Ingabe umlingani wakho uyakulimaza? Uyakuthethisa, akuthuke? Uma kunjalo, kungenzeka ukuthi uke waya ekwelashweni kwezithandani ngaphambilini. Futhi mhlawumbe nje kwandisa isimo emndenini wakho. Kungani kwenzeka?
Njengoba sibhekene nokuhlukunyezwa ngokomzwelo emndenini wethu, sizama ngazo zonke izindlela ukwenza ukuphila kwethu kube lula. Ozakwethu abahlukunyezwa umlingani womshado bavame ukusikisela ukuthi umlingani wabo baye kudokotela wezengqondo ndawonye. Kodwa abaningi bakhungathekile ngoba kusemindenini ehlukumezayo lapho amanye amaqhinga abelaphi angasebenzi. Kungani kunjalo?
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, uchwepheshe wobudlova basekhaya uStephen Stosny uyaqiniseka ukuthi iphuzu lisezicini zomuntu siqu zalabo abeza bezofuna usizo.
Ngaphandle kokulawula akukho nqubekelaphambili
Abashadikazi abalulekayo bacabanga ukuthi ababambiqhaza kulolu hlelo banamakhono okuzilawula. Okusho ukuthi, bobabili abathintekayo bangakwazi ukulawula imizwa yecala nehlazo ezibonakalisa ngokungagwemeki ngesikhathi sokwelashwa, futhi bangasusi icala ngesithunzi sabo esilimele komunye. Kodwa ebuhlotsheni obugcwele ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo, okungenani oyedwa umlingani akakwazi ukuzibamba. Ngakho-ke, ukusebenza nabashadile kuvame ukudumaza labo abacela usizo: akusizi nje uma izimo ezidingekayo zingafinyelelwa.
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zinehlaya elidala mayelana nokwelashwa kwezithandani: “Eduzane nawo wonke amahhovisi kunophawu lwebhuleki olushiywe umyeni owahudulwa ekwelapheni.” Ngokwezibalo, amadoda anethuba eliphindwe ka-10 ukwenqaba ukwelashwa kunabesifazane, kusho umbhali. Futhi yingakho abelaphi benaka kakhulu abayeni kunabafazi, bezama ukubagcina benentshisekelo kule nqubo.
Ake senze isibonelo seseshini lapho inkosikazi ifika nomyeni wayo, ezivumela ukuthi imthuke.
Umelaphi - umfazi:
“Ngicabanga ukuthi umyeni wakho uyathukuthela lapho enomuzwa wokuthi uyahlulelwa.
Indoda:
— Kulungile. Ungisola ngokoqobo ngakho konke!
Umyeni uyavumelana nemizamo yomlingani wakhe, futhi umelaphi uyamsiza ukuba abambe ukusabela kwakhe okungokomzwelo. Ekhaya, vele, konke kuzobuyela esimeni
Umelaphi - umfazi:
“Angisho ukuthi uyamlahla; Ngiqonde ukuthi uzizwa sengathi uyahlulelwa. Mhlawumbe uma usibhalele isicelo ukuze umyeni wakho azizwe sengathi uyamahlulela, ukusabela kwakhe kungamukeleka kakhudlwana.
Umfazi:
— Kodwa ngingakwenza kanjani?
— Ngiphawule ukuthi lapho umbuza ngokuthile, ugxila kulokho akwenzayo okungalungile. Usebenzisa igama elithi "wena" kakhulu. Ngiphakamisa ukuthi uphinde uthi: “Sithandwa, ngifisa sengathi singaxoxa imizuzu emihlanu lapho sifika ekhaya. Ukuxoxa nje ukuthi usuku luhambe kanjani, ngoba uma senza lokho bobabili basuke besesimweni esingcono futhi akekho omemezayo.” (kumyeni): Ungazizwa ulahliwe uma ekhuluma nawe kanjalo?
- Lutho neze. Kodwa ngiyangabaza ukuthi angakwazi ukushintsha iphimbo lakhe. Akakwazi ukuxhumana ngendlela ehlukile!
Ungakwazi yini ukukhuluma nomyeni wakho ngezwi elingamahluleli?
Bengingaqondile ukukwehlulela, bengifuna uqonde...
Umelaphi:
- Kungani ungaphindi lesi sisho ngokwethembeka izikhathi ezimbalwa ngaphezulu?
Njengoba ingenalo ikhono lokuzilawula, umyeni ngokushesha udlulisela wonke umthwalo kuye ukuze angazizwa engalungile
Futhi ngakho-ke kuvela ukuthi inkinga manje ayikona neze ukungafaneleki komyeni noma ukuthambekela kwakhe ebudloveni obungokomzwelo. Kuvele ukuthi inkinga yangempela iphimbo lenkosikazi lokwahlulela!
Umyeni uyavumelana nemizamo yomlingani wakhe, futhi umelaphi uyamsiza ukuba abambe ukusabela kwakhe okungokomzwelo. Ekhaya, konke kuzobuyela kwesijwayelekile….
