkhulumomphendvulwano futhi ukhulume ngokukhathazeka kwakho. Noma yini oyenzayo, akumele uvumele izidingo zakho zinganakwa futhi uzizwe unecala ngokungakwazi ukumkhipha exhaphozini. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umkhathalela kangakanani, awunasibopho ngaye nempilo yakhe.
Mayelana nombhali: UMark White uyinduna yoMnyango Wefilosofi eStaten Island College (USA), futhi ungumbhali.