Okuqukethwe
Sijwayele ukuphatha uthando njengomzwelo omlingo owenza ukuphila kwethu kujabulise, unikeza amandla nokuqonda okusha ngathi. Konke lokhu kuyiqiniso, kodwa kuphela uma singesabi ubuhlungu esingabuzwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, kusho ochwepheshe bethu. Futhi bahlaziya izimo lapho sisebenzisa kuphela uzakwethu ukuze sizame ukudambisa ukwesaba noma ukucasha kokuhlangenwe nakho.
Okuwukuphela kwakhe
“Ngangingeke ngikwazi ukuphila ngaphandle kwalo muntu, ngangihlala ngilindele imihlangano, kodwa uthando lwalungahlangani,” kukhumbula u-Alla. – Wayevame ukubanda nami, sahlangana kuphela ngesikhathi esikahle kuye. Kubonakala sengathi ngangivele ngiphila kulokhu ebuntwaneni bami, lapho ubaba, ngemva kwesehlukaniso, engabonakali ngezinsuku okuvunyelwene ngazo, futhi ngangimlindile, ngikhala.
Khona-ke angikwazanga ukulawula isimo, futhi manje ngazidalela isihogo ngezandla zami. Lapho le ndoda inquma ukuthi kufanele sihambe, ngacindezeleka futhi namanje, ngiqaphela nokuthi sasingenalo ikusasa, angikwazi ukucabanga omunye eduze kwami.
“Ngokushesha lapho siqala ukucabanga ukuthi uthando lwethu luhlukile futhi akukho okufana nalokhu okuyophinde kwenzeke kithi, okungenzeka ukuthi lokhu akukhona mayelana nokuxhumana okuqaphelayo nomlingani wangempela, kodwa mayelana nokuphindaphinda isipiliyoni esidinga ukunakwa kaningi, ” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMarina Meows. - Kulokhu, i-heroine ngokwayo idonsela ukufana nobaba obandayo, ongenandaba, omthola kumlingani onezici ze-narcissistic, okumvumela ukuba akhumbule isimo sezingane.
Lapho umuntu ezimela futhi ezimele, kancane kancane ukubheka unina noma uyise lapho ekhetha umlingani
Ukukhangwa abobulili obuhlukile kwakhiwa ebuntwaneni: umama / ubaba, ngokusho kwemfundiso kaFreud, uphenduka into yokuqala yokulala nengane. Uma lesi sikhathi sokuqala sokuphila sihamba kahle, umntwana wayethandwa futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo wafundiswa ukuzibona njengomuntu ozimele, esikhathini sokukhula akafuni ukukhetha abantu abamkhumbuza abazali bakhe njengabalingani.
Lolu uhlobo lokuhlola ukuvuthwa: lapho umuntu ezimele futhi ezimele, kancane ubheka unina noma uyise lapho ekhetha umlingani. Akazami ukuqagela izici ezifanayo zokubukeka noma amaphethini okuziphatha kothandiweyo wakhe, futhi akazibuyiseli izimo zobuntwana ezingaphili ebuhlotsheni.
Ozakwethu abangakhululekile
U-Artem uthi: “Lapho sihlangana, wayeshadile, kodwa angikwazanga ukumelana nalo muzwa ovuthayo. - Ngaqaphela ngokushesha ukuthi ngidinga lona wesifazane kuphela, ngihlushwa umona, ngacabanga ukuthi ngizombulala kanjani umyeni wakhe. Wahlupheka, wakhala, wahlukaniswa phakathi kwezibopho zomfazi nomama nothando lwethu. Nokho, lapho enquma ukudivosa futhi ezohlala nami, asikwazanga ukulondoloza ubuhlobo.”
"Ukukhethwa komlingani ongeyena mahhala kungenye isibonelo esicacile semizwa yomzali engazange acindezelwe ebuntwaneni," kusho isazi se-psychoanalyst u-Olga Sosnovskaya. "Uma uhumusha okwenzekayo olimini lwe-psychoanalysis, khona-ke umuntu uzama ukungena embhedeni womunye umuntu futhi aphule inyunyana, njengoba ayekade efuna ukuhlukanisa umbhangqwana wabazali."
Ukuphindaphinda okwedlulele kokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni ebudlelwaneni babantu abadala ngeke kusenze sijabule.
