Sibakweletani abazali?

Abantu besikhathi sethu baphila isikhathi eside namuhla kuneminyaka eyikhulu edlule. Ngenxa yalokhu, sihlala siyizingane isikhathi eside: singazizwa sithandwa, sijabulele ukunakekelwa, sazi ukuthi kunothile ukuphila kwethu okuyigugu kakhulu kuye kunokwakhe. Kodwa kukhona olunye uhlangothi.

Lapho sesikhulile, iningi lethu lizithola lisesimweni lapho kufanele sinakekele izingane nabazali ngesikhathi esisodwa. Lesi simo sezindaba sesaziwa ngokuthi “isizukulwane samasandwich.”

“Sihlukaniswe izizukulwane ezimbili ezingomakhelwane - izingane zethu (nabazukulu!) nabazali - futhi sibanamathisele ndawonye njengokugcwalisa isemishi kuhlanganisa izingcezu ezimbili zesinkwa," kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo senhlalo uSvetlana Komissaruk, Ph.D. “Sihlanganisa wonke umuntu, sinesibopho sayo yonke into.”

Izinhlangothi ezimbili

Abazali bahlala nathi noma ngokwehlukana, ngezinye izikhathi bayagula, kalula noma ngokungathí sina, unomphela noma okwesikhashana, futhi badinga ukunakekelwa. Futhi ngezinye izikhathi bavele banesithukuthezi futhi bafuna ukuba sinake kakhulu, sihlele ukudla kwakusihlwa komndeni noma sivakashele, sichithe amaholide ndawonye, ​​siye eholidini nomndeni omkhulu. Ngezinye izikhathi sifuna ukuba banakekele izingane zethu, okusivumela ukuba sinikele isikhathi esengeziwe kithi nasemisebenzini yethu.

Ngokushesha noma kancane, bayaguga - futhi badinga usizo lokugibela izitebhisi, bangene emotweni futhi babophe ibhande labo lesihlalo. Futhi asisenalo ithemba lokuthi sizokhula futhi sizimele. Noma singakhathala yilo mthwalo, asisenalo ithemba lokuthi lokhu kuzophela ngelinye ilanga, ngoba lokho kuyosho ukuba nethemba lokufa kwabo - futhi asizivumeli ukucabanga ngakho.

Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Oksana Rybakova sithi: “Kungase kube nzima ngathi ukunakekela izihlobo esezikhulile uma ebuntwaneni singakuboni ukunakwa okuningi.

U-Irina, oneminyaka engu-42, uyakhumbula: “Umama wayengafudumali neze.” — Kwenzeka ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene, kodwa ekugcineni sajwayelana. Manje ngiyamnakekela futhi ngibhekana nemizwa ehlukene, kusukela ekubeni nozwela kuye ekucasukeni. Lapho ngokuzumayo ngiqaphela indlela aphelelwa amandla ngayo, ngiba nomuzwa wobubele obudlulele nesihawu. Futhi lapho engimangalela, ngezinye izikhathi ngiphendula kabuhlungu bese ngihlushwa umuzwa wecala. ”

Ngokuqaphela imizwa yethu, sakha igebe phakathi komzwelo nesenzo. Kwesinye isikhathi uyakwazi ukwenza ihlaya esikhundleni sokuthukuthela, futhi kwesinye isikhathi kufanele ufunde ukwamukela.

U-Dmitry oneminyaka engu-45 ubudala uthi: “Ngisikela ubaba izicucu zenyama epuletini futhi ngibona ukuthi akanelisekile, nakuba engenankinga. Gcwalisa amaphepha, usize ukugqoka… Kodwa futhi ukame izinwele zakho, geza ubuso bakho, xubha amazinyo akho—ukunakekela inhlanzeko nezinqubo zezokwelapha kungaba buhlungu kubadala.

Uma ubumnandi bethu buhlangabezana nokubonga kwabo, lezi zikhathi zingakhanya futhi zikhumbuleke. Kodwa siyakwazi nokubona ukucasuka nokucasuka kwabazali. “Eminye yale mizwelo ayibhekisiwe kithi, kodwa esimweni sokungabi namandla kwethu,” kuchaza u-Oksana Rybakova.

Isikweletu esihle sidinga elinye?

