Ingabe uhlale uthuka izanya futhi ulungisa izinto? Mhlawumbe umngane wakho womshado ongalawuleki “yikho kanye okuyalwe udokotela.” Imiphumela yocwaningo lwemibhangqwana eshadile isikisela ukuthi amadoda namakhosikazi axabana kuze kube yilapho esehoxile baphila isikhathi eside kunalabo abacindezela intukuthelo.
"Lapho abantu behlangana ndawonye, ukuxazulula ukungezwani kuba omunye wemisebenzi ebaluleke kakhulu," kusho u-Ernest Harburg, uprofesa ophumayo eMnyangweni Wezengqondo Nezempilo eNyuvesi yaseMichigan, owahola ucwaningo. “Njengomthetho, akekho ofundiswa lokhu. Uma bobabili bekhuliswe abazali abahle, kuhle, bathatha isibonelo kubo. Kodwa ngokuvamile, imibhangqwana ayiwaqondi amasu okulawula izingxabano.” Njengoba ukuphikisana kungenakugwema, kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi abashadile bakuxazulula kanjani.
“Ake sithi kukhona ukungqubuzana phakathi kwenu. Umbuzo obalulekile: uzokwenzani? I-Harburg iyaqhubeka. Uma nje "ungcwaba" intukuthelo yakho, kodwa uqhubeka uphikisana nesitha futhi uthukuthele ukuziphatha kwakhe, futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ungazami ngisho nokukhuluma ngenkinga, khumbula: usenkingeni.
Ucwaningo oluningi lubonisa ukuthi ukukhipha intukuthelo kuyazuzisa. Ngokwesibonelo, omunye umsebenzi onjalo uqinisekisa ukuthi abantu abathukuthele benza izinqumo ezingcono, mhlawumbe ngenxa yokuthi lomzwelo utshela ubuchopho ukuba bungazinaki ukungabaza futhi bugxile engqikithini yenkinga. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kwavela ukuthi labo abaveza intukuthelo ngokukhululekile bangcono ukulawula isimo futhi babhekane nobunzima ngokushesha.
Intukuthelo esemathinini yandisa ingcindezi kuphela, eyaziwa ngokufinyeza isikhathi sokuphila. Ngokwezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, izici eziningana zichaza amaphesenti aphezulu okufa ngaphambi kwesikhathi phakathi kwabashadile abafihla ukubonakaliswa kwentukuthelo. Phakathi kwazo kukhona umkhuba wokufihla ukunganeliseki, ukungakwazi ukuxoxa ngemizwa nezinkinga, isimo sengqondo sokungakhathali ngempilo, ngokombiko owanyatheliswa kuyi-Journal of Family Communication.
Uma ukuhlaselwa bekubhekwa njengokunesisekelo esiqinile, izisulu cishe azizange zithukuthele.
Iqembu lochwepheshe eliholwa nguSolwazi Harburg lacwaninga imibhangqwana eshadile engu-17 eneminyaka engu-192 kuya ku-35 iminyaka engaphezu kwengu-69. Kwakugxilwe endleleni ababona ngayo ngokusobala ubudlova obungafanele noma obungabafanele bomngane womshado.
Uma ukuhlaselwa bekubhekwa njengokunesisekelo esiqinile, izisulu cishe azizange zithukuthele. Ngokusekelwe ekuphenduleni kwabahlanganyeli ezimweni ezicatshangelwayo zokungqubuzana, imibhangqwana yahlukaniswa yaba izigaba ezine: bobabili abashadile baveza intukuthelo, inkosikazi kuphela eveza intukuthelo, futhi umyeni uyaminza, yindoda kuphela ezwakalisa intukuthelo, futhi inkosikazi iyaminza, bobabili. abashadayo bayayiqeda intukuthelo.
Abacwaningi bathola ukuthi imibhangqwana engu-26, noma abantu abangu-52, babengabacindezeli—okungukuthi, bobabili abashadile babefihla izimpawu zentukuthelo. Ngesikhathi sokuhlolwa, u-25% wabo ushonile, uma kuqhathaniswa no-12% phakathi kwezinye izithandani. Qhathanisa idatha kuwo wonke amaqembu. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, i-27% yemibhangqwana ecindezelekile yalahlekelwa omunye wabashade nabo, futhi i-23% kokubili. Nakuba emaqenjini amathathu asele, oyedwa kwabashadile ushone ku-19% kuphela wemibhangqwana, futhi kokubili - kuphela ku-6%.
Ngokuphawulekayo, lapho kubalwa imiphumela, ezinye izinkomba nazo zacatshangelwa: iminyaka, isisindo, umfutho wegazi, ukubhema, isimo se-bronchi namaphaphu, kanye nezingozi zenhliziyo. Ngokusho kweHarburg, lezi zibalo eziphakathi nendawo. Ucwaningo lusaqhubeka futhi ithimba lihlela ukuqoqa idatha yeminyaka engama-30. Kodwa ngisho namanje kungabikezelwa ukuthi esibalweni sokugcina semibhangqwana efunga futhi ephikisana, kodwa ehlala enempilo enhle, kuyoba kabili kabili.