Ukuzwiwa kusho ukuthola ukuqashelwa kobungqayizivele bomuntu, isiqinisekiso sokuba khona komuntu. Lesi cishe isifiso esivame kakhulu kulezi zinsuku - kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo esiyingozi kakhulu. Singenza kanjani isiqiniseko sokuthi sizwakala emsindweni osizungezile? Indlela yokukhuluma «okwangempela»?
Akukaze nanini ngaphambili sixhumane, sikhulume, sibhale kakhulu. Ngokuhlangene, ukuphikisana noma ukuphakamisa, ukugxeka noma ukuhlanganisa, futhi ngamunye ukuveza ubuntu bakhe, izidingo kanye nezifiso. Kodwa ingabe ukhona umuzwa wokuthi siyezwa ngempela? Hhayi njalo.
Kunomehluko phakathi kwalokho esicabanga ukuthi sikusho nalokho esikushoyo ngempela; phakathi kwalokho omunye akuzwayo nalokho esicabanga ukuthi uyezwa. Ngaphezu kwalokho, esikweni lanamuhla, lapho ukuzethula kungenye yemisebenzi ebaluleke kakhulu, futhi isivinini siyindlela entsha yobudlelwano, inkulumo ayisahloselwe ngaso sonke isikhathi ukwakha amabhuloho phakathi kwabantu.
Namuhla siyabazisa abantu ngabanye futhi siba nesithakazelo ngokwengeziwe kithi ngokwethu, sibheka eduze kakhulu ngaphakathi kwethu. “Omunye wemiphumela yokunaka okunjalo ukuthi ingxenye ebalulekile yomphakathi ibeka kuqala isidingo sokuzibonakalisa ngokulimaza ikhono lokubona,” kuphawula umelaphi wamaGestalt uMikhail Kryakhtunov.
Singabizwa umphakathi wezikhulumi ongezwa muntu.
Imilayezo eya ndawo
Ubuchwepheshe obusha buletha u-"I" wethu phambili. Izinkundla zokuxhumana zitshela wonke umuntu ukuthi siphila kanjani, sicabangani, sikuphi nokuthi sidlani. U-Inna Khamitova, udokotela wezifo zengqondo womkhaya, uthi: “Kodwa lezi izitatimende ezikhuluma ngendlela eyodwa, inkulumo engabhekiswe kunoma ubani ngokukhethekile. "Mhlawumbe lokhu kuyindlela yabantu abanamahloni abesaba kakhulu impendulo engemihle emhlabeni wangempela."
Bathola ithuba lokuveza imibono yabo futhi baziqinise, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo bazifaka engozini yokulondoloza ukwesaba kwabo nokubhajwa endaweni ebonakalayo.
Kumamnyuziyamu kanye nangemuva kokubuka indawo, wonke umuntu uthwebula izithombe ozishuthe zona - kubonakala sengathi akekho obuka omunye, noma kuleyo misebenzi yobuciko abekade eyiyo kule ndawo. Inani lemilayezo-izithombe likhulu ngokuphindwe kaningi kunenani lalabo abangalibona.
"Esikhaleni sobudlelwane, kukhona ukuchichima kwalokho okutshaliwe, ngokungafani nalokho okuthathwayo," kugcizelela uMikhail Kryakhtunov. “Ngamunye wethu uzama ukuveza imizwa yakhe, kodwa ekugcineni kuholela ekubeni nesizungu.”
Oxhumana nabo baya ngokushesha kakhulu futhi, ngenxa yalokhu kukodwa, bancipha kakhulu.
Ukusakaza okuthile ngathi, asazi noma kukhona yini ngakolunye uhlangothi lwentambo. Asihlangani nempendulo futhi singabonakali phambi kwawo wonke umuntu. Kodwa kungaba okungalungile ukusola izindlela zokuxhumana ngayo yonke into. “Ukube besingenaso isidingo sazo, ngabe azizange zivele,” kusho uMikhail Kryakhtunov. Siyabonga kubo, singashintshana ngemiyalezo noma nini. Kodwa othintana nabo baya ngokuya beshesha kakhulu futhi, ngenxa yalokhu kuphela, bancipha kancane. Futhi lokhu akusebenzi kuphela ezingxoxweni zebhizinisi, lapho ukunemba kuza kuqala, hhayi ukuxhumana ngokomzwelo.
