Ukucasuka kuyindlela “engcono kakhulu” yokuzibhubhisa wena nobudlelwano

“Sithandwa sami, kuhle, zicabangele wena” — kukangaki sithuka umlingani wethu, simjezisa ngokuthula noma njengobungane silindele ukuba aqonde, aduduze, axolise futhi enze yonke into njengoba sifuna ... Kubalulekile ukuqonda: lesi simo esijwayelekile kungasongela ubudlelwano bakho.

Ukucasuka kusibhubhisa kanjani

Okokuqala, ukucasuka kuwukuzihlukumeza. Ukucasulwa kusho ukuzicasula. Amandla okungeneliseki ngomunye umuntu noma isimo, esiqondiswe ngaphakathi, abangela izinqubo ezilimazayo kokubili ku-psyche nasemzimbeni.

Cishe wonke umuntu waqaphela: lapho sonile, ngokomzimba asinawo amandla okwenza izinto ezibalulekile. “Ngishayiswe okweloli, konke kubuhlungu. Azikho nhlobo izinsiza, asikho isifiso sokwenza okuthile. Ngifuna ukucambalala usuku lonke,” kubhala u-Olga, 42, waseMoscow.

“Lapho ngicasuka, umhlaba ubonakala ushabalala. Ungafuni ukwenza lutho. Ngaphandle kwalapho ubheka iphuzu elilodwa nje, ”kusho uMikhail oneminyaka engu-35 waseSt. “Ngiphelelwa amandla futhi ngikhala kakhulu. Kunzima kakhulu ukubuyela ekukhulumisaneni nokuphila futhi,” kubhala uTatyana oneminyaka engu-27 waseTula.

Umuntu owoniwe ovela kumuntu omdala uphenduka abe ingane encane engakwazi ukuzisiza umenzi wobubi kufanele "ayisindise"

Okwesibili, ukucasuka ukucekelwa phansi kokuxhumana. Kukhuluma abantu ababili, kwavele kwathuleka oyedwa wacasuka. Ukuthintana kwamehlo kuphuka ngokushesha. Ukuphendula noma yimiphi imibuzo, kungaba ukuthula noma izimpendulo ze-monosyllabic: "Konke kuhamba kahle", "Angifuni ukukhuluma", "Uyazi wena".

Konke okudalwe abantu ababili ngesikhathi sokuxhumana - ukwethembana, ukusondelana, ukuqonda - kunqunywa ngokushesha. Umenzi wecala emehlweni omonile uba ngumuntu omubi, umdlwenguli - udeveli wangempela. Kushabalale inhlonipho nothando. Umuntu ocasuliwe ovela kumuntu omdala uphenduka ingane encane engakwazi ukuzisiza, okumele umenzi wobubi manje "ayisindise".

Sicasulwe yini?

Njengoba ubona, ukucasuka kusibhubhisa sobabili kanye nozakwethu. Pho kungani sicasulwa futhi kungani sikwenza? Noma kungani? Ngomqondo othile, lona umbuzo mayelana «nenzuzo».

Zibuze le mibuzo elandelayo.

  • Ukucasuka kungivumela ukuba ngenzeni?
  • Ukucasuka kungivumela ukuthi ngingenzini?
  • Ukucasuka kungivumela ukuba ngitholeni kwabanye?

“Lapho intombi yami icasukile, ngizizwa ngiwumfanyana ogangile. Kunomuzwa wecala engiwuzondayo. Yebo, ngizama ukulungisa ngokushesha yonke into ukuze ngingayizwa. Kodwa lokhu kuyasehlukanisa. Siya ngokuya sincipha isifiso sokukhuluma naye. Kuyanyanyisa ukuzizwa kabi phakade,” kusho uSergei oneminyaka engu-30 waseKazan.

“Umyeni wami uyathinteka kakhulu. Ekuqaleni ngazama, ngibuza ukuthi kwenzekeni, kodwa manje ngiphuma nje ngiyophuza ikhofi nabangane bami. Ukudinwa yilokhu. Sesiseduze nesehlukaniso,” kukhala u-Alexandra oneminyaka engu-41 waseNovosibirsk.

Uma ukwenza lokhu ngokungaguquki, ingabe kuzokuholela empilweni, othandweni, nasenjabulweni nomlingani wakho?

Uma senza okuningi kakhulu kwabanye futhi sibonakala ngokuzibophezela okukhulu, khona-ke ukucasuka kusinika ithuba lokudlulisela umthwalo wemfanelo komunye.

Futhi uma singazi ukuthi singakuthola kanjani ukunakwa ngendlela evamile, eyanele, futhi sithola ukushoda okuqinile othandweni, khona-ke ukucasuka kwenza kube nokwenzeka ukufeza esikufunayo. Kodwa hhayi ngendlela enempilo. Futhi kwenzeka ukuthi ukuziqhenya akusivumeli ukuba sizicelele okuthile, futhi ukuphathwa kwentukuthelo kuholela kumphumela ngaphandle kokubuza.

Ingabe ujwayelene nalokhu? Uma kunjalo, bheka isimo ngesu. Uma ukwenza lokhu ngokungaguquki, ingabe kuzokuholela empilweni, othandweni, nasenjabulweni nomlingani wakho?

Izimbangela zokucasuka esivame ukungaziqapheli

Kubalulekile ukuqonda ukuthi kungani sikhetha le ndlela yokuxhumana elimazayo. Ngezinye izikhathi izizathu zifihlekile kithi ngokwethu. Futhi-ke kubaluleke kakhulu ukuzibona. Phakathi kwabo kungaba:

  • ukwenqatshwa kwenkululeko yokuzikhethela omunye umuntu;
  • okulindelwe komunye, okudalwe ukuqonda kwakho ukuthi "kuhle" nokuthi "kulungile" nokuthi kufanele akuphathe kanjani;
  • umbono wokuthi wena ngokwakho wawungeke ukwenze lokhu, umuzwa wokucabanga kwakho siqu;
  • ukushintsha umthwalo wemfanelo wezidingo zakho kanye nokwaneliseka kwabo komunye umuntu;
  • ukungafuni ukuqonda isikhundla somunye umuntu (ukungabi nozwela);
  • ukungafuni ukunikeza ilungelo lokwenza amaphutha kokubili wena kanye nomunye - i-hyper-demanding;
  • ama-stereotypes ahlala ekhanda ngendlela yemithetho ecacile yendima ngayinye ("abesifazane kufanele benze lokhu", "amadoda kufanele enze lokhu").

Okufanele ngikwenze?

Ingabe uzitholile izizathu zakho kulolu hlu? Futhi mhlawumbe ufunde ohlwini olungenhla izinzuzo ozithola esikhundleni sowoniwe? Khona-ke zinqumele: “Ingabe kufanele ngiqhubeke emoyeni ofanayo? Ngizothola muphi umphumela kimina nabashadikazi bethu?”

Uma, noma kunjalo, ungayithandi ngempela le ndlela, kufanele usebenze nochwepheshe. Yakha kabusha imikhuba yakho yokusabela ngokomzwelo nokuxhumana ngosizo lokuzivocavoca okukhethekile. Phela, ukuqaphela kukodwa akuholeli ekushintsheni. Izenzo ezingaguquguquki ziholela ezinguqukweni empilweni.

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