Kungani ingane yeba nokuthi ungayimisa kanjani

Uma ngitshelwa abazali ingane yabo eyebile, into yokuqala engiyibuzayo ukuthi: “Ineminyaka emingaki?” Ngezinye izikhathi impendulo yanele ukuqonda ukuthi ungaqhubeka kanjani.

Iminyaka yobudala ingxabano

Kuze kube yiminyaka engu-3-4 ubudala, izingane azibeki umkhawulo womhlaba "ngowami" kanye "nowomunye umuntu". Ngokungenamahloni bathatha i-scoop kumakhelwane ebhokisini lesihlabathi noma izinto esikhwameni somunye umuntu. Izingane azisihloli isenzo sazo njengesibi. Kubazali, lesi yisikhathi sokukhuluma ngendlela efinyelelekayo mayelana nemingcele - eyabo kanye nabanye abantu, mayelana nokuhle nokubi. Le ngxoxo kuzodingeka iphindwe izikhathi ezingaphezu kwesisodwa - kunzima ezinganeni ezincane ukuqonda imiqondo enjalo engabonakali.

Lapho zineminyaka engu-5-6, izingane seziyazi ukuthi ukweba kubi. Kodwa kule minyaka, izingxenye zobuchopho ezinesibopho sokuzithiba futhi zizobe zingakakhiwa. Ukuhlolwa kwe-Stanford nge-marshmallows kwabonisa ukuthi okuwukuphela kwento egcina ingane eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala ekuphuzeni uswidi owenqatshelwe etafuleni ukwesaba ukujeziswa. Futhi uma kungekho muntu oqaphela ukuthunjwa, khona-ke angase angazithibi futhi athathe lokho akufunayo. Kule minyaka, ukwazi kusakhula kuphela.

Ngeminyaka engu-6-7, izingane sezivele zilawula ukuziphatha kwazo futhi zilandela imithetho yezenhlalakahle. Amandla okunamathela kumuntu omdala wakho nawo asevuthiwe kakade: kubalulekile ukuba ingane ibe yinto ebalulekile futhi ithandeke. Ukuziphatha okubi kubeka ubudlelwano engozini. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, indawo ahlala kuyo phakathi kontanga yakhe iba yinto ebalulekile enganeni. Futhi isisusa sokweba kungase kube umona ngezinye izingane.

Kodwa kunezingane okuthi, ngisho nalapho sezineminyaka engu-8, zisabhekana nobunzima bokuzithiba. Kunzima ukuthi balawule izifiso zabo, bahlale phansi, bagxile esifundweni esisodwa. Lokhu kungenzeka ngenxa yesakhiwo sangaphakathi se-psyche noma ngokumelene nesizinda sezimo ezicindezelayo.

Ezinganeni zesikole ezineminyaka engaphezu kwengu-8, imiqondo ethi "okwakho" kanye "nomfokazi", "okuhle" futhi "okubi" isivele kwakhiwa, futhi iziqephu zokweba azivamile kakhulu. Lokhu kungenzeka uma ukuthuthukiswa kwe-volitional sphere kusele ngemuva kwenkambiso yeminyaka - ngenxa yezizathu zomzimba noma ngenxa yezimo ezinzima zempilo. Noma ngenxa yamaphutha okufundisa abazali, njengokuvikela ngokweqile kanye nesitayela sokukhulisa izingane. Kodwa ngisho nokunikezwa isifiso sakhe sokuthatha esomunye umuntu, ingane izozizwa ihlazekile futhi iphike okwenzekile.

Eminyakeni engu-12-15 ubudala, ukweba kakade kuyisinyathelo esiqaphelayo, futhi mhlawumbe umkhuba osugxilile. Intsha iyazi kahle izindinganiso zokuziphatha okuhle, kodwa kunzima kubo ukulawula ukuziphatha kwabo - baqhutshwa imizwelo, bathinteka izinguquko ze-hormonal. Ngokuvamile intsha intshontsha ngaphansi kwengcindezi yenkampani ukuze ibonise isibindi sayo futhi yamukelwe ontanga.