Ubani futhi kanjani onquma ukuthi yini esiyikweleta abazali nalokho esingakukweleti? Ayikho impendulo eyodwa. “Umqondo womsebenzi ungowezinga lenani, ezingeni elifanayo lapho sihlangana khona nemibuzo: ngani? ngani? ngayiphi injongo? Liyini iphuzu? Ngesikhathi esifanayo, umqondo womsebenzi uyisakhiwo somphakathi, futhi thina, njengabantu abahlala emphakathini, sivame ukuhambisana nezinga elithile noma okunye okunqunyiwe ukuze singanqatshwa yilo mphakathi, u-Oksana Rybakova uphawula. 

- Ngokombono womthetho wezinhlelo ezijwayelekile, owachazwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseJalimane nesazi sefilosofi uBert Hellinger, abazali banomsebenzi maqondana nezingane - ukufundisa, ukuthanda, ukuvikela, ukufundisa, ukuhlinzeka (kuze kufike eminyakeni ethile ). Izingane azibakweleti lutho abazali bazo.

Uma betshale imali ekwamukeleni, othandweni, ekukholweni, ethubeni, ekunakekelweni, abazali bangalindela isimo sengqondo esifanayo ngabo uma kufika isikhathi.

Ukuthi kuzoba nzima kangakanani kithina nabazali bethu kuncike kakhulu endleleni thina ngokwethu esibheka ngayo okwenzekayo: kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sikubheka njengesijeziso, umthwalo, noma isigaba esingokwemvelo ekuphileni. U-Ilona oneminyaka engu-49 uthi: “Ngizama ukubheka ukunakekela abazali bami nesidingo sabo sakho njengesiphetho esingokwemvelo ekuphileni kwabo okude, okunempilo nokuphumelelayo.

Kudingeka umhumushi!

Ngisho noma sesikhulile, sifuna ukuba kahle kubazali bethu futhi siphatheke kabi uma singaphumeleli. “Umama uthi: Angidingi lutho, abese ecasuka uma amazwi akhe ethathwa njengoba enjalo,” udidekile uValentina oneminyaka engu-43.

"Ezimweni ezinjalo, kusele kuphela ukuvuma ukuthi lokhu kuwukukhohlisa, isifiso sokukulawula ngecala," kusho u-Oksana Rybakova. Asibona i-telepathic futhi asikwazi ukufunda izidingo zabanye. Uma sibuza ngokuqondile futhi sithola impendulo eqondile, senza konke okusemandleni ethu.

“Abazali ngokuvamile abaqapheli ukuthi umbono wabo ngezinto awukona ukuphela okungaba khona,” kuphawula uSvetlana Komissaruk. “Bakhulele kwelinye izwe, ubuntwana babo babuchitha ebunzimeni. Ukuphazamiseka komuntu siqu ngabo ngemuva, bekufanele bakubekezelele futhi bangakhonondi.

Ukugxekwa kwakuyithuluzi eliyinhloko lemfundo kwabaningi. Abaningi babo abakaze bezwe ngisho nokuqashelwa kokuhluka komuntu siqu kwengane. Basikhulisa ngokusemandleni abo, njengoba bona ngokwabo bekhula. Ngenxa yalokho, abaningi bethu bazizwa bengathandwa, benganconywa.” Futhi kusenzima kithina nabo, ngoba ubuhlungu bezingane buphendula ngaphakathi.

Kodwa abazali bayaguga, badinga usizo. Futhi kuleli qophelo kulula ukuthatha indima yomhlengi olawulayo owazi kangcono ukuthi angasiza kanjani. Kunezizathu ezimbili, uyaqhubeka uSvetlana Komissaruk: “Kuphakathi kokuthi, ngenxa yokwanda kokukhathazeka kwakho, awumethembi othandekayo wakho ngezinkinga zakhe siqu futhi ulwela ukuvimbela ukwehluleka kwakhe, njengoba kubonakala kuwe, ukwehluleka ngazo zonke izindlela. Noma ubona injongo yokuphila ngosizo nokunakekelwa, futhi ngaphandle kwalokhu awukwazi ukucabanga ubukhona bakho. Zombili izizathu zixhumene nawe, futhi hhayi neze ngento yosizo.

Kulesi simo, kufanele uqaphele imingcele yakho nezisusa zakho ukuze ungabeki ukunakekelwa. Ngeke saliwe uma silinda size sicelwe usizo futhi sihloniphe inkululeko yokuzikhethela yabazali. “Kuphela ngokuhlukanisa lami hhayi ibhizinisi lami, sibonisa ukunakekela kwangempela,” kugcizelela uSvetlana Komissaruk.

