Okuqukethwe
Silindele umntwana… Ngisho nalapho ukukhulelwa kuhlelwa futhi kulindelekile, indoda ivame ukumangala ngesimemezelo. ” Ngakufunda lokhu ngobunye kusihlwa lapho ngifika ekhaya. Ngamangala. Angikholwanga ... nakuba besibheke ngabomvu lesi sikhathi Kusho uBenjamin. Kubantu, isifiso somntwana asivamile ukuvezwa ngokuzenzakalelayo. Ngokuvamile kuba umlingani wakhe okhuluma ngakho kuqala futhi, uma ezizwa ekulungele, indoda inamathela kulo msebenzi wobuntwana. Kuyenzeka futhi ukuthi owesifazane ahlehlise isinqumo futhi ekugcineni amukele isifiso somlingani wakhe, ikakhulukazi ngenxa yeminyaka yobudala. Umqondo wokuthi uzoba nomntwana uvusa endodeni imizwa eminingi, ngokuvamile ephikisanayo, kokubili mayelana nayo kanye nomkakhe.
Okokuqala nje, uyajabula, uthinteke kakhulu, ngisho noma engalokothi akusho kakhulu. Khona-ke uyaziqhenya ngokwazi ukuthi angazala: ukutholakala kokukhulelwa ngokuvamile kuzwakala njengokuqinisekisa ubudoda bakhe. Uzizwa eqiniswa ukubaluleka kwakhe njengendoda. Ubaba ozayo, asondele kuyise, uzolingana naye amnikeze indawo entsha, ekamkhulu. Ingabe ufuna ukufana naye noma ukuqhela kulo “mfanekiso kababa”? Isithombe esivuzayo sizomenza afune ukusondela. Kodwa futhi angakwazi ukuthembela kwezinye izibalo zobaba: umalume, umfowethu omdala, abangani, njll. " Ubaba wayeqinile, eqinile. Lapho silindele ingane, ngokushesha ngacabanga ngomndeni womngane oseduze, ngoyise ofudumele nohlekisayo ”, uPawulu uyasitshela.
Kusukela kumuntu kuya kubaba
Umuntu uyazazi izinguquko ezizayo, uzothola ukuba ubaba, umuzwa wokuzibophezela (“Ingabe ngizovumelana nakho?”), Okuhambisana nenjabulo ejulile. Ithimba, abangani kwesinye isikhathi bayaxwayisa: ” Uzobona ukuthi kunzima kanjani ukukhulisa ingane. “” Inkululeko isiphelile, sala kahle ukuphuma okungalindelekile. Kodwa abanye bathola amazwi aqinisekisayo, bayazi indlela yokudlulisela imizwelo abayithola lapho bezalwa nenjabulo ababa nayo ekunakekeleni izingane zabo. Ukuziqhenya kwendoda emcabangweni wokuba nengane kumenza azizwe encoma umkakhe, ukuqashelwa, ububele. Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, lo wesifazane ozoba ngumama ngokuzumayo ubonakala ehlukile kuye: unomuzwa wokuthi uba omunye - uqinisile, ngaphezu kwalokho - umuntu okuzodingeka amthole kabusha. Ukucasuka nokuba ntekenteke komlingani wakhe kuyammangaza, angase esabe ukuzizwa egajwe umzwelo awuzwayo, ingane engakazalwa isenhliziyweni yezingxoxo.
Ukuzalwa kukababa akuzalwa ngosuku oluthile, kubangelwa inqubo ehamba ngesifiso futhi kusukela ekuqaleni kokukhulelwa kuya ekuzalweni kanye nokwakhiwa kobudlelwane nengane. Umuntu akabi nakho ukukhulelwa emzimbeni wakhe kodwa kusekhanda lakhe nasenhliziyweni yakhe; ukungamuzwa umntwana ekhula enyameni yakhe, inyanga nenyanga, akumvimbeli ekulungiseleleni ukuba ubaba.
Isikhathi sokuzivumelanisa nezimo
Izibopho zothando ziyashintsha, isifiso sobulili siyashintsha. Amadoda angazizwa ekhungathekile okwamanje futhi akhathazeke ngekusasa. Abanye bayesaba ukulimaza ingane ngesikhathi socansi. Nokho, kuwukwesaba okungenasisekelo. Abanye banomuzwa wokuthi umngane wabo ukude kakhulu futhi abaqondi ukuthi kungani. Ngesikhathi sokukhulelwa, owesifazane angase abe nesifiso esincane, noma athathe kancane kancane ukuguqulwa komzimba wakhe. Kubalulekile ukuthi umbhangqwana uzinike isikhathi sokukhuluma ngakho, ukuveza imizwa yabo ngokuvela kobudlelwane bothando. Yilowo nalowo makalalele omunye.
