Okuqukethwe
Ingane yakho ayihlanganise lutho nayo: mtshele!
Ngaphambi kokuthi unqume, zinike isikhathi sokucabangisisa. Lapho ikusasa lomntwana nokuphila kwansuku zonke kusengozini, cabangisisa ngakho ngaphambi kokwenza isinqumo sokuhlukana. Unyaka ngemva kokuzalwa komntwana - kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ingane yokuqala noma yesibili - kunjalo uvivinyo olunzima ikakhulukazi ebuhlotsheni bomshado : ngokuvamile, owesilisa nowesifazane bacasulwa ukushintsha futhi baqhelelane okwesikhashana.
Njengesinyathelo sokuqala, ungangabazi ukubonisana nomuntu wesithathu, umlamuleli womndeni noma umeluleki womshado, ukuze uqonde ukuthi yini engalungile futhi uzame ukuqala kabusha ndawonye ezisekelweni ezintsha.
Uma naphezu kwakho konke, the ukwehlukana kuyadingeka, cabanga kuqala ngokugcina ingane yakho. Ingane, ngisho encane kakhulu, inethalente elihlanyayo lokuzizwa inecala ngalokho okwenzekayo okungekuhle. Mtshele ukuthi umama nobaba wakhe ngeke besaba ndawonye, kodwa ukuthi bayamthanda futhi uzoqhubeka nokubabona bobabili. Kwakungumhlaziyi wengqondo odumile, uFrançoise Dolto, owathola lapho ebonisana nezingane ezisanda kuzalwa umphumela onenzuzo wamazwi eqiniso ezinganeni: “Ngiyazi ukuthi akakuqondi konke engikusho kuye, kodwa ngiyaqiniseka ukuthi wenza okuthile ngakho ngenxa yokuthi wenza okuthile ngakho. akufani kamuva. Umqondo wokuthi umntwana osacathula akasiqapheli isimo futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo angavikelwa entukuthelweni noma osizini lwabazali bakhe uyinkohliso. Ukuthi akakhulumi akusho ukuthi akazizwa! Ngokuphambene nalokho, ingane encane iyisipontshi esingokomzwelo sangempela. Ukubona kahle okwenzekayo, kodwa akakukhulumi ngamazwi. Kubalulekile ukuthatha izinyathelo zokuphepha futhi ngomoya ophansi umchazele ngokwehlukana: “Phakathi kwami noyihlo, kunezinkinga, ngimthukuthelele kakhulu futhi ungithukuthelele kakhulu. »Akudingi ukusho okwengeziwe, ukuthulula usizi lwakhe, intukuthelo yakhe ngoba kudingekile ukulondoloza impilo yengane yakhe futhi kuphephise izingxabano. Uma udinga ukuphumula, khuluma nomngane noma ushwabane.
Faka esikhundleni umfelandawonye wothando ophukile ngomfelandawonye wabazali
Ukuze zikhule kahle futhi zakhe ukulondeka kwangaphakathi, izingane kudingeka zibe nomuzwa wokuthi bobabili abazali babafunela okuhle futhi bayakwazi ukuvumelana ngokunakekelwa kwezingane okungashiyi ngaphandle muntu. Noma engakhulumi, ingane ibamba inhlonipho nenhlonipho esele phakathi kukayise nonina. Kubalulekile ukuthi umzali ngamunye akhulume ngomngane wakhe wangaphambili ngokuthi “uyihlo” nokuthi “umama wakho”, hhayi “omunye”. Ngenxa yenhlonipho nesisa ngengane yakhe, umama ohlala naye endlini yokuqala kufanele alondoloze iqiniso likayise, avuse ukuba khona kukayise lapho engekho, abonise izithombe lapho babendawonye ngaphambi kokuba umkhaya ubhidlize. Into efanayo uma indawo yokuhlala enkulu iphathiswe ubaba. Yize kunzima sebenzela “ukubuyisana” ezingeni labazali, qiniseka ukuthi izinqumo ezibalulekile zithathwa ndawonye: “Ngamaholide, ngizokhuluma noyihlo. »Nika ingane yakho a ukudlula ngokomzwelo ngokumvumela ukuba abe nemizwa enamandla ngomunye umzali: “Unelungelo lokuthanda umama wakho. Qinisekisa ukuthi umzali walowo owayeshade naye ubalulekile:” Umama wakho ungumama okahle. Ukungaphinde umbone ngeke kungisize mina nawe. "" Akukhona ngokuzincisha ubaba wakho ukuthi uzongisiza noma uzisize.
Yenza umehluko phakathi komshado kanye nokuba umzali. Kowesilisa nowesifazane ababengumbhangqwana, ukuhlukana kuyisilonda esidabukisayo. Kumele sikhalise uthando lwabo nomndeni abawudale ndawonye. Bese kuba nengozi enkulu yokudida lowo owayeshade naye kanye nomzali, kuphambaniswe ingxabano phakathi kowesilisa nowesifazane, bese kuba nokuxabana okuxosha uyise noma unina ngokwesithombe. Okulimaza kakhulu ingane ukuvusa ukulahlwa mbumbulu okuhlaselwe : “Uyihlo wahamba, wasilahla”, noma “Umama wakho wahamba, wasishiya. “Ngokuphazima kweso, ingane izithola isiqiniseka ngokuthi ilahliwe futhi iphinda ngokuphindaphindiwe: “Nginomama oyedwa kuphela, angisenaye ubaba. “
Khetha uhlelo lokunakekela izingane lapho engabona khona bobabili abazali
Izinga lesibopho sokuqala umntwana esenziwa nonina liyisisekelo, ikakhulukazi unyaka wokuqala wokuphila kwakhe. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuthi ubaba aphinde akhe isibopho sekhwalithi nengane yakhe kusukela ezinyangeni zokuqala. Uma kwenzeka nihlukana kusenesikhathi, qinisekisa ukuthi ubaba ugcina ukuxhumana futhi unendawo enhlanganweni yokuphila, ukuthi unamalungelo okuvakasha nawokulala. Ukugcinwa ngokuhlanganyela akunconywa phakathi neminyaka yokuqala, kodwa kungenzeka ukulondoloza isibopho sikababa nengane ngalé kokuhlukana ngokuvumelana nesigqi esivamile kanye nesimiso esimisiwe. Umzali okhulisa izingane akayena umzali wokuqala, njengoba nje nomzali “ongeyena usokhaya” engeyena umzali wesibili.
