Okuqukethwe
Kungani sifisa imizwa ethile futhi sibe namahloni ngabanye? Uma sifunda ukwamukela noma yikuphi okuhlangenwe nakho njengezimpawu zemvelo, sizoziqonda kangcono thina kanye nabanye.
"Ungakhathazeki". Lesi sisho sizwa kusukela ebuntwaneni izihlobo, othisha nabangaphandle ababona ukukhathazeka kwethu. Futhi sithola umyalo wokuqala wendlela yokuphatha imizwa engemihle. Okungukuthi, kufanele zigwenywe. Kodwa kungani?
iseluleko esibi esihle
Indlela enempilo yemizwa iphakamisa ukuthi yonke ibalulekile ekuzwaneni kwengqondo. Imizwa iyizibani ezinikeza isignali: kuyingozi lapha, kukhululekile lapho, ungenza ubungane nalo muntu, kodwa kungcono ukuqaphela. Ukufunda ukubaqaphela kubaluleke kakhulu kangangokuthi kuyamangaza nokuthi kungani isikole singakaqalisi isifundo sokufunda imizwelo.
Siyini ngempela iseluleko esibi — «ungakhathazeki»? Sikusho ngezinhloso ezinhle. Sifuna ukusiza. Eqinisweni, usizo olunjalo luholela umuntu ekuziqondeni ngokwakhe. Ukukholelwa emandleni omlingo okuthi "ungakhathazeki" kusekelwe embonweni wokuthi eminye imizwa inemibi ngokungaguquki futhi akufanele ibe nakho.
Ungathola imizwa eminingana engqubuzanayo ngesikhathi esisodwa, futhi lesi akusona isizathu sokungabaza impilo yakho yengqondo.
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uPeter Breggin, encwadini yakhe ethi Guilt, Shame, and Anxiety, usifundisa ukuba singakunaki lokho akubiza ngokuthi “imizwa elandela umkhondo engalungile.” Njengodokotela wezifo zengqondo, uBreggin uhlala ebona abantu abazisola ngakho konke, abahlazekile futhi bakhathazeke kuze kube phakade.
Yebo ufuna ukubasiza. Lesi yisifiso somuntu kakhulu. Kodwa, ezama ukukhipha umthelela ongemuhle, uBreggin usakaza isipiliyoni ngokwakhe.
Udoti ungene, udoti uphumile
Lapho sihlukanisa imizwelo ibe yimizwa emihle (futhi ngenxa yalokho efiselekayo) kanye nemibi (engadingeki), sizithola sisesimweni abahleli bohlelo abasibiza ngokuthi «Garbage in, Garbage Out» (i-GIGO ngamafuphi). Uma ufaka umugqa ongalungile wekhodi ohlelweni, ngeke isebenze noma izophonsa amaphutha.
Isimo esithi "Doti ngaphakathi, ukuphuma kukadoti" senzeka lapho sifaka ngaphakathi imibono eyiphutha eminingana mayelana nemizwa. Uma unazo, maningi amathuba okuthi udideke ngemizwa yakho futhi untule ikhono elingokomzwelo.
1. Inganekwane ye-valency yemizwa: lapho simelela umuzwa ngamunye mayelana nokuthi muhle noma awujabulisi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uyathandeka kithi noma cha.
2. Umkhawulo ekusebenzeni ngemizwa: lapho sikholelwa ukuthi imizwa kufanele icindezelwe noma ivezwe. Asazi ukuthi singawuhlola kanjani umuzwa osibekele, futhi silwela ukuwususa ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka.
3. Ukunganakwa kwe-nuance: lapho singaqondi ukuthi imizwa ngayinye inezigaba eziningi zokuqina. Uma sizizwa sicasukile kancane ngomsebenzi omusha, lokhu akusho ukuthi senze ukukhetha okungalungile nokuthi kufanele siwuyeke ngokushesha.
4.yokuncishiswa: lapho singaqapheli ukuthi imizwelo eminingana ingatholakala ngesikhathi esifanayo, ingaba iphikisana, futhi lokhu akusona isizathu sokungabaza impilo yethu yengqondo.
