Okuqukethwe
Sonke sihlukile, kodwa ngamunye wethu ngomqondo womhlaba wonke ubhekana nezinselele ezifanayo: ukuzithola, ukuqonda imingcele yamathuba ethu, ukufeza imigomo emikhulu. I-Blogger Mark Manson iphakamisa ukubheka impilo njengochungechunge lwezigaba ezine. Ngayinye yazo ivula amathuba amasha, kodwa futhi idinga ukucabanga okusha okuvela kithi.
Ukuze uzwe ukugcwala kokuphila, uzitshele kanye ukuthi awuphilanga ize, udinga ukudlula ezigabeni ezine zokubunjwa. Zazi wena, izifiso zakho, buthelela isipiliyoni nolwazi, ukudlulisele kwabanye. Akubona bonke abaphumelelayo. Kodwa uma uzithola uphakathi kwalabo abaye baphumelela kuzo zonke lezi zinyathelo, ungazibheka njengomuntu ojabulayo.
Yiziphi lezi zigaba?
Isigaba sokuqala: Ukulingisa
Sizalwa singenamandla. Asikwazi ukuhamba, ukukhuluma, ukuzondla, ukuzinakekela. Kulesi sigaba, sinenzuzo yokufunda ngokushesha kunangaphambili. Sihlelelwe ukufunda izinto ezintsha, sibheke futhi silingise abanye.
Okokuqala sifunda ukuhamba nokukhuluma, bese sithuthukisa amakhono okuxhumana nabantu ngokubheka nokukopisha ukuziphatha kontanga. Okokugcina, sifunda ukuzivumelanisa nomphakathi ngokulandela imithetho nemithethonqubo futhi sizame ukukhetha indlela yokuphila ebhekwa njengeyamukelekayo embuthanweni wethu.
Inhloso yeSigaba Sokuqala ukufunda indlela yokusebenza emphakathini. Abazali, abanakekeli nabanye abantu abadala bayasisiza ukuba sifinyelele lokhu ngokugxilisa ikhono lokucabanga nokwenza izinqumo.
Kodwa abanye abantu abadala abazange bazifunde ngokwabo. Ngakho-ke, bayasijezisa ngokufuna ukuveza umbono wethu, abakholelwa kithi. Uma kukhona abantu abanjalo eduze, asithuthuki. Sibhajwa eSiteji sokuqala, silingisa abaseduze kwethu, sizama ukujabulisa wonke umuntu ukuze singahlulelwa.
Esimeni esihle, isigaba sokuqala sihlala kuze kube sekukhuleni sekwephuzile futhi siphela ekungeneni ekubeni umuntu omdala - cishe ama-20-odd. Kukhona abavuka ngelinye ilanga sebeneminyaka engu-45 bebona ukuthi abakaze baziphilele.
Ukudlula Isigaba Sokuqala kusho ukufunda izindinganiso nezilindelo zabanye, kodwa ukwazi ukwenza ngokuphambene nazo lapho sinomuzwa wokuthi kudingekile.
Isigaba sesibili: Ukuzazi
Kulesi sigaba, sifunda ukuqonda ukuthi yini eyenza sihluke kwabanye. Isigaba sesibili sidinga ukuthi sizenzele izinqumo, sizihlole, siziqonde thina nokuthi yini esenza sihluke. Lesi sigaba siqukethe amaphutha amaningi kanye nokuhlola. Sizama ukuhlala endaweni entsha, sichithe isikhathi nabantu abasha, sivivinye umzimba wethu kanye nemizwa yawo.
NgeSigaba sami Sesibili, ngahamba ngavakashela amazwe angama-50. Umfowethu wangena kwezombusazwe. Ngamunye wethu udlula kulesi sigaba ngendlela yakhe.
Isigaba sesibili siyaqhubeka kuze kube yilapho siqala ukubhekana nokulinganiselwa kwethu. Yebo, kukhona imingcele - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi u-Deepak Chopra kanye nezinye "i-gurus" ezingokwengqondo zikutshela. Kodwa empeleni, ukuthola ukulinganiselwa kwakho kuhle.
Noma ungazama kangakanani, kukhona okusazohamba kabi. Futhi udinga ukwazi ukuthi kuyini. Ngokwesibonelo, angizimisele ngokofuzo ukuba umsubathi ovelele. Ngachitha umzamo omkhulu kanye nezinzwa ukuze ngiqonde lokhu. Kodwa kwathi lapho ukuqaphela kungifikela, ngehlisa umoya. Lo mnyango uvaliwe, ngakho-ke kufanelekile ukugqekeza?
