Okuqukethwe
Ngamunye wethu uhlangabezana nesidingo esikhona sokusondelana nomunye umuntu - futhi ngempela ngokufanayo. Kodwa lapho uthando lushiya ubuhlobo, siyahlupheka futhi ... ngokuvamile sihlale ndawonye, sithola izizathu eziningi zokungashintshi lutho. Ukwesaba ushintsho nokungaqiniseki kukhulu kangangokuthi kubonakala ngathi: kungcono ukushiya konke njengoba kunjalo. Sithethelela kanjani lesi sinqumo kithina? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Anna Devyatka sihlaziya izaba ezivame kakhulu.
1. "Uyangithanda"
Izaba ezinjalo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi zibonakala ziyinqaba, empeleni zanelisa isidingo sokulondeka salowo othandwayo. Kubonakala sengathi singemuva kodonga lwamatshe, ukuthi yonke into izolile futhi inokwethenjelwa, okusho ukuthi singakhululeka. Kodwa lokhu akulungile kakhulu maqondana nalowo omthandayo, ngoba umuzwa wakhe awuhambisani. Ngaphezu kwalokho, ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, ukucasuka kanye nesimo sengqondo esibi kunganezelwa ukunganaki ngokomzwelo, futhi ngenxa yalokho, ubuhlobo ngeke buphinde bulethe injabulo hhayi kuphela kuwe, kodwa futhi nomlingani wakho.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, kufanelekile ukuhlukanisa "uyangithanda" kokuthi "uthi uyangithanda." Kwenzeka ukuthi umlingani ukhawulelwe kumagama yedwa, kodwa empeleni wephula izivumelwano, unyamalale ngaphandle kwesixwayiso, njalonjalo. Kulokhu, ngisho noma ekuthanda, kanjani ngempela? Unjani udadewenu? Njengomuntu ozokwamukela futhi asekele nakanjani?
Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi yini ngempela eyenzekayo ebuhlotsheni bakho nokuthi kufanelekile ukuqhubeka, noma ngabe sekuyisikhathi eside beyinganekwane.
2. “Wonke umuntu uphila kanje, nami ngingakwazi”
Emashumini eminyaka adlule, isikhungo somndeni sishintshile, kodwa sisenesimo sengqondo esiqinile esakhiwa eminyakeni yangemva kwempi. Khona-ke uthando lwalungabalulekile kangako: kwakudingekile ukwakha umbhangqwana, ngoba wamukelwa ngaleyo ndlela. Yiqiniso, kwakukhona labo ababeshade ngothando futhi bathwala lo muzwa phakathi neminyaka, kodwa lokhu kuhlukile emthethweni.
Manje konke kuhlukile, izimo zengqondo "kufanele nakanjani ushade futhi ubelethe ngaphambi kweminyaka engu-25" noma "indoda akufanele ijabule, kodwa kufanele yenzele umkhaya yonke into, ikhohlwe ngezinto azithandayo" iba yinto yesikhathi esidlule. Sifuna ukujabula, futhi leli yilungelo lethu. Ngakho sekuyisikhathi sokushintsha izaba zokuthi “wonke umuntu uphila kanje, futhi ngingakwazi” ngokufaka “Ngifuna ukujabula futhi ngizokwenza konke ngalokhu; uma ngingajabuli kulobu budlelwano, ngizobe ngikhona kolandelayo.
3. "Izihlobo zizophatheka kabi uma sehlukana"
Esizukulwaneni esikhulile, umshado uyisiqinisekiso sokuzinza nokulondeka. Ukushintsha kwesimo akunakwenzeka ukubajabulisa, kodwa lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele uhlale nomuntu ongathandwa futhi uhlupheke. Uma umbono wabazali bakho ubalulekile kuwe futhi ungafuni ukubacasula, khuluma nabo, ubachazele ukuthi ubuhlobo bakho bamanje bukwenza uhlupheke esikhundleni sokujabulela ukuphila.
4. “Angikwazi ukucabanga ukuthi ngingahlala kanjani ngedwa”
Kulabo abajwayele ukuhlala emshadweni, lokhu kuyingxabano enzima - ikakhulukazi uma umuntu engayizwa ngokugcwele imingcele "yemi" yakhe, akakwazi ukuphendula imibuzo yokuthi ungubani nokuthi yini akwazi ukuyenza empilweni yakhe. okwakho. Izaba ezinjalo ziyisignali yokuthi ulahlekile kumbhangqwana, futhi-ke, udinga ukulungele ukuthi ukuphuma okubukhali ebuhlotsheni kuzoba buhlungu kakhulu. Kuyadingeka ukwenza umsebenzi ongokwengqondo wokulungiselela futhi ufunde ukuthembela kuzinsiza zakho zangaphakathi.
5. "Ingane izokhula ingenayise"
Kuze kube muva nje, ingane ekhuliswe ngumama ohlukanisile yavusa uzwela, futhi abazali bakhe "abanamashwa" - ukulahlwa. Namuhla, abaningi bayaqaphela ukuthi ukungabikho komunye wabazali kwezinye izimo kuyindlela engcono kakhulu yokungahloniphi nokuhlakazeka kwaphakade phambi komntwana.
Ngemuva kwalezi zizathu ezingenhla kukhona ukwesaba okuthile - isibonelo, isizungu, ukungabi nalusizo, ukungakwazi ukuzivikela. Kubalulekile ukuziphendulela ngokwethembeka umbuzo wokuthi ngabe ukulungele yini ukuqhubeka nokuphila ngomqondo okhulayo wokunganeliseki. Wonke umuntu ukhetha ukuthi iyiphi indlela okufanele ahambe ngayo: zama ukwakha ubudlelwano noma ukubuqeda.