Okuqukethwe
Indaba eqinile mayelana nokutholwa
“Isifiso sokutholwa yingane yaqala kusukela ebuntwaneni. Ukutholwa bekuyingxenye yomlando womndeni wami. Umkhulu wami engangimkhonzile wayeyingane yangaphandle, walahlwa nje enezinsuku ezi-3 ezelwe. Ngakhulela eSarcelles ngeminyaka yawo-70s, idolobha elinabantu abaningi ababehlala ezindaweni ezihlukahlukene zezinkolo ezihlukahlukene. Njengoba ngangihlala endaweni yesinagoge, kwakwenzeka ukuthi engangidlala nabo babengabozalo lwase-Ashkenazi nolwaseSephardic. Lezi zingane zathola ifa lokudingiswa kanye noShoah. Lapho ngineminyaka engu-9, ngikhumbula ngibona izingane, ikakhulukazi izintandane, zifika ekilasini lami ngemva kweMpi YaseVietnam. Uthisha wasicela ukuba sibasize bahlanganise. Lapho ngibona zonke lezi zingane ezaxoshwa, ngenza isithembiso kimina: leso sokuthatha ingane ehluphekayo ngesikhathi sami lapho sengimdala.. Lapho ngineminyaka engama-35, iminyaka esemthethweni ngesikhathi lapho sasingaqala khona lolu hlelo, nganquma ukuzihambela ngedwa. Kungani eRussia? Ekuqaleni, ngafaka isicelo sokuya eVietnam nase-Ethiopia, kwakungamazwe amabili kuphela ayenikeza ukutholwa okukodwa, ngaleso sikhathi, kwaba khona ukuvuleka kweRussia. Emnyangweni engangihlala kuwo, kwagunyazwa umsebenzi owawunikeza izingane zaseRussia ukutholwa futhi ngakwazi ukufaka isicelo.
Ngemva kwezigigaba eziningi, isicelo sami saphumelela
Ngolunye usuku ekuseni, ngathola ucingo ekade ngilulindile, ngalo lolo suku umama ayehlinzwa ngenxa yomdlavuza webele. Intombazane eneminyaka engu-6 nengxenye yayingilindile ekhaya lezintandane eSt. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva, ngiqiniseka ngalokhu, ngafika eRussia ukuze ngihlangane nendodakazi yami. UNastia wayemuhle kakhulu kunalokho engangikucabanga. Amahloni amancane, kodwa lapho ehleka ubuso bakhe bakhanya. Ngaqagela amanxeba agqitshwe ngemuva kokumamatheka kwakhe okuphoxekile, isinyathelo sakhe esimanqikanqika kanye nomzimba wakhe obuthaka. Ukuba umama wale ntombazanyana kwakuyisifiso sami esikhulu, ngangingeke ngihluleke. Phakathi nokuhlala kwami eRussia, sazana kancane kancane, ikakhulukazi ngangingafuni ukumjaha. Iqhwa laqala ukuphuka, uNastia, wathambisa ngobumnene, waphuma ekuthuleni kwakhe futhi wazivumela ukuba anqotshwe yimizwa. Ukuba khona kwami kwakungathi kumthulisile, wayengasenaso isifo sokuphazamiseka kwemizwa njengasekhaya lezintandane.
Ngangikude nokucabanga ukuthi udlule kuphi ngempela
Ngangazi ukuthi indodakazi yami yayiqale ukuphila okunesiphithiphithi: yashiywa ekhaya lezintandane inezinyanga ezi-3 futhi yalulama ineminyaka emi-3 ngunina oyizalayo. Lapho ngifunda isinqumo sokuhoxiswa kwabazali ngosuku olungaphambi kokuba sibuye, ngabona ukuthi indaba yakhe yayibuhlungu kangakanani. Indodakazi yami yayihlala nomama odayisa ngomzimba, umlutha wotshwala nobudlova, phakathi kukadoti, amaphela namagundane. Amadoda ayelala efulethini, amaphathi okuphuza ayegcina ngokulingana phakathi kwezingane. Eshaywa futhi elambile, uNastia wayebona lezi zigcawu ezingcolile nsuku zonke. Wayezozakha kanjani kabusha? Emasontweni angemva kokufika kwethu eFrance, uNastia wacwila osizini olujulile futhi wathula du. Enqanyulwe ulimi lwakhe lwendabuko, wazizwa enesizungu, kodwa lapho ephuma ebunzimeni, waba nokuthatheka okukodwa nje kokuya esikoleni. Mina, ngikhungathekile, ngaphandle kokuba khona kwengane yami, ngazama ukugcwalisa izinsuku zami zekhefu lokutholwa kwanhlanga zimuka nomoya.
