Sonke sinezingxoxo ezingapheli zengqondo, singaqapheli ukuthi iphimbo lakho nokuqukethwe kusithinta kangakanani isimo sethu somqondo kanye nokuzethemba. Phakathi naleso sikhathi, ubudlelwano nezwe langaphandle kuncike ngokuphelele kulokhu, ukhumbula psychotherapist Rachel Fintzey. Kuyafaneleka ukwenza ubungane ngezwi elingaphakathi - bese okuningi kuzoshintsha kube ngcono.
Sichitha amahora angu-24 ngosuku, izinsuku eziyisikhombisa ngesonto nathi futhi sibe nezingxoxo nathi ezithinta kakhulu imizwa yethu, izenzo kanye nezimfanelo zethu zomuntu siqu. Zizwakala kanjani izingxoxo zakho zangaphakathi? Yisiphi ithoni oyizwayo? Unesineke, unomusa, uyazitika, uyakhuthaza? Noma ethukuthele, egxeka futhi ehlambalaza?
Uma lokhu kwamuva, ungajahi ukucasuka. Ungase ucabange, “Awu, yilokho engiyikho. Sesiphuzile ukushintsha." Lokhu akulona iqiniso. Noma kunalokho, akunjalo ngempela. Yebo, kuzodinga umzamo ukushintsha izingqondo «amajaji» ehlezi ekhanda lakho. Yebo, ngezikhathi ezithile kuyozwakala wonke amazwi acasulayo afanayo. Kodwa uma ufunda imikhuba «amademoni angaphakathi», kuyoba lula kakhulu ukuwagcina ngaphansi kokulawula. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uzofunda ukuzitholela amagama azokhuthaza, akhuthaze, akhuthaze ukuzethemba futhi anikeze amandla.
Ungase uzitshele ukuthi: “Angikulungele lokhu” futhi ekugcineni ulahle phansi. Noma ungase uthi, “Ngidinga ukusebenzela kulokhu okwengeziwe.”
Imizwelo yethu incike ngokuphelele emicabangweni yethu. Ake ucabange ukuthi uvumelene nomngane wakho ukuthi niphuze inkomishi yekhofi, kodwa akafikanga. Ake sithi ucabange, “Akafuni ukujola nami. Nginesiqiniseko sokuthi uzoza nezaba.” Ngenxa yalokho, uphetha ngokuthi awunakwa futhi ucasukile. Kodwa uma ucabanga ukuthi: “Kumelwe ukuba ubambekile emgwaqeni” noma “Kukhona okumbambezele,” khona-ke cishe lesi simo ngeke sikulimaze ukuzethemba kwakho.
Ngokufanayo, sibhekana nokwehluleka namaphutha omuntu siqu. Ungasho kuwena ukuthi: “Angikulungele lokhu” — futhi ekugcineni ulahle ithemba. Noma ungakwenza ngendlela ehlukile: “Ngidinga ukusebenza okwengeziwe kulokhu,” futhi uzikhuthaze ukuthi uphindaphinde imizamo yakho.
Ukuze uthole ukuthula kwengqondo futhi uphumelele ngokwengeziwe, zama ukushintsha izitatimende ezivamile.
Njengomthetho, imizamo yethu yokumelana nezimo noma imizwa ebuhlungu yengeza uphethiloli emlilweni. Esikhundleni sokulwa ngobudlova nesimo esingesihle, ungazama ukusamukela futhi uzikhumbuze ukuthi:
- "Indlela okwenzeka ngayo, kwenzeka";
- “Ngingasinda kukho, ngisho noma ngingakuthandi nhlobo”;
- "Awukwazi ukulungisa okwedlule";
- "Okwenzekile kulindelekile uma kubhekwa konke okwenzekile kuze kube manje."
Qaphela ukuthi ukwamukela akusho ukuzihlalela ngenkathi ungakwazi ngempela ukulungisa izinto. Kusho nje ukuthi simisa umzabalazo ongenangqondo ngeqiniso.
Nokho, singagxila kokuhle ngokuzikhumbuza ngakho konke esibonga ngakho:
- "Ubani ongenzele into enhle namuhla?"
- "Ubani ongisizile namuhla?"
- “Ngisize bani? Ubani oseke waba lula nakakhulu ukuphila?
- "Ubani futhi ungenze ngamamatheka kanjani?"
- “Ngiyabonga kubani engizizwa ngibalulekile? Bakwenze kanjani?
- “Ubani ongixolele? Ngimxolele bani? Ngizizwa kanjani manje?
- “Ngibonge ubani namuhla? Ngazizwa kanjani ngesikhathi esifanayo?
- "Ubani ongithandayo? Ngithanda bani?
- “Yini engenze ngajabula nakakhulu?”
- “Yini engiyifundile kusukela namuhla?”
- "Yini engasebenzi izolo, kodwa ephumelele namuhla?"
- "Yini engenze ngajabula namuhla?"
- "Yini enhle eyenzeka emini?"
- "Yini okufanele ngiyibonge namuhla?"
Lapho sizijwayeza ukuzikhulumela okuhle, ubudlelwano bethu nathi buyathuthuka. Lokhu nakanjani kudala ukusabela okulandelanayo: ubudlelwano bethu nabanye buya kuba ngcono, futhi kunezizathu eziningi zokubonga. Yenza ubungane ngezwi elingaphakathi, umphumela walo omuhle awupheli!
Mayelana Nombhali: U-Rachel Fintzy Woods uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sasemtholampilo, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, futhi uchwepheshe wezifo zengqondo, ukuphathwa kwemizwelo, ukuziphatha okuyimpoqo, kanye nokuzisiza okuphumelelayo.