Sicindezela inkinobho "igagasi" ngaphandle kokuqonda nokuthi siphakamisela bani nokuthi ubani obuyisela emuva. Imitapo yolwazi ye-Emoji inikeza izithombe zazo zonke izikhathi. Smiley - fun, another smiley - ukudabuka, izandla ezigoqiwe: "Ngiyakhuleka kuwe." Kukhona nemishwana esenziwe ngomumo yezimpendulo ezijwayelekile. “Ukuze ubhale ukuthi “ngiyakuthanda”, udinga nje ukucindezela inkinobho kanye, akudingekile nokuba uthayiphe incwadi ngohlamvu, kuqhuba umelaphi we-Gestalt. "Kepha amagama angadingi mcabango noma umzamo anciphe, alahlekelwa incazelo yawo." Akukona yini ukuthi kungani sizama ukubaqinisa, sinezela kubo «kakhulu», «ngempela», «ngokwethembeka ngobuqotho» nokunye okunjalo? Bagcizelela isifiso sethu esijulile sokudlulisela imicabango yethu nemizwelo yethu kwabanye - kodwa futhi nokungaqiniseki ukuthi lokhu kuzophumelela.
indawo encishisiwe
Okuthunyelwe, ama-imeyili, imilayezo yombhalo, ama-tweets kusigcina sikude nomunye umuntu nomzimba wakhe, imizwa yakhe nemizwelo yethu.
U-Inna Khamitova uthi: “Ngenxa yokuthi ukuxhumana kwenzeka ngemishini edlala indima yokuba umxhumanisi phakathi kwethu nomunye, umzimba wethu awusahileleki kukho, kodwa ukuba ndawonye kusho ukulalela izwi lomunye, ukuhogela. yena, ebona imizwelo engashiwongo futhi abe sesimweni esifanayo.
Asivamile ukucabanga ngeqiniso lokuthi uma sisendaweni efanayo, sibona futhi sibona isizinda esifanayo, lokhu kusisiza ukuba siqondane kangcono.
Uma sixhumana ngokungaqondile, khona-ke "isikhala sethu esivamile sincishisiwe," kuqhubeka uMikhail Kryakhtunov, "angiboni i-interlocutor noma, uma kuyi-Skype, isibonelo, ngibona kuphela ubuso nengxenye yekamelo, kodwa angiboni. ngiyazi ukuthi yini engemuva komnyango, ukuthi imphazamisa kangakanani omunye, ukuthi isimo sinjani, kufanele aqhubeke nengxoxo noma acime ngokushesha.
Mina ngithatha ngokwami lokho okungahlangene nami. Kodwa akakuzwa lokho nami.
Okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu okujwayelekile okwamanje kuncane - asinakho ukuxhumana okuncane, indawo yokuxhumana ngokwengqondo incane. Uma sithatha ingxoxo evamile njenge-100%, khona-ke lapho sixhumana sisebenzisa amagajethi, u-70-80% uyanyamalala. Lokhu bekungeke kube inkinga uma ukukhulumisana okunjalo bekungaphenduki kube umkhuba omubi, esiwudlulisela ekukhulumisaneni okuvamile kwansuku zonke.
Kuya kuba nzima ukuthi siqhubeke sithintana.
Ubukhona obugcwele bomunye oseduze abunakuthathelwa indawo ngezindlela zobuchwepheshe
Ngokuqinisekile, abaningi baye babona lesi sithombe endaweni ethile e-cafe: abantu ababili bahlezi etafuleni elifanayo, ngamunye ebuka idivayisi yakhe, noma mhlawumbe bona ngokwabo bebesesimweni esinjalo. "Lesi isimiso se-entropy: izinhlelo eziyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu zihlukana zibe lula, kulula ukwehlisa izinga kunokuthuthukiswa," kusho umelaphi we-Gestalt. - Ukuze uzwe omunye, kufanele uhlukane nawe, futhi lokhu kudinga umzamo, bese ngivele ngithumele i-smiley. Kodwa i-emoticon ayixazululi indaba yokubamba iqhaza, lowo obhalelayo unomuzwa ongavamile: kubonakala sengathi basabela kuwo, kodwa akuzange kugcwaliswe lutho. Ukuba khona okugcwele kolunye uhlangothi ngokuhlangene akunakuthathelwa indawo ngezindlela zobuchwepheshe.