Ubaba ngezinye izikhathi uphazanyiswa ubuhlobo obukhethekile obakheka phakathi komkakhe nosana olungakazalwa, uyesaba ukuzizwa ekhishwa inyumbazane. Amanye amadoda aphephela empilweni yawo yobungcweti, indawo lapho kuqashelwa khona amakhono abo, lapho ezizwa ekhululekile futhi ewavumela ukuba akhohlwe kancane ngokukhulelwa nomntwana. Omama abakhulelwe bavame ukuba nomuzwa walo muzwa futhi bavumele umngane wabo ukuba athathe indawo afuna ukuhlala kuyo. Amanye amadoda akhathazeke ngempilo yamakhosikazi awo, ngokuvamile ngaphezu kwawo, konke okukhathazayo kumntwana. Bazizwa benecala noma bengenakuzisiza ngalokho okungenzeka kuye. Ngisho noma engazizwa lokhu kwesaba, ubaba uyaqaphela ukuthi, ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo, ukuphila kuzoshintsha: amaphrojekthi ngeke esaba amabili kodwa amathathu, amanye azokwazi ngisho nokungenakwenzeka - okungenani ekuqaleni. Futhi indoda izizwa inomthwalo wemfanelo omkhulu ngale nhlangano entsha njengoba umkayo ngokuvamile edinga ukusekelwa kwayo, uzwela lwayo, lokuthi ithathe izinyathelo.
Ngakho-ke imizwa kababa wakusasa iyahlukahluka, futhi ngokusobala iyaphikisana : unomqondo wezibopho zakhe ezintsha futhi uyesaba ukubekelwa eceleni; uzizwa eqiniswa ukubaluleka kwakhe njengendoda ngesikhathi esifanayo njengoba enomuzwa wokuthi uyinto engenamsebenzi uma kuqhathaniswa nomkakhe; ukhathazeka ngempilo yomlingani wakhe futhi ngezinye izikhathi ufuna ukukhohlwa ukuthi ukhulelwe; phambi kwakhe ubonakala ethukile ezizwa ethola ukuzethemba, useyavuthwa. Lokhu kusabela kunamandla njengoba lokhu kuyingane yokuqala, njengoba konke kusha, konke kuzotholakala. Ngeyesibili, ingane yesithathu… obaba bazizwa bekhathazekile kodwa lesi sikhathi basiphila ngokuzola okwengeziwe.
“Kungithathe isonto lonke ukuqeda. Ngangilokhu ngithi kumkami: uqinisekile? ” UGregory.
“Ngaqala ukwazi. Umkami wathinteka kakhulu, wangicela ukuba ngifunde umphumela wokuhlolwa. ” Erwan.
Isikhathi sokuba sengozini kwabanye obaba
Ukulindela ingane kuyisiphithiphithi kangangokuthi amanye amadoda abonisa ubuthakathaka babo ngezindlela ezahlukene: ukuphazamiseka kokulala, ukuphazamiseka kokugaya ukudla, ukukhuluphala. Siyazi namuhla ngokulalela obaba, ikakhulukazi emaqenjini akhulumayo, ukuthi ngokuvamile abazizwa benganakwa ngoba abavamile ukukusho. Isikhathi esiningi lezi zinkinga zidlula futhi yonke into ibuyela esimeni lapho abashadikazi sebekwazi ukukhuluma ngakho futhi wonke umuntu uthola indawo yakhe. Kodwa, uma beba namahloni empilweni yansuku zonke, ungangabazi ukutshela uchwepheshe. Isimemezelo sokukhulelwa ngezinye izikhathi singenza umbhangqwana "uhlukane" futhi kubangele ukuba indoda ishiye ikhaya lomshado ngokuzumayo futhi ngokushesha. Amanye amadoda angase athi kamuva ayengakakulungeli, noma azizwe evalelekile futhi ethukile. Abanye banezindaba ezibuhlungu zasebuntwaneni, izinkumbulo zikababa onobudlova noma ongenalo uthando noma ongekho kakhulu, futhi bayesaba ukuveza ukushukuma komzimba okufanayo, ukuziphatha okufanayo nokayise.
Lesi sihloko sithathwe encwadini yereferensi kaLaurence Pernoud: 2018)
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