Ngaphambi kokuba sikhulume ngobungane besilisa nabesifazane, kumelwe siqale sichaze ubungane, lo mbono ebesiwusebenzisa kusukela ebuntwaneni bethu. Ngokuzihlanganisa nesiko laseNtshonalanga, kungathathwa ngokuthi ubudlelwano bokuzithandela phakathi kwabantu abangu-2 okungasekelwe ezithakazelweni zomphakathi noma zezomnotho, ukuhlobana noma ukukhangwa ngokocansi. Ukwamukela okuphindaphindiwe, isifiso sokuqomisana, ukusondelana okubopha abantu abangu-2, ukwethembana, ukusekelwa kwengqondo noma ngisho nezinto ezibonakalayo, ukuncika komunye ngokomzwelo kanye nobude besikhathi yizo zonke izici ezakha lobu bungane.

Kuze kube emashumini ambalwa eminyaka adlule, ubungane phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane babubhekwa njengento engenakwenzeka noma inkohliso. Sasimbheka njengaye uhlobo olufihliwe lokukhangwa ngokocansi noma kwezothando.

Indaba eyinhloko ekuqiniseni ubungane phakathi kwamantombazane nabafana isekelwe ukuhlukaniswa komphakathi wabo bobabili ubulili, ekhona kusukela ekuzalweni. Yilokhu kwehlukana okufanayo okungaba umsuka womthethosisekelo wobunikazi bobulili kanye nezindima zomphakathi ezihambisana nobulili ngalunye. Ngenxa yalokho, amantombazane nabafana bakhangwa emisebenzini ehlukene futhi bahlanganisa izinhlobo ezithile zokusebenzisana ezivimbela ukudalwa kobungani bowesilisa nowesifazane.

Sekuyisikhathi eside kucatshangwa ukuthi abesifazane bagcina ubungane babo ngezingxoxo, ukuzethemba kanye nokusondelana kwemizwelo kuyilapho amadoda evame ukukhula ngokusondelana ngemisebenzi evamile. Kodwa eminyakeni yamuva nje, ucwaningo olusha luye lwabonisa ukuthi lezi zindlela ziwohloka kakhulu, abesifazane baya ngokuya befuna ukusondelana phakathi kwemisebenzi ehlangene, futhi amadoda aveza imizwa yawo ngokwengeziwe.

Ukuphatha ukukhangwa ngokocansi yiphuzu elibuhlungu lobungane bobulili obuhlukile. Ngempela, u-20 kuya ku-30% wamadoda, kanye ne-10 kuya ku-20% yabesifazane bayaqaphela ukuba khona kokukhangwa kwemvelo yocansi ngaphakathi kohlaka lobudlelwano obunobungane phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane.

Izifundo zibonisa lokho amadoda avame ukukhangwa abangane bawo bobulili obuhlukile. Lokhu kungachazwa yiqiniso lokuthi indima yezenhlalo yendoda ingathethelela isimangalo sesici esibaluleke kakhulu socansi noma ngesithombe sowesifazane esibuyiswe yinkampani yethu. Abanye ababhali, njengoRubin, bakholelwa ukuthi kungenxa yokungakwazi kwabantu ukuqonda incazelo yezinkomba zokusondelana okubabophayo. Ngamanye amazwi, le ndoda yayingazichaza ngokungeyikho izimpawu zabangane bayo ezinobungane.

Ukukhangwa ngokocansi kuyinkinga ebunganeni besilisa nabesifazane ngezizathu ezimbalwa:

• Kungangcolisa ubudlelwano bokuziphatha nobenhlalo obungabandakanyi ukuthintana ngokomzimba ngokuvuna ukuxhumana ngemilingo.
• Ibahlukanisa ngokungenakulungiseka abantu abathintekayo futhi ibambe iqhaza ekulimazeni ubudlelwano.
• Kushintsha ubudlelwano obunobungani bube obanentshisekelo, obungahambisani nemibono yobungane obungenangqondo.
• Ithuthukisa ukubukeka kwengxenye yaseshashalazini yobuntu, eyenziwa ukuze ihehe futhi iyenge omunye, inciphisa ubuqiniso, ubuqotho nokuzenzakalela, okubalulekile ebunganeni beqiniso.

Abacwaningi babonise ukuthi ezikhathini eziningi, kuhlale kunokukhangana okuncane phakathi kwalaba ababili.

Iningi labo liyakugwema ukulibika, uma kucatshangelwa ukuthi lesi simemezelo sasiyobubeka engozini ngokungathí sina ubungane obuhle obuzalwa phakathi kwalaba ababili. Lokhu kuheha kungaletha ikakhulukazi imizwa ethambile yokushiywa ngaphandle kanye nokwabiwa. 

Ucwaningo oluningana lubonise ukuthi amadoda nabesifazane bagqama ezixhumanisini eziningana ezihlanganisa ubungane: izikhungo zentshisekelo, ukuzwela, indlela yokubonisa imizwa, amakhodi okuxhumana, indlela ethile yokuholela ohlotsheni oluthile lokusabela noma Ukuziphatha... Ubunikazi bobulili bungaba umsuka walo mehluko omkhulu.

Nokho, kusobala ukuthi abantu ababili bavame ukwakha ubungane uma benezinto abafana ngazo. 

Abesilisa nabesifazane abanabangane bobulili obuhlukile bathi lobu budlelwano abuncintisani kakhulu kunobungane bobulili obufanayo, futhi abunazinkinga kunobudlelwano. Siyaqaphela futhi:

• Ulwazi olungcono ngabobulili obuhlukile. Ubungane bendoda nowesifazane bubonakala bukwazi ukukhuthaza ukuqonda kwabobulili obuhlukile kanye nemithetho yabo.
• Ulwazi olujulile ngawe. Ubungane phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane buvumela abantu ukuthi bathole futhi basebenzise izici ezingaziwa ngabo: sikhuluma "ngemizwa ehloliwe". 

“Ngicabanga ukuthi kumuntu wesifazane, ikakhulukazi uma kukhona okukhangwayo, noma engakaze avele aqome noma aqome, kuhlale kukhona lo mkhuba wokuphendukela ocansini futhi osusa ukushesha, kuyawuthatha. ubuqotho kubantu abathintekayo. Futhi lokho kunciphisa ubungane beqiniso ”. UDemosthenes, oneminyaka engama-38

« Ukuze ubungane phakathi kobulili obubili bufezeke, kungenzeka ukuthi bekunobudlelwano obufushane bobulili obungazange buphumelele, noma bekungakaze kuxoxwe ngakho […] ". UParis, oneminyaka engama-38