Ebudlelwaneni "obuqhumayo", lolu hlobo lweseluleko esivela kumelaphi lungaba usizo. Uma indoda ikwazi ukulawula ukubonakaliswa kwayo ngokomzwelo futhi ingangabazi nomuzwa wokuthi ilungile ngaso sonke isikhathi, ingayazisa imizamo yomfazi, owalungisa kabusha izicelo zakhe. Mhlawumbe angabonisa uzwela olwengeziwe ekuphenduleni.
Kodwa empeleni, ubuhlobo babo bugcwele ubudlova. Futhi ngenxa yalokho, indoda izizwa inecala ngoba inkosikazi yenza imizamo eyengeziwe yokuyithulisa. Njengoba ingenalo ikhono lokuzilawula, ngokushesha idlulisela kuye wonke umthwalo wemfanelo ukuze ingabi nomuzwa wokuthi yayinephutha. Kwakungumkakhe owakhuluma naye ngendlela engafanele, wasebenzisa iphimbo lokumangalela, futhi ngokuvamile wayezama ukumenza abukeke kabi emehlweni omelaphi. Futhi njalo njalo njalo. Kodwa uphi umthwalo wemfanelo wendoda?
Ngokuvamile abantu abajwayele ukuhlukumeza ngokomzwelo benza izimangalo kubalingani babo vele besendleleni ephuma ehhovisi likamelaphi. Bathethisa umbhangqwana ngokuveza izihloko ezisongela isithunzi noma ezihlazisayo esimisweni.
Umngcele ukhiywe waqina?
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zivame ukutusa ukuthi abesifazane abashade nabalingani abahlukumeza ngokomzwelo bafunde ukubeka imingcele. Banikeza iseluleko esinjengalesi: “Kudingeka ufunde indlela yokuzwakalisa isigijimi sakho. Funda ukuthi, "Ngeke ngisakubekezelela lokhu kuziphatha." Umuntu oxhashazwayo udinga ukwazi ukubeka imingcele esho okuthile kumlingani wakhe.”
Ake sithi uvule icala enkantolo ngokumelene nabacekeli bempahla abafafaze ngopende imoto yakho. Futhi ijaji lithi: "Isimangalo sachithwa ngoba kwakungekho uphawu eduze kwemoto yakho "Ungapende imoto!". Iseluleko somngcele empeleni silingana nokwelashwa kwalokhu kuziphatha.
Ngiyazibuza ukuthi ngabe abelaphi abanikeza iseluleko esinjengalesi babhala phansi ukuthi “Ungantshontshi!” izinto ezibalulekile ehhovisi lakho?
Kuphela ngokuhlanganisa izimiso zakho ekuphileni kwansuku zonke lapho ungakwazi ukuhlala uwena futhi wandise ukubaluleka kwakho.
Ukushiya eceleni izinkulumo ezimbi nezingenabufakazi zokuthi abantu bayahlukunyezwa ngoba behlulekile ukubeka imingcele. Lolu hlobo lokubuka lugeja ngokuphelele izici zomlingiswa zomunye. Ukukhombisa intukuthelo, ukuthuka namagama alimazayo kumlingani wakho akuhlangene nokuthi uyakwazi ukubeka imingcele noma cha. Kanye nesihloko sengxabano yakho. Uzakwethu ophendukela kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokuhlukumeza unezinkinga ezinkulu zokuqonda izindinganiso zobuntu ezijulile, kusho uStephen Stosny.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo siphakamisa ukuzivikela hhayi ngokubeka imingcele ethile umlingani angeke ayihloniphe noma kunjalo. Kuphela ngokuhlanganisa amanani akho ekuphileni kwansuku zonke, ukuwenza abe yingxenye yeqiniso, ungakwazi ukuhlala uwena futhi wandise ukubaluleka kwakho. Futhi okokuqala, udinga ukuyeka isithombe sakho esontekile umlingani wakho onolaka azama ukukubeka kuwe. Ukuqiniseka okunamandla kokuthi unguwe futhi awukho nhlobo lokho azama ukwethula ngakho kuzosiza ekutholeni isiqondiso esifanele.
Uma ukwazi ukuqukatha ukusabela okungokomzwelo kokuqala okwenzeka ekuphenduleni ukucasulwa umlingani wakho, khona-ke uzokusiza ukuba ube nguwe. Uzoba ngumuntu owawunguye ngaphambi kokuthi ubudlelwano bakho nomlingani wakho buqhekeke. Kungaleso sikhathi kuphela lapho enye ingxenye yakho izoqonda khona ukuthi kuzodingeka uguqule isimo sakho sengqondo ngawe. Futhi ayikho enye indlela yokugcina ubuhlobo.
Mayelana nombhali: USteven Stosney isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esisebenza ngodlame lwasekhaya.