Ukuhluleka kwedethi eyimpumelelo: yini ebangele lokho?

UMark wajabula ngokuthi usuku lwakhe lokuqala no-Emma luhambe kahle kakhulu. Bahlela ukuhlangana ngemva komsebenzi ukuze bathole iziphuzo, bagcina bexoxe amahora amathathu. “Besifanelana ngempela,” kusho uMark ngesikhathi sokwelashwa esilandelayo. “Mina no-Emma sasinezinto eziningi esizithandayo, futhi ingxoxo yayihamba kalula. Njalo uma uweta ebuza ukuthi singathanda yini esinye isiphuzo, wayephendula yebo.

Ngakusasa, uMark wathumela umyalezo ku-Emma futhi wabuza ukuthi bazophinde babonane nini. “Waphendula ngokuthi uthanda yonke into, kodwa akanandaba nokuqonywa okwesibili. UMark wayenamahloni futhi ecasukile ngesikhathi esifanayo: “Kungani kwadingeka achithe amahora amathathu nami uma ngingamthandi? Angiqondi".

Ngizwa izindaba ezifanayo ezivela kumakhasimende amaningi: emhlanganweni wokuqala konke kuhamba kahle, kodwa ngesizathu esithile umuntu ojwayelene naye akafuni ukuqhubeka nokuxhumana. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngisebenze namadoda nabesifazane abazithola nhlangothi zombili zalesi simo sokuthandana, futhi ngingaqinisekisa ukuthi ukuziphatha okunjalo kubangela ukudideka kunqatshiwe.

"Kungenzeka kanjani ukuthi ngingasiqondi kahle lesi simo?" Yilowo mbuzo okufanele bawubuze. Kodwa cishe abazange. Nazi izizathu ezinhlanu zokuthi kungani ungase unqatshelwe usuku lwesibili, ngisho noma olokuqala luhambe kahle.

1. Yena (yena) wayekuthanda, kodwa hhayi ngendlela yothando.

Nansi incazelo evamile engiyizwayo: uzakwabo ukujabulele kakhulu ukuba naye, wanquma ngempela ukuthi ungumuntu olungile, umuntu oxoxa naye ojabulayo futhi othakazelisayo, wakuthola ukhanga, kodwa ... kuwe. Akazange akhungathekiswe umuzwa wokukhangwa ngokobulili noma wothando. Igama elithi "chemistry" libalulekile lapha, ngoba asikhulumi nganoma yiziphi izici ezithile zomzimba, kodwa ngezinto ezincane ezingadlala indima ebalulekile.

2. Akakahlukani ne-ex yakhe (noma usene-ex yakhe)

Phakathi kwamakhasimende ami kunenqwaba yalabo abahamba ngezinsuku ngaphandle kokuqeda ubuhlobo obudlule. Kungani bekwenza? Bahlangana nabantu abasha ngethemba lokuthola umlingani omangalisayo: bathemba ukuthi umhlangano omuhle uzobasiza ukuba bakhohlwe okwedlule, bayeke isimo futhi baqhubeke nempilo yabo. Futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo, babeka ibha phezulu kakhulu kulabo abalandelayo ukuthi kunzima kakhulu ukuhlangabezana.

Kubantu abancike esikhathini esidlule, kuphakeme kakhulu kunalabo abafuna umlingani ezimweni ezipholile. Ngamanye amazwi, uma lo muntu ubengaphelele kangako emlandweni wakhe ngobudlelwano obudlule, angase afune usuku lwesibili nawe. Futhi okwamanje akakhululekile ngokomzwelo ngokwanele ukuba akwazi kangcono.

3. Umkhumbuza ngothile, futhi lokhu kufana kucisha isithakazelo.

Esinye isizathu esivamile sokungahambi ngosuku lwesibili ukuthi uvusa ubudlelwane obuthile naye, futhi lo muzwa wokuhlangana nento eyaziwa kakhulu uyonakalisa yonke into: "wow, wayefana ncamashi nobaba ezithombeni ezindala" , noma "wahamba." esikoleni esifanayo nesami ex» noma «ungummeli, futhi abameli ababili bokugcina engahlangana nabo babengebona abantu abahle kakhulu.

Okungukuthi, wanquma kusukela ekuqaleni ukuthi awuyena umbhangqwana kuye (ngenxa yalokhu kufana kakhulu), kodwa njengoba wawumnandi futhi ujabule ngosuku oluthile, wanquma ukusebenzisa lesi sikhathi ngendlela engcono kakhulu.

4. Ngandlela thize, ulunge kakhulu kuye.

Ngamunye wethu unohlobo lwe-radar eyakhelwe ngaphakathi yokuhlonza izimo ezisibeka phansi, siziphoqa ukuba sibe namahloni, sizizwe "ububi" bethu. Ngokwesibonelo, eduze komuntu onekhono ngempela futhi ofuna ukuvelela, othile angase azizwe eyisihluku futhi eyisiphukuphuku esiphula ukuphila. Eduze komsubathi, umsekeli ofanele wendlela yokuphila enempilo — zithethise ngothando lwakho lokudla «okungenamsoco, ukukhathala nokungabi nalutho.

Ngamafuphi, lapho usothandweni nomuntu onjalo, uyozizwa sengathi kufanele ulwe kanzima ukuze ufinyelele izinga lakhe (okunzima ukulifinyelela), noma (ngokuzithandela noma ngokungazi) uzolahla indlela yakho yokuphila. Futhi ubani ofuna ukuqhubeka nobuhlobo lapho kuyodingeka azizwe engumuntu ophansi futhi ongaphandle?

5. Ufuna nje ukwenza ucansi

Kungenzeka ukuthi uhlangane kuhlelo lokusebenza lokuqomisana lapho asho khona ukuthi ufuna ubudlelwano obubalulekile, kodwa empeleni unentshisekelo kakhulu ohambweni locansi. Futhi ngenxa yokuthi wayekuthanda futhi nijabula ndawonye, ​​wayengafuni ukulimaza imizwa yenu. Wenqaba ukuqhubeka, ebona ukuthi udinga ukukhanya okukhanyayo futhi akazange ahlele ukukubona futhi.

Ngamafuphi, izizathu ezivame kakhulu zokwenqaba ukuqhubeka nobuhlobo ngokuvamile zihlobene naye, hhayi kunoma yikuphi ukushiyeka noma ukushiyeka engxenyeni yakho. Njengoba abaningi balabo abanqatshiwe bezicabangela kabuhlungu futhi bezitika, kufanele ngimemezele ukuthi lesi akusona isinqumo esihle sokuzethemba kwakho, futhi ngaphezu kwalokho, cishe sisekelwe ekucabangeleni okuyiphutha.

Mayelana nombhali: UGuy Winch uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esisemtholampilo, ilungu le-American Psychological Association, nombhali wezincwadi ezimbalwa, enye yazo ethi Psychological First Aid (Medley, 2014).