Eminye imisebenzi ayisebenzi kithi. Bakhona abanye esibathandayo, kodwa bese siphelelwa isithakazelo kubo. Isibonelo, ukuphila njengokhula lwe-tumbleweed. Shintsha abalingani bocansi (futhi ukwenze njalo), uhlanganyele ebha njalo ngoLwesihlanu, nokunye okuningi.
Akuwona wonke amaphupho ethu angafezeka, ngakho-ke kufanele sikhethe ngokucophelela lokho okufanele ukutshala kukho kube ngokoqobo futhi sizethembe thina.
Imingcele ibalulekile ngoba isiholela ekuqondeni ukuthi isikhathi sethu asipheli futhi kufanele sisichithe kokuthile okubalulekile. Uma ukwazi ukwenza okuthile, akusho ukuthi kufanele ukwenze. Ukuthi uthanda abantu abathile akusho ukuthi kufanele ube nabo. Ngenxa yokuthi ubona amathuba amaningi akusho ukuthi kufanele uwasebenzise wonke.
Abanye abalingisi abathembisayo bangoweta abaneminyaka engu-38 futhi balinda iminyaka emibili ngaphambi kokuba bacelwe ukuba benze inhlolokhono. Kukhona abaqalayo okuthe iminyaka engu-15 bengakwazi ukwenza okuthile okubalulekile futhi bahlale nabazali babo. Abanye abantu abakwazi ukwakha ubuhlobo besikhathi eside ngoba banomuzwa wokuthi kusasa bazohlangana nomuntu ongcono.
Izivivinyo eziyi-7 zokuthola umsebenzi wempilo yakho
Ngesinye isikhathi, kufanele sivume ukuthi ukuphila kufushane, akuwona wonke amaphupho ethu angafezeka, ngakho-ke kufanele sikhethe ngokucophelela ukuthi yini okufanele siyifake ngempela, futhi sithembe ukukhetha kwethu.
Abantu ababambeke eSigabeni Sesibili bachitha isikhathi sabo esiningi bezikholisa ngenye indlela. “Amathuba ami awapheli. Nginganqoba konke. Impilo yami iwukukhula nokuthuthuka okuqhubekayo.” Kodwa kusobala kuwo wonke umuntu ukuthi bamane bamaka isikhathi. Lezi yintsha yaphakade, ezifuna njalo, kodwa zingatholi lutho.
Isigaba Sesithathu: Ukuzibophezela
Ngakho-ke, uthole imingcele yakho kanye "nezindawo zokumisa" (isibonelo, ezokusubatha noma ubuciko be-Culinary) futhi waqaphela ukuthi eminye imisebenzi ayisagculisi (amaphathi kuze kube sekuseni, ukuhamba ngezinyawo, imidlalo yevidiyo). Uhlala nalokho okubaluleke ngempela futhi okuhle kukho. Manje sekuyisikhathi sokuthatha indawo yakho emhlabeni.
Isigaba sesithathu yisikhathi sokuhlanganiswa nokuvalelisa kukho konke okungafanelekile amandla akho: nabangani abaphazamisa futhi bahlehlise emuva, izinto zokuzilibazisa ezithatha isikhathi, ngamaphupho amadala angeke esagcwaliseka. Okungenani esikhathini esizayo esiseduze nangendlela esiyilindele.
Manje? Utshala imali kulokho ongakuzuza kakhulu, ebudlelwaneni obubaluleke ngempela kuwe, kumsebenzi owodwa oyinhloko empilweni yakho - ukunqoba inkinga yamandla, ube umklami wegeyimu omkhulu, noma ukhulise ama-tomboy amabili.
Labo abagxila eSigabeni Sesithathu ngokuvamile abakwazi ukuyeka ukuphishekela okwengeziwe.
Isigaba sesithathu yisikhathi sokudalulwa okuphezulu kwamandla akho. Yilokhu ozothandwa, uhlonishwe futhi ukhunjulwe ngakho. Uzoshiyani ngemuva? Noma ngabe ucwaningo lwesayensi, umkhiqizo omusha wezobuchwepheshe, noma umndeni onothando, ukudlula Isigaba Sesithathu kusho ukushiya ngemuva umhlaba ohluke kancane kunalowo owawuyikho ngaphambi kokuthi uvele.