Inganekwane ye-valency yemizwa
Imizwelo iyimpendulo ye-psyche ku-stimu yangaphandle nengaphakathi. Ngokwabo, abalungile futhi ababi. Bamane benze umsebenzi othile obalulekile ukuze baphile. Ezweni lanamuhla, ngokuvamile akudingeki silwele ukuphila ngomqondo ongokoqobo, futhi sizama ukulawula imizwelo engafanele. Kodwa abanye baya phambili, bezama ukukhipha ngokuphelele ekuphileni lokho okuletha imizwa engathandeki.
Ngokubola kwemizwa ibe mibi kanye nenhle, sihlukanisa ngokuzenzela ukusabela kwethu kumongo lapho kuvele khona. Akukhathalekile ukuthi kungani sicasukile, okubalulekile ukuthi kusho ukuthi sizobukeka simuncu esidlweni sakusihlwa.
Ukuzama ukuvala imizwelo, asiyiqedi. Siyaziqeqesha ukuthi singayilaleli intuition
Esimweni sebhizinisi, ukubonakaliswa kwemizwa ehlotshaniswa nempumelelo kubaluleke kakhulu: ugqozi, ukuzethemba, ukuzola. Ngokuphambene nalokho, ukudabuka, ukukhathazeka nokwesaba kubhekwa njengophawu lomuntu ohluliwe.
Indlela emnyama nemhlophe emizwelweni iphakamisa ukuthi "emibi" idinga ukulwa (ngokuyicindezela noma, ngokuphambene, ukuyiyeka ithulule), futhi "emihle" kufanele ihlakulelwe yona noma, okubi kakhulu, okubonisiwe. Kodwa ngenxa yalokho, yilokhu okuholela ehhovisi le-psychotherapist: asikwazi ukumelana nomthwalo wokuhlangenwe nakho okucindezelwe futhi asikwazi ukuthola ukuthi sizizwa kanjani ngempela.
Indlela Yokuzwela
Ukukholelwa emizweni emibi nemihle kwenza kube nzima ukubona ukubaluleka kwayo. Ngokwesibonelo, ukwesaba okunempilo kusivimbela ekufakeni izingozi ezingadingekile. Ukukhathazeka ngempilo kungakushukumisela ukuba uyeke ukudla okungenamsoco futhi udlale imidlalo. Intukuthelo ikusiza ukuthi umelele amalungelo akho, futhi ihlazo likusiza ukuthi ulawule ukuziphatha kwakho futhi uhlobanise izifiso zakho nezifiso zabanye.
Ukuzama ukuvusa imizwa kithi ngaphandle kwesizathu, sephula umthetho wabo wemvelo. Ngokwesibonelo, intombazane izoshada, kodwa iyangabaza ukuthi iyamthanda okhethiweyo wayo futhi izomthanda esikhathini esizayo. Nokho, uyazincenga: “Uyangigona. Kufanele ngijabule. Konke lokhu kungamampunge.” Ukuzama ukuvala imizwelo, asiyiqedi. Siziqeqesha ukuba singayilaleli intuition futhi singazami ukwenza ngokuvumelana nayo.
Indlela yokuzwela isho ukuthi samukela umzwelo futhi sizame ukuqonda umongo ovele kuwo. Ingabe siyasebenza esimweni okuso njengamanje? Ingabe kukhona okukukhathazile, okukucasule, noma okukwesabise? Kungani uzizwa ngale ndlela? Ingabe kuzwakala njengento osuvele uhlangabezane nayo? Ngokuzibuza imibuzo, singathola ukuqonda okujulile kwengqikithi yokuhlangenwe nakho futhi sikwenze kusisebenzele.
Mayelana Nochwepheshe: UCarla McLaren ungumcwaningi wezenhlalakahle, umdali wethiyori yeDynamic Emotional Integration, nombhali wencwadi ethi Ubuciko Bozwela: Ungalisebenzisa Kanjani Ikhono Lakho Lempilo Elibaluleke Kakhulu.