Ebuntwaneni, sonke sidlula esigabeni sokuzonda abazali bethu ngenxa yokuthi bangabanye, sisele singenamuntu, sisodwa. Okuhlangenwe nakho kwe-Oedipus complex kuwumzamo wokuhlukanisa umama nobaba futhi kufanele ngokomfanekiso omunye wabazali. Uma abantu abadala bengazange basize ingane endaweni esekelayo ukuba idlule esigabeni sokuhlukaniswa futhi ihlukanise njengomuntu kusuka kumbhangqwana wabazali, khona-ke esikhathini esizayo sizophinde siqhutshelwe ukukhetha umlingani ongakhululekile ngesifiso sokuphinda futhi sixazulule. isimo sezingane esibuhlungu.
"Akukona ngengozi ukuthi indaba ka-Artem iphetha ngokuthi ukuphila ndawonye akusebenzi," kuchaza u-Olga Sosnovskaya. - Ngisho noma singakwazi ukuhlukanisa umbhangqwana womunye umuntu futhi umlingani adivose, ngokuvamile ulahlekelwa ukuthandeka kwakhe. I-libido yethu iyancipha. Ukuphindaphinda okuphindaphindiwe kokuhlangenwe nakho kwasebuntwaneni ebuhlotsheni babantu abadala ngeke kusenze sijabule.”
Ozakwethu efrijini
“Sesineminyaka eminingi sindawonye, futhi sonke lesi sikhathi indoda yami ilondoloza ubuhlobo namanye amantombazane awabiza ngokuthi abangani,” kuvuma u-Anna. – Omunye wabo yi-ex osamthanda, abanye futhi ngokusobala abanandaba naye. Nginomuzwa wokuthi ukunaka kwabo kuyamthopha. Angifuni ukwenza ubudlelwano bube bubheda futhi ngimphoqe ukuthi agqashule, kodwa okwenzeka kimi akumnandi. Kuyasihlukanisa.”
Abalingani abangasese bayisiqinisekiso esingokomfanekiso sokuthi uma kwenzeka ukuhlukana okungalindelekile kokuhlala unomphela, ngeke bakuvumele uwele osizini futhi uzwe imizwa ebuhlungu umuntu abesabayo futhi ayigweme. Kodwa-ke, lesi "isiqandisi esingokomzwelo" kufanele sigcinwe: sondliwe ngemihlangano, izingxoxo, izithembiso.
“Lokhu kuthatha amandla omqondo, okwenza kube nzima ukugxilisa ingqondo nokwakha ubuhlobo obugcwele nomuntu omthandayo,” kukhumbula uMarina Myaus. - Kukhona ukuhlukana kokwazi, lapho sesaba ukuthemba umlingani oyedwa. Uyakuzwa, futhi akukuvumeli ukuthi uzuze ukusondelana kwangempela.
Indlela yokuxhumana nozakwethu
"Iphutha eliyinhloko lapho uhlangana ukuthola isiqinisekiso ngokushesha ngangokunokwenzeka ukuthi umlingani ulungele ukudala umbhangqwana nathi," kusho u-Olga Sosnovskaya. “Asiziniki inkinga yokubona umuntu bese sisondela kuye kancane kancane, silwela ukuphoqelela omunye indima yakhe phambilini.”
Lokhu kungenxa yokuthi abaningi bethu bayesaba ukwenqatshwa, amathuba okuthi ubudlelwano ngeke buphumelele, bese uzama ukufaka ichashazi elithi “i” kusengaphambili. Lokhu kufundwa ngakolunye uhlangothi njengengcindezi enolaka, eqeda ngokushesha ukwethembana kanye nokwenzeka komfelandawonye, okuthi, uma siziphatha ngendlela ehlukile nozakwethu, kungaba nekusasa.
“Imvamisa, ukwesaba ukwenqatshwa kusishukumisela ukuba sizame ukwenza isethi yamaqhinga angokwengqondo komunye umuntu, aklanyelwe ukwenza umlingani wethu athandane futhi athobele intando yethu,” kuphawula uMarina Myaus. "Uyakuzwa futhi uyenqaba ngokwemvelo ukuba irobhothi elilalelayo."
Ukwakha ubuhlobo obujulile, obunelisayo, kubalulekile okokuqala ukubhekana nokwesaba kwakho futhi uyeke ukulindela iziqinisekiso zempilo yakho engokwengqondo evela kumuntu wesibili.