Kungani izingane zithatha eyomunye umuntu

Akubona ubumpofu bomndeni obuphusha ingane ukuthi intshontshe. Izingane eziphuma emikhayeni emi kahle, ngaphandle kokushoda kwanoma yini, ziyantshontsha. Yini eshoda enganeni eyenza lesi senzo?

Ukungabi nokuqwashisa kanye nolwazi lwempilo

Lesi yisizathu esingenabungozi kakhulu. Ingane yayingacabangi nje ukuthi umnikazi wento eyebiwe wayezocasuka. Noma wanquma ukumangala othile futhi wathatha imali kubazali bakhe - akakwazanga ukubuza, ngaphandle kwalokho ukumangala kwakungeke kwenzeke. Ngokuvamile, ngenxa yalesi sizathu, omunye umuntu unikezwa izingane ezingaphansi kweminyaka engu-5 ubudala.

Ukuntuleka kokuziphatha, ukuziphatha kanye nentando

Izingane ezineminyaka engu-6-7 ubudala ziyeba ngenxa yomona noma isifiso sokuziqinisa, ukuze zithole ukuqashelwa kontanga yazo. Intsha ingantshontsha ngenxa yesizathu esifanayo, ibhikishe ngokumelene nemithetho emisiwe, ibonise ukunganaki nokudelela kwayo.

Ukuntula ukunakwa nothando lwabazali

Ukweba kungaba «ukukhala komphefumulo» kwengane engenabo ubuhlobo obufudumele emndenini. Ngokuvamile, izingane ezikhulela ezimweni ezinjalo zinezinye izici: ulaka, ukukhala, ukucasuka, ukuthambekela kokungalaleli nokungqubuzana.

Ukukhathazeka nokuzama ukumehlisa umoya

Lapho izidingo zengane zingabonakali isikhathi eside, azinelisekile, uyeka ukuthembela imizwa yakhe, izifiso futhi ulahlekelwa ukuxhumana nomzimba. Ukukhathazeka kuyakhula. Ngenkathi entshontsha, akaqapheli ukuthi wenzani. Ngemva kokweba, ukukhathazeka kuzodamba, kodwa-ke kuzobuya, kubhebhethekiswe umuzwa wecala.

Uma isimo siyinkimbinkimbi ngokuzwela okuphezulu kwengane, ukunyakaza kwakamuva, ukuzalwa kwabancane, ukuqala kwesikole, ukulahlekelwa othandekayo, khona-ke ukukhathazeka kuqinisa izikhathi eziningi futhi kungabangela i-neurosis. Ngokumelene nalesi sizinda, ingane ayikulawuli ukuthatheka kwayo.

Ayikho imithetho ecacile emndenini

Izingane zilingisa ukuziphatha kwabantu abadala. Futhi abaqondi ukuthi kungani umama engathatha isikhwama semali kubaba ephaketheni lakhe, kodwa abakwazi? Kuyafaneleka ukuxoxa njalo ngokuthi umndeni uwuphatha kanjani imingcele yawo kanye nempahla yabanye abantu. Kungenzeka yini ukulanda ama-movie nomculo kumasayithi e-pirate, ulethe izinto zokubhala ezivela emsebenzini, uthathe isikhwama semali elahlekile noma ifoni futhi ungamfuni umnikazi. Uma ungakhulumi ngalokhu nomntwana, unikeza izibonelo eziqondakalayo kuye, khona-ke uzokwenza konke okusemandleni akhe ukuqonda okulungile.

Ukuntula ukwesekwa kwabantu abadala kanye nokuzethemba

Ontanga kanye nezingane ezindala bangaphoqa ingane ukuthi yebe: ukufakazela ukuthi ayilona igwala, ifanelwe ilungelo lokuba yingxenye yenkampani. Kubalulekile ukuthi ingane ibathemba kangakanani abantu abadala. Uma abazali bevame ukugxeka futhi bamsole, ngaphandle kokungena esimweni, ngakho-ke akathembeli ekuvikelweni kwabo. Futhi lapho zintshontshe ngaphansi kwengcindezi kanye, izingane zizifaka engozini yokuba izisulu zokusolwa nokuqolwa.