Ukubuyela esikoleni kwamenza wahlehla
UNastia wayenelukuluku lokufuna ukwazi, womele ulwazi ngoba wayesheshe waqonda ukuthi iyona ndlela kuphela yokuthi aphume esimweni sakhe. Kodwa ukungena esikoleni kwabangela ukuhlehla kuye ngokuphelele: waqala ukugaqa ngawo womane, kwadingeka ondliwe, wayengasakhulumi. Wayedinga ukukhumbula leyo ngxenye yobuntwana ayengazange ayiphile. Udokotela wezingane wangitshela ukuthi ukuze ngixazulule le nkinga ngingazama ukusebenzisa umzimba. Wangeluleka ukuthi ngiyogeza nendodakazi yami ukuze ngiyivumele ihlanganise konke okwakungadalwanga ngoba ngangingayizali. Futhi kwasebenza! Ngemva kokugeza okumbalwa, wathinta umzimba wami futhi kwamsiza ukuba abuyele ukuzethemba, ukumthola iminyaka engu-7.
Indodakazi yami yayinamathele kakhulu kimi, yayihlale ifuna ukuthintana nami, noma ngabe kuye kwakuwumbono omncane ongaqondakali. Ekuqaleni, ukuxhumana ngokomzimba nokho kwakunobudlova: wayengazi ukuthi kufanele abe nethenda. Kwaba khona sonke isikhathi lapho ayelokhu engicela ukuba ngimshaye. Izicelo zakhe ezibeleselayo engangizesaba zangenza ngangakhululeki. Kwakuwukuphela kwento eyayingamqinisa idolo ngoba kwakuwukuphela kwendlela yokuxhumana ayeyazi eRussia. Ngeshwa, imibango yezikhundla isisunguliwe. Kwadingeka ngiqine lapho ngingafuni. Uma uthola ingane enecala, kufanele ubhekane nalokho okwedlule. Ngangigcwele isifiso esihle, ngifuna ukumphelezela empilweni yakhe entsha ngothando, ukuqonda nomusa, kodwa uNastia wahudula naye amaphupho akhe amabi, izipoki zakhe kanye nalobu budlova ayeyingane. Kwathatha iminyaka emibili ukuthi ubudlelwano bethu behle nothando lwethu komunye nomunye lugcine lubonakalisiwe.
Ngazithatha ukuze ngingalahlekelwa unyawo lwami
Lapho indodakazi yami iqala ukubeka amazwi ekuhlukumezekeni kwayo ukuze izikhulule kulokhu kwesaba okwakuyikhungethe, eyavezela kimina kwakungacabangeki. Umama wakhe omzalayo, isigebengu, wayemngcolise unomphela ngokugwaza indoda phambi kwamehlo akhe futhi wamenza waba necala ngalesi senzo. Akazange azidabukele, ngokuphambene nalokho, ngaphandle kwemizwelo ebonakalayo, wayefuna ukuzikhulula kulokhu okudlule okunyantisayo. Ngagula ngezambulo zakhe. Kulezi zikhathi, udinga ukuba nozwelo nomcabango ukuze uthole izixazululo. Ngaphandle kwendelelo noma ukucwasa, ngenza konke okusemandleni ami ukuxosha amademoni akhe. Ngibeke isu eliphelele lezemfundo eduze nemvelo nezilwane ukuze athole ubuntwana nobumsulwa. Kube khona ukunqoba okuqinisekile nokunye okudlula ngokushesha. Kodwa okwedlule akufi. “
*Ufuna umama omusha? - Indodakazi kamama, indaba yokutholwa ”, i-Editions La Boîte à Pandore.