"Kungani ungavele uhambe lapho izinto zizimbi kangaka?" - ukusabela okuvame kakhulu ukuphendula ezindabeni zokuthi othile ubhekene nodlame lwasekhaya, ukululazwa, ukuhlukumeza. Kodwa, ngokusobala, yonke into ayilula kangako: izizathu ezingathi sína zenza isisulu siqhubeke nokubambeka ebuhlotsheni obubuhlungu.
Ziningi izinganekwane ngodlame lwasekhaya nezinye izinhlobo zokuhlukumeza. Abaningi bakholelwa ngephutha ukuthi izisulu zokuphathwa okunjalo ama-masochists ajabulela ukuhlukunyezwa. Kusolwa ukuthi "bakucelile" noma "bacasula" umlingani wabo ngokuhlukumeza.
Noma yini omunye umuntu ayishoyo noma ayenzayo, sinesibopho ngezenzo zethu. Kunoma iyiphi inkinga, kunezixazululo eziningi ezingenalo udlame. Kodwa abahlukumezi bavame ukukholelwa ukuthi ngumlingani ophethe ukuziphatha kwabo, futhi ngempela kunoma yiziphi izinkinga ebuhlotsheni. Okubi kunakho konke, isisulu sicabanga ngendlela efanayo.
Umjikelezo wobuxhwanguxhwangu ojwayelekile uvame ukubukeka kanje. Kwenzeka isigameko sodlame. Isisulu sithukuthele, siyesaba, silimele, sihlukumezekile. Isikhathi esithile sidlula, futhi ubuhlobo bubuyela "kokuvamile": izingxabano ziqala, ukungezwani kukhula. Esiqongweni sokushuba kwesimo, kukhona «ukuqhuma» - isigameko esisha esinobudlova. Bese umjikelezo uphinda.
Ngemva kwesigameko esinobudlova, isisulu siqala ukuhlaziya ukuziphatha kwabo futhi sizama ukushintsha
Ngezikhathi «zokuthula», ngaphandle kobudlova noma ukuhlukunyezwa, isisulu sivame ukuhamba ngezigaba eziningana. Ungu:
I-1. Ilinde lapho umlingani ehlisa umoya futhi eba "ovamile" futhi.
2. Uyakhohlwa mayelana nesigameko sobudlova, unquma ukuthethelela umhlukumezi futhi enze sengathi akwenzekanga lutho.
3. Uzama ukuchazela umlingani ukuthi unephutha ngani. Kulowo ohlukunyeziwe kubonakala sengathi uma engabonisa umhlukumezi ukuthi uziphatha kanjani ngendlela engenangqondo nokuthi ubuhlungu kangakanani kuye, khona-ke "uzoqonda konke" futhi ashintshe.
4. Ucabanga ukuthi angamshintsha kanjani. Umhlukumezi ngokuvamile uzama ukwenza isisulu sikholelwe ukuthi asiboni iqiniso ngokwanele. Ngemva kwesigameko esinodlame, isisulu siqala ukuhlaziya ukuziphatha kwabo futhi sizama ukushintsha ukuze udlame lungenzeki futhi.
Lapho beluleka izisulu zobudlova basekhaya, ochwepheshe abaningi, kuhlanganise nodokotela bengqondo nabapristi, abaziphathi ngozwela nokuqonda okufanele. Ngokuvamile bayazibuza ukuthi kungani bengabuqedi ubuhlobo nomhlukumezi. Kodwa, uma uzama ukukuthola, ngokuvamile ungathola ukuthi umuntu akashiyi, ngoba ekujuleni kwakhe uhawukela umlingani wakhe, ekholelwa ukuthi "kunzima kakhulu kuye."
Umhlukumezi uvame ukukhomba ngokungazi «nengane yangaphakathi ehlukumezekile» yomhlukumezi. Kubonakala kuye ukuthi nakanjani uzoshintsha, uma kuphela ekwazi ukuqonda ukuthi "kungcono ukumthanda." Uzitshela ukuthi uyamzwisa ubuhlungu ngoba naye uhlushwa ubuhlungu bangaphakathi avele abukhiphele kwabawela ikhwapha, hhayi ebubini.
Ngokuvamile, baziphatha ngale ndlela ngenxa yokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni lapho bahlakulela khona amandla angavamile ozwela - isibonelo, uma ebuntwaneni kwakudingeka babuke umzali wabo, umfowabo noma udadewabo exhashazwa, futhi bazizwa bengenakukwazi ukuzisiza.
Umhlukumezi ubanjwe umjikelezo ononya "wokuphindaphinda ukuphoqelelwa" emzamweni wokulungisa ukungabi nabulungisa abakubona beseyingane.
Futhi manje umuntu usekhulile, waqala ubuhlobo bothando, kodwa izinkumbulo ezibuhlungu ezilele azikadluli, futhi ukungqubuzana kwangaphakathi kusadingeka kuxazululwe. Edabukela umhlukumezi wakhe, uwela embuthanweni ononya "wokuphindaphinda okungenangqondo", njengokungathi ngokuphindaphindiwe uzama "ukulungisa" ukungabi nabulungisa ayekubona ebuntwaneni. Kodwa uma ezama “ukuthanda kangcono” umlingani wakhe, uzomane asebenzise leli thuba ukuze amkhohlise ngisho nangokwengeziwe, esebenzisa ikhono lakhe lokuzwelana nezinjongo zakhe.
Ngisho noma abanye bebona indlela umhlukumezi aziphatha ngayo ngendlela enyanyekayo futhi enyanyekayo, ngokuvamile kuba nzima ngomhlukumezi ukuba akubone lokhu. Uba nohlobo lokukhohlwa mayelana nokuhlukunyezwa kwakhe; ukhohlwa yizo zonke izinto ezimbi ezenzeka ebudlelwaneni. Ngakho, ingqondo yakhe izama ukuzivikela ekuhlukumezekeni ngokomzwelo. Udinga ukuqonda: lokhu kuyindlela yokuvikela ngempela, nakuba engenampilo kakhulu futhi engakhiqizi.
Umthombo: PsychoCentral.