Ubani uma kungeyena thina?

Kungenzeka yini ukuthi singalitholi ithuba lokunakekela abadala bethu? UMarina oneminyaka engu-32, umama wezingane ezimbili uthi: “Umyeni wami wathenjiswa umsebenzi kwelinye izwe, futhi sanquma ukuthi umkhaya wami ungahlukani,” kusho uMarina oneminyaka engu-92, umama wezingane ezimbili, “kodwa sinogogo womyeni wami olele embhedeni. Iminyaka engu-XNUMX. Asikwazi ukumthwala, naye akafuni. Sithole indawo yokuhlala ekahle, kodwa bonke esibaziyo bayasigxeka.”

Bangu-7% kuphela abavumayo ukuthi kungenzeka bafakwe ezikhungweni ezinjalo¹. Isizathu asikho nje kuphela esikweni labantu abampofu lokuhlala emphakathini, emndenini owandisiwe, okugxilwe enkumbulweni yokhokho bethu, kodwa naseqinisweni lokuthi “umbuso ubulokhu unesithakazelo ekwenzeni izingane zizizwe zinesibopho kubazali bazo, kodwa futhi naphezu kweqiniso lokuthi “umbuso unesithakazelo sokwenza izingane zizizwe zinesibopho kubazali bazo. ” kusho u-Oksana Rybakova, “ngoba Kulokhu, ukhululiwe esidingweni sokunakekela labo abangasakwazi ukusebenza futhi abadinga ukunakekelwa njalo. Futhi azikabikho izindawo eziningi kakhulu lapho benganikeza khona ukunakekelwa kwekhwalithi.

Singase sikhathazeke nangokuthi hlobo luni lwesibonelo esisibekela izingane zethu nokuthi isiphi isiphetho esisilindele lapho sesikhulile. "Uma umzali osekhulile enikezwa ukunakekelwa okudingekayo, ukunakekelwa kwezokwelapha, ukunakekelwa nokusekelwa, uma ukuxhumana kugcinwa, lokhu kungabonisa abazukulu indlela yokugcina imfudumalo nothando," u-Oksana Rybakova uyaqiniseka. Futhi indlela yokuyihlela ngobuchwepheshe, wonke umuntu uyazinqumela, ecabangela izimo zakhe.

Qhubeka uphile

Uma umndeni unomuntu omdala okhululekile emsebenzini, onempilo enhle, okwazi ukunikeza okungenani ukunakekelwa kwezokwelapha okuyisisekelo, khona-ke kulula kakhulu ukuba umuntu osekhulile ahlale ekhaya, izimo ezijwayelekile, efulethini lapho izinkumbulo eziningi zikhona. okuhlobene.

Nokho, kuyenzeka futhi ukuthi umuntu osekhulile abone nsuku zonke indlela izihlobo ezimnakekela ngayo, zimkhandla. Futhi-ke, ngenkathi ugcina isimo sengqondo esibucayi ekubhekaneni neqiniso, lokhu kubuka kungase kube nzima, kanye nokuqaphela ukungabi namandla komuntu kanye nomthwalo owudalela abanye. Futhi ngokuvamile kuba lula kuwo wonke umuntu uma okungenani ezinye zezinkathazo zingaphathiswa ochwepheshe.

“Ngihlanza i-litter box, ngilungise futhi ngenze itiye kusihlwa, kodwa isikhathi esisele umhlengikazi unakekela umama, amsize ngendlu yangasese nemithi. Bengingeke nganele kukho konke lokhu!” - kusho uDina oneminyaka engu-38 ubudala, umama osebenzayo wendodana eneminyaka emihlanu ubudala.

“Umphakathi ulindele ukuthi indodakazi izonakekela abazali bayo kunokunakekela indodana; umalokazana noma umzukulu,” kusho u-Oksana Rybakova, “kodwa okuzokwenzeka kuwe kukuwe.”

Noma ngubani onakekela isihlobo, impilo ayimi ngesikhathi salo msebenzi futhi ayikhathali. Uma singakwazi ukusondela kithi kanye nabanye hhayi njengomuntu okufanele alalele imithetho futhi afeze imisebenzi, kodwa njengomuntu ophilayo oguquguqukayo, khona-ke kulula ukwakha noma yibuphi ubuhlobo.

1. Izvestia ngokubhekisela ocwaningweni lwe-NAFI Analytical Center, iz.ru 8.01.21.