Gcina izikhathi ezihleliwe nomunye umzali. Okokuqala ongakusho enganeni eya komunye umzali usuku noma impelasonto ukuthi, “Ngiyajabula ngokuthi uhamba noyihlo.” ” Owesibili, ukwethemba : “Nginesiqiniseko sokuthi konke kuzohamba kahle, ubaba wakho uhlale enemibono emihle. Okwesithathu ukumchazela ukuthi lapho engekho, isibonelo, uzoya e-cinema nabangani bakho. Ingane ikhululeke ukwazi ukuthi ngeke usale wedwa. Futhi okwesine ukuvusa ukuhlangana: "Ngizojabula ukuhlangana nawe ngeSonto kusihlwa." Ngokufanelekile, umzali ngamunye kulaba ababili uyajabula ngokuthi umntwana ujabulela omunye, lapho engekho.
Gwema ugibe “lokuhlukaniswa kwabazali”
Ngemva kokuhlukana nezingxabano ezihilelekile, intukuthelo nokucasuka kuthatha isikhathi. Kunzima, noma akunakwenzeka, ukubalekela umuzwa wokwehluleka. Kulesi sikhathi esibuhlungu, umzali ophethe ingane uba buthaka kangangokuthi angaba sengozini yokuwela ogibeni lokubamba/ukuthunjwa kwengane. Ama-shrinks abhale izimpawu "zokuhlukaniswa kwabazali". Umzali oqhelelene naye uqhutshwa isifiso sokuziphindiselela, ufuna ukukhokhela omunye ngalokho ahlukumezekile. Uzama ukuhlehlisa noma ngisho nokukhansela amalungelo okuvakasha nawokulala omunye. Izingxoxo ngesikhathi soshintsho ziyithuba lezingxabano nezingxabano phambi kwengane. Umzali oqhelelene naye akabugcini ubuhlobo bengane nabasemzini. Uyanyundela futhi ucindezela ingane ukuba ihlangane nomzali "olungile" (yena) ngokumelene “nokubi” (omunye). I-alienator ihoxisa enganeni kanye nemfundo yakhe, akasenayo impilo yomuntu siqu, abangane nokuzilibazisa. Uziveza njengesisulu sombulali. Ngokuphazima kweso, ingane ithatha uhlangothi lwayo futhi ayisafuni ukubona omunye umzali. Lesi simo sengqondo esibandlululayo sinemiphumela engathi sína ebusheni, lapho ingane ngokwayo ihlola ukuthi omunye umzali wesula emsebenzini njengoba etshelwe futhi ebona ukuthi ukhohlisiwe.
Ukuze ungangeni ogibeni lwe-syndrome yokuhlukaniswa kwabazali, kubalulekile ukwenza imizamo nokuzama, noma ngabe ukungqubuzana kubonakala kungenakunqotshwa, ukubuyisana. Ngokufanayo uma isimo sibonakala siyiqhwa, kuhlale kunethuba lokuthatha isinyathelo ngendlela efanele, ukushintsha imibuso, ukuthuthukisa ubuhlobo. Ungalindi ukuthi lowo owawushade naye athathe isinyathelo sokuqala, thatha isinyathelo kuqala, ngoba ngokuvamile, omunye uyalinda ... Ukulinganisela ngokomzwelo kwengane yakho kusengozini. Ngakho-ke eyakho!
Ungasuli ubaba ukuze uvulele umngane omusha indawo
Ngisho noma ukuhlukana kwenzeka lapho umntwana enonyaka owodwa ubudala, umntwana ukhumbula uyise nonina ngokuphelele, inkumbulo yakhe engokomzwelo ayisoze yabasusa! Kuwumkhonyovu obhekene nengane, ngisho noma incane kakhulu, ukuyicela ukuthi ibize ubaba/umama ngoyise-kababa noma uninazala. Lawa magama agcinelwe abazali bobabili, ngisho noma behlukene. Ngokombono wofuzo nongokomfanekiso, ukuthi ingubani ingane yakhiwa uyise nomama wayo bangempela futhi asinakuziba iqiniso. Ngeke sithathe isikhundla sikamama nobaba ekhanda lengane, ngisho noma umngane omusha ethatha indima yokuba ubaba noma umama nsuku zonke. Isixazululo esingcono kakhulu ukubabiza ngamagama abo okuqala.
Ukufunda: “Ingane ekhululekile noma ingane ethunjiwe. Indlela yokuvikela ingane ngemva kokuhlukana kwabazali ”, nguJacques Biolley (ed. Izibopho ezikhulula). “Ukuqonda umhlaba wengane”, kaJean Epstein (ed. Dunod).