Silahlekelwa ikhono lokuxhumana okujulile, futhi kufanele kubuyiselwe. Ungaqala ngokubuyisela ikhono lokuzwa, nakuba lokhu kungelula.
Sihlala ezimpambanweni zamathonya amaningi kanye nezikhalazo: yenza ikhasi lakho, faka uku like, usayine isikhalazo, hlanganyela, hamba ... Futhi kancane kancane siba nokungezwa nokungavikeleki kithina - lesi isinyathelo sokuzivikela esidingekayo.
Ufuna ibhalansi
“Sifunde ukuvala indawo yethu engaphakathi, kodwa kungaba usizo ukukwazi ukuyivula,” kuphawula u-Inna Khamitova. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ngeke siyithole impendulo. Futhi thina, ngokwesibonelo, siqhubeka sikhuluma, singafundi izimpawu ukuthi omunye akakakulungeli ukusizwa manje. Futhi nathi ngokwethu sihlupheka ngenxa yokunganakwa.”
Umthuthukisi wethiyori yenkhulumomphendvulwano, uMartin Buber, wayekholelwa ukuthi into eyinhloko enkulumweni yikhono lokuzwa, hhayi ukusho. “Kudingeka sinikeze omunye indawo esikhaleni sengxoxo,” kuchaza uMikhail Kryakhtunov. Ukuze kuzwakale umuntu kufanele aqale abe ngumuntu ozwayo. Ngisho nasekwelashweni kwengqondo, kufika isikhathi lapho iklayenti, selikhulumile, lifuna ukwazi ukuthi kwenzekani nomelaphi: "Unjani?" Kuyavumelana: uma ngingakulaleli, awungizwa. Futhi ngokuphambene».
Akukhona ukukhuluma ngokushintshana, kodwa mayelana nokucabangela isimo kanye nokulingana kwezidingo. "Akuwenzi mqondo ukwenza ngokuvumelana nesifanekiso: Ngihlangane, ngidinga ukwabelana ngokuthile," kuchaza umelaphi we-Gestalt. “Kodwa uyabona ukuthi umhlangano wethu umayelana nani, ukuthi ukuxhumana kuthuthuka kanjani. Futhi ungenzi ngokwezidingo zakho kuphela, kodwa futhi nezimo nenqubo.”
Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuzizwa unempilo, unenjongo, ukwaziswa, futhi uzizwe uxhumeke emhlabeni.
Ukuxhumana phakathi kwami nomunye kuncike ekutheni ngimnika yiphi indawo, uyishintsha kanjani imizwa yami nombono wami. Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, asisoze sazi ngokuqinisekile ukuthi omunye uzocabangani esebenzisa amazwi ethu njengesisekelo somsebenzi womcabango wakhe. U-Inna Khamitova uphawula: “Izinga esizoqondwa ngalo lixhomeke ezintweni eziningi: ekhonweni lethu lokuhlela isigijimi ngokunembile, ekunakeni komunye, nasendleleni esichaza ngayo izimpawu ezivela kuye.
Komunye, ukuze azi ukuthi uyalalelwa, kudingekile ukuba abone amehlo egxilile kuye. Ukubhekisisa kuletha amahloni komunye - kodwa kuyasiza lapho benqekuzisa ikhanda noma bebuza imibuzo ecacisayo. "Ungakwazi ngisho nokuqala ukuveza umbono ongakhiwanga ngokuphelele," u-Mikhail Kryakhtunov uyaqiniseka, "futhi uma u-interlocutor enesithakazelo kithi, uzosiza ekuthuthukiseni futhi ayenze ibe semthethweni."
Kodwa kuthiwani uma isifiso sokuzwakala siyi-narcissism? “Ake sehlukanise phakathi kwe-narcissism kanye nokuzithanda,” kusikisela uMikhail Kryakhtunov. “Kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuzizwa unempilo, unenjongo, ukwaziswa, futhi uzizwe uxhumene nezwe.” Ukuze ukuzithanda, okuqukethwe ku-narcissism, kubonakale futhi kube nezithelo, kufanele kuqinisekiswe ngaphandle kwabanye: ukuze sithandeke kuye. Futhi naye, angasithakazelisa. Akwenzeki njalo futhi akwenzeki kuwo wonke umuntu. Kodwa lapho kunokuhlangana okunjalo phakathi kwethu, umuzwa wokusondelana uvela kuwo: singazisunduzela eceleni, sivumele omunye ukuba akhulume. Noma umbuze: ungalalela?