Iphela lapho sekuhlanganiswe izinto ezimbili. Okokuqala, unomuzwa wokuthi wenze okwanele futhi mancane amathuba okuba udlule izimpumelelo zakho. Futhi okwesibili, usukhulile, ukhathele futhi waqala ukuqaphela ukuthi ngaphezu kwakho konke ufuna ukuhlala ethafeni, uphuze i-martinis nokuxazulula ama-crossword puzzle.
Labo abagxila eSigabeni Sesithathu ngokuvamile abakwazi ukuyeka isifiso esiqhubekayo sokwengeziwe. Lokhu kuholela eqinisweni lokuthi ngisho neminyaka yawo-70 noma 80 ngeke bakwazi ukujabulela ukuthula, bahlale bejabule futhi benganelisekile.
Isigaba sesine. Amagugu
Abantu bazithola bekulesi sigaba ngemva kokuchitha cishe ingxenye yekhulu leminyaka kulokho okwakubaluleke kakhulu nokubalulekile. Basebenze kahle. Sebezuze konke abanakho. Mhlawumbe bakha umndeni, isisekelo sosizo, bashintsha insimu yabo. Manje sebefinyelele inkathi lapho amandla nezimo zingasabavumeli ukuba bakhuphukele phezulu.
Inhloso yokuphila eSigabeni Sesine akukhona kakhulu ukulwela into entsha, kodwa ukuqinisekisa ukulondolozwa kwezimpumelelo kanye nokudluliselwa kolwazi. Lokhu kungaba ukwesekwa komndeni, iseluleko kozakwethu abasebasha noma izingane. Ukudluliswa kwamaphrojekthi namandla kubafundi noma abantu abathenjwayo. Lokhu kungasho ukwanda kwezishoshovu zezepolitiki nezenhlalo - uma unamandla ongawasebenzisela ukuzuzisa umphakathi.
Isigaba sesine sibalulekile ngokombono wengqondo, ngoba senza ukuqwashisa okukhula njalo ngokufa komuntu kubekezeleleke kakhulu. Kubalulekile ukuba wonke umuntu abe nomuzwa wokuthi ukuphila kwakhe kusho okuthile. Incazelo yokuphila, esihlale siyifuna, iwukuphela kokuzivikela kwethu kwengqondo ngokumelene nokungaqondakali kokuphila kanye nokungenakugwemeka kokufa kwethu.
Ukulahlekelwa yile ncazelo noma ukuyigeja ngenkathi sinethuba kuwukubhekana nokukhohlwa futhi sikuvumele kusidle.
Kumayelana nani?
Isigaba ngasinye sempilo sinezici zaso. Asikwazi njalo ukulawula okwenzekayo, kodwa singaphila ngokuqaphela. Ukuqaphela, ukuqonda isikhundla somuntu endleleni yokuphila kuwumgomo omuhle omelene nezinqumo ezimbi nokungenzi lutho.
Esigabeni sokuqala, sincike ngokuphelele ezenzweni nasekuvunyweni kwabanye. Abantu abalindelekile futhi abathembekile, ngakho-ke into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuqonda kusenesikhathi ukuthi yimaphi amagama afanele, yiziphi izimfanelo zethu. Lokhu singakufundisa nezingane zethu.
Esigabeni Sesibili, sifunda ukuzimela, kodwa sincike ekukhuthazeni kwangaphandle—sidinga imivuzo, imali, ukunqoba, ukunqoba. Lokhu kuyinto esingakwazi ukuyilawula, kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, udumo nempumelelo nakho akubikezeleki.
Esigabeni Sesithathu, sifunda ukwakha phezu kobudlelwane obufakazelwe kanye nezindlela ezibonakale zithembekile futhi zithembisa eSigabeni Sesibili. Okokugcina, Isigaba Sesine sidinga ukuthi sikwazi ukuziqinisa futhi sibambelele kulokho esikuzuzile.
Esigabeni ngasinye esilandelayo, injabulo iba ngaphansi kwethu (uma senze konke kahle), ngokusekelwe kakhulu kumagugu ethu angaphakathi nezimiso futhi kuncane ezintweni zangaphandle. Uma usukhombile ukuthi ukuphi, uzokwazi ukuthi ugxile kuphi, ungatshala kuphi izinsiza, nokuthi ungaziqondisa kuphi izinyathelo zakho. Isekethe yami ayiyona indawo yonke, kodwa iyangisebenzela. Ukuthi iyakusebenzela yini — zinqumele wena.
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Mark Manson uyi-blogger kanye nosomabhizinisi owaziwa ngokubhala inkanuko mayelana nomsebenzi, impumelelo, kanye nenjongo yokuphila.