Izinkinga Zempilo Yengqondo

Okunzima kakhulu, kodwa futhi isici esingavamile kakhulu ezinganeni isifo esingokwengqondo njenge-kleptomania. Lokhu kuwukukhanga kwe-pathological ekwebeni. Into eyebiwe ingase ingadingeki noma ibaluleke. Umuntu angayimosha, ayinike mahhala, noma ayifihle angaphinde ayisebenzise. Udokotela wengqondo usebenza nalesi simo.

Indlela yokuphendula njengomuntu omdala

Abazali ingane yabo yathatha eyomunye umuntu, ngokudideka nokuphelelwa ithemba, besabela ikusasa labo. Yebo, abazange bamfundise lokho. Futhi indlela yokusabela akucaci.

Okufanele ngikwenze?

• Ungajahi ukujezisa ingane ukuze "uvimbele ukuntshontsha kuze kube phakade." Udinga ukulungisa umsuka wenkinga. Zama ukuqonda ukuthi kungani ingane yenze lokhu. Okuningi kuxhomeke eminyakeni yayo, izisusa zokweba, izinhlelo ezengeziwe zentshontsho kanye nobuhlobo nomnikazi wayo.
• Kubalulekile ukuthi iqiniso lokweba latholwa kanjani: ngengozi noma ngengane ngokwayo. Kubalulekile futhi ukuthi uhlobana kanjani nesenzo: ingabe ucabanga ukuthi konke kuhamba ngohlelo lwezinto, noma unamahloni, uyaphenduka? Kwesinye isimo, udinga ukuzama ukuvusa unembeza wengane, ngakolunye - ukuchaza ukuthi kungani enze kabi.
• Kunoma yikuphi ungabizi ingane ngesela - ungalengi amalebula, noma ngabe uthukuthele kakhulu! Ungasabisi amaphoyisa, ungathembisi ikusasa lobugebengu. Kumelwe abe nomuzwa wokuthi usafaneleka ukuba nobuhlobo obuhle.
• Sola isenzo ngokwaso, kodwa hhayi ingane. Into eyinhloko ayikona ukubangela umuzwa wecala, kodwa ukuchaza ukuthi lowo olahlekelwe impahla yakhe uzizwa kanjani futhi abonise izindlela ezingenzeka zokuphuma esimweni.
• Kuhle ukunikeza ingane ithuba lokuzilungisa konke: buyisela into, xolisa. Ungamenzeli. Uma amahloni embopha, msize abuyisele into ngaphandle kofakazi.
• Uma kungekho ukuzisola, kufanele uveze ngokucacile ukungavumi kwakho. Kwenze kucace ukuthi isenzo esinjalo asamukelekile emndenini wakho. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, kubalulekile ukusakaza ngokuthula kumntwana: ukholelwa ukuthi ngeke aphinde akwenze lokhu.
• Uma ingane yakho idinga usizo ngezinkinga ezingokwengqondo, thintana nochwepheshe. Thola ukuthi yini ebangela ukukhathazeka kwakhe, futhi uzame ukukunciphisa, okungenani wanelise izidingo zakhe ngokwengxenye.
• Ekuxabaneni nontanga, thatha uhlangothi lwengane. Mqinisekise ukuthi ngeke umvumele acasuke, futhi ucele ukuthola indlela yokuphuma kuleso simo ndawonye.
• Qinisa ukuzethemba kwengane yakho. Inyanga ngemva kwesiqephu, phawula futhi ugcizelele ukuthi wenzani kahle futhi ungagxili kulokho angakwenzi.

Uma ingane yabele omunye umuntu, ungethuki. Cishe, ngemva kwengxoxo eyodwa enemininingwane mayelana nezinkambiso nezindinganiso, mayelana nezifiso zengane kanye nobudlelwane bakho emndenini, lokhu ngeke kuphinde kwenzeke.

Ngisho noma uqonda ukuthi isizathu sisemaphutheni ezemfundo owawenza, ungazithethisi. Vele wamukele leli qiniso futhi uguqule isimo. Namathela kumthetho othi: "Isibopho kumele singabi nacala."