Emndenini wabantu abanobuthi, ngicela abangenzi lutho! Kunzima ukuchaza ngoba kugcwele ukuphikisana, abantu abanolaka abangenzi lutho banobuthi kwabanye. Baziphatha kanjani abantu abanolaka? Kuyini ukucasuka kwentendelezo? Yini okufanele uyenze ngokuziphatha kwe-passive-aggressive? Izimpendulo.

Igama elithi "passive-aggressive" laqanjwa phakathi neMpi Yezwe II ngudokotela wezengqondo waseMelika, uColonel Menninger. Wayebonile ukuthi amanye amasosha ayenqaba ukulalela iziyalezo kodwa awazange abonise ngamazwi noma ngokucasuka. Esikhundleni salokho, babonise ukuziphatha kokungenzi lutho ukuze badlulisele umlayezo wabo: ukuhlehlisa, ukwehlisa amandla, ukungasebenzi… Lawa masosha ayengabonisi ukuzimisela kwawo ukuthi “cha” ngokucacile. Lokhu kubizwa nge-masked rebellion. 

Okokuqala okufakwe ohlwini njengesifo sobuntu ku-DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders), ukuphazamiseka kwe-passive-aggressive kwasuswa kuManuwali ngo-1994. Kodwa iqiniso lihlala liwukuthi laba bantu bangase babe umsuka wezinkinga ezinkulu zobudlelwane emsebenzini, othandweni, emndenini noma ebunganini, njenganoma yisiphi esinye isifo sobuntu. Ngempela, lapho sibhekene nomuntu ongenzi lutho othi “yebo” kodwa empeleni acabange ukuthi “cha”, asazi ukuthi kufanele sisabele kanjani. Ukwenqaba njalo ukuzithoba egunyeni kodwa ngaphandle kokukusho ngokucacile, abantu abanolaka abangenzi lutho bavusa intukuthelo nokungaqondi kwabaxoxisana nabo. Ngaphezu kwalokhu ukwenqaba okufihliwe ukulalela:

• Ukuphika. Abantu abanolaka ababoni ukuziphatha kwabo.
• Amanga. 
• Ukumelana noshintsho.
• Ukuhlukunyezwa. 
• Umuzwa wokushushiswa.
• Ukugxeka abanye.
• Ukungathathi hlangothi komphakathi. 

Asizalwa sinolaka, siba yilo. Kumelwe sihlukanise phakathi kokuziphatha kokungenzi lutho-nolaka, sonke esingaphendukela kukho ezimweni ezithile, kubantu abangenzi lutho abanolaka, okuhlala unomphela ngoba bacindezela izinkinga ezijulile ezingokwengqondo. Ngakho-ke, izici eziningana zingaholela ekuhlaseleni okungahleliwe:

• Ukwesaba ukungqubuzana.
• Ukwesaba ushintsho. Lokhu kubeka imithetho emisha lapho i-passive-aggressive kuzodingeka ihambise kuyo. 
• Ukuntula ukuzethemba nokuzethemba okuzibonakalisa ngokwanda kokuthambekela. Ukusuka lapho intando yokungayi ekuxabaneni ukugwema noma yikuphi ukugxekwa.
• Ukukhulela emndenini ongenalo igunya ngakho-ke imingcele noma ngokuphambene nalokho emndenini lapho ukuveza intukuthelo nokukhungatheka kwakungavunyelwe, ngenxa yomuntu onegunya ngokwedlulele. 
• Ukusangana. Umuzwa wokuhlala uhlaselwa abanye ungase uchaze le ndlela yokuzivikela ehlelekile ye-passive-aggressive.

Indlela engcono kakhulu yokusebenzelana nomuntu onolaka iwukuhambisana nezinhlamvu zikasawoti… ​​Lapho unegunya futhi uphikelela kakhulu naye, kulapho ethobela kancane.

Emsebenzini, zama ngangokunokwenzeka ukungacasuli noma ukucasula ozakwenu onolaka ngoba bona, ngokungafani nawe, bazoba nobunzima bokubekezelela futhi ekuphenduleni ngeke bazimisele ukusebenza nawe. KuChristophe André, udokotela wengqondo kanye nombhali wencwadi ethi “Ngimelana nabantu abanobuthi (nezinye izinambuzane)”, Kuyancomeka, ngo-passive-aggressive, uku“njalo uwahloniphe amafomu, mbuze ngesinqumo ngasinye noma iseluleko ngasinye”. Iqiniso lokuzizwa liwusizo lizombuyisela ukuzethemba kwakhe. Futhi, kunokuba umvumele acunuke futhi akhononde ekhoneni lakhe, kungcono "mkhuthaze ukuthi aveze okungalungile”. Abantu abangenalo ulaka badinga ukuqinisekiswa nokuqeqeshwa ukuze baveze izidingo zabo, intukuthelo nokukhungatheka. Nokho, ungazivumeli ukuba ubhekane nokwenqaba kwakhe ukulalela. Lindela inhlonipho encane kulo muntu futhi umenze aqonde ukuthi ukuziphatha kwakhe kokungenzi lutho kuyinkinga ebudlelwaneni bakhe nabanye. Ngokuvamile, abantu abanolaka abaqapheli ukuthi banjalo, kuze kube ngolunye usuku bebona ukuthi ubudlelwano babo bomsebenzi, bothando, obunobungane noma bomndeni bunesiphithiphithi futhi kungenzeka ukuthi banento yokwenza nakho. njengoba amaphethini afanayo abhubhisayo aphindaphindiwe ekuphileni kwabo. Kulokhu, usizo lukachwepheshe lungacatshangelwa futhi luwusizo ukuqeda lezi zindlela zokuziphatha eziphazamisayo ngokweqile.