“Ngingumuntu ohluliwe”, “Angikaze ngibe nobudlelwano obujwayelekile”, “Ngizophinde ngilahlekelwe”. Ngisho nabantu abazethembayo, cha, cha, yebo, futhi bazibambele emicabangweni enjalo. Indlela yokuphonsela inselelo ngokushesha nangempumelelo imibono yakho ngawe? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Robert Leahy sinikeza ithuluzi elilula kodwa elinamandla.
Yini engakusiza ukuba ubhekane nemizwa ebuhlungu futhi ufinyelele imigomo yakho? Kuthiwani ngokuhlola izindlela zomuntu siqu zokucabanga? Konke lokhu kufundiswa i-monograph entsha ye-psychotherapist, inhloko ye-American Institute of Cognitive Therapy uRobert Leahy. Incwadi ethi "Techniques of Cognitive Psychotherapy" ihloselwe ochwepheshe bezengqondo nabafundi bamanyuvesi engqondo kanye nomsebenzi wabo ongokoqobo namakhasimende, kodwa abangewona ochwepheshe bangasebenzisa okuthile. Isibonelo, inqubo, umlobi ayibiza ngokuthi «180 Degree Turn — Confirmation of the Negative», yethulwa ekushicilelweni njengesabelo somsebenzi wesikole weklayenti.
Kunzima kakhulu ngathi ukuvuma ukungapheleli kwethu, sigxilise ingqondo, “sibambelele” emaphutheni ethu, senze iziphetho ezinkulu ngathi ngokwethu kuwo. Kodwa ngamunye wethu unamaphutha nakanjani.
“Sonke sinemikhuba noma izimfanelo esizibheka njengezingezinhle. Injalo imvelo yomuntu. Phakathi kwabajwayelene nabo akekho noyedwa umuntu olungile, ngakho-ke ukulwela ukuphelela akulona iqiniso, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo silindele umsebenzi wakhe. — Ake sibone ukuthi yini ozigxeka ngayo, yini ongayithandi ngawe. Cabanga ngezici ezimbi. Bese ucabanga ukuthi bekungaba njani uma ubabona njengalokho onelungelo lakho. Ungakuthatha njengengxenye yakho - umuntu ongaphelele ompilo yakhe egcwele ukukhuphuka nokwehla.
Ungaphathi le nqubo njengesikhali sokuzigxeka, kodwa njengethuluzi lokuqashelwa, ukuzwelana nokuziqonda wena.
U-Leahy ube esemema umfundi ukuba acabange ukuthi unemfanelo ethile engeyinhle. Isibonelo, ukuthi uyisiphukuphuku, ungaphandle, uhlanya, mubi. Ake sithi ucabanga ukuthi ngezinye izikhathi ungumuntu wezingxoxo oyisicefe. Esikhundleni sokulwa nakho, kungani ungakwamukeli? Yebo, ngingaba yisicefe kwabanye, kodwa kunezinto eziningi ezithakazelisayo ekuphileni kwami.
Ukuze uzijwayeze lokhu, sebenzisa itafula, umlobi alibiza ngokuthi: "Ngingabhekana kanjani uma kuvela ukuthi nginezimfanelo ezimbi ngempela."
Ohlwini lwesokunxele, bhala lokho okucabangayo ngezimfanelo zakho zobuntu nokuziphatha. Ekholamu ephakathi, phawula ukuthi likhona yini iqiniso kule micabango. Kukholomu engakwesokudla, bhala izizathu zokuthi kungani lezi zimfanelo nokuziphatha kungakabi inkinga enkulu kuwe - phela, unezinye izimfanelo eziningi futhi ungahlanganyela emisebenzini ehlukahlukene.
Ungase uhlangabezane nobunzima ngesikhathi sokugcwalisa. Abanye abantu bacabanga ukuthi ukuvuma izimfanelo zethu ezimbi kufana nokuzigxeka, futhi itafula eliqediwe liyoba isiqinisekiso esicacile sokuthi sizicabangela ngendlela engalungile. Kodwa-ke kuhle ukukhumbula ukuthi asiphelele futhi wonke umuntu unezici ezimbi.
Futhi enye into: phatha le nqubo hhayi njengesikhali sokuzigxeka, kodwa njengethuluzi lokuqashelwa, ukuzwelana nokuziqonda wena. Phela uma sithanda ingane siyayibona futhi siyakwamukela ukushiyeka kwayo. Ake, okungenani isikhashana, sibe ingane enjalo ngokwethu. Sekuyisikhathi sokuthi uzinakekele.
Umthombo: URobert Leahy "Amasu we-Cognitive Psychotherapy" (Peter, 2020).