"Ngicabanga ukuthi ngingumama omubi": yini okufanele uyenze?

Ngingumama olungile? Wonke owesifazane uzibuza lo mbuzo okungenani ngezinye izikhathi ngonyaka wokuqala ngemva kokuzalwa komntwana. Umphakathi wanamuhla ubeka isithombe sikamama ofanelekayo, ophumelela kukho konke kalula: uzinikela enganeni, akalokothi athukuthele, akakhathali futhi akacasulwa yizinto ezincane.

Eqinisweni, abesifazane abaningi babhekana nokuhlukaniswa nomphakathi, ukucindezeleka kwangemva kokubeletha, nokuntula ubuthongo okungapheli. Konke lokhu kuncisha umzimba, obungenaso isikhathi sokululama ngemva kokubeletha, amandla awo okugcina. Omama abasebasha bazizwa bekhathele, bethukile, bengenamsebenzi walutho.

Bese kuba nokungabaza: “Ngizokwazi yini ukuba ngumama omuhle? Ngingayikhulisa kanjani ingane uma ngingakwazi ukuzibamba? Anginaso isikhathi sanoma yini!» Ukuvela kwemicabango enjalo kunengqondo impela. Kodwa ukuze sixoshe ukungabaza, ake sibheke izizathu zokubukeka kwabo.

Ukucindezela komphakathi

Isazi sezokuhlalisana kwabantu uGerard Neirand, ongumbhali wencwadi ethi Father, Mother and Indefinite Functions, ubona isizathu sokukhathazeka komama abasebancane ngokuthi namuhla ukukhuliswa komntwana “kungokwengqondo” kakhulu. Sitshelwa ukuthi amaphutha ekukhulisweni noma ukuntuleka kothando ebuntwaneni angonakalisa ngokungathi sína ukuphila komntwana. Konke ukwehluleka kwempilo yabantu abadala kuvame ukubangelwa izinkinga zobuntwana kanye namaphutha abazali.

Ngenxa yalokho, omama abasebasha bazizwa benesibopho ngokweqile ngekusasa lomntwana futhi besaba ukwenza iphutha elibulalayo. Kungazelelwe, kungenxa yakhe ukuthi indodana izoba i-egoist, isigebengu, ngeke ikwazi ukuqala umndeni futhi igcwalise? Konke lokhu kubangela ukukhathazeka kanye nezidingo ezikhulayo kuwe.

imibono ehlukene

UMarion Conyard, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esisebenza ngokukhethekileyo ekukhuliseni izingane, uphawula ukuthi isizathu esenza abesifazane abaningi bakhathazeke isifiso sokugcina isikhathi nokulawula.

Bafuna ukuhlanganisa ukuba ngumama, umsebenzi, impilo yomuntu siqu kanye nokuzilibazisa. Futhi ngasikhathi sinye bazama ukunikeza konke okuhle kuzo zonke izinhlangothi, babe yimibono okufanele bayilandele. “Izifiso zabo ziningi futhi ngezinye izikhathi ziyaphikisana, okubangela ukungqubuzana kwengqondo,” kusho uMarion Conyard.

Ngaphezu kwalokho, abaningi bavalelwe ama-stereotypes. Isibonelo, ukuthi ukuchitha isikhathi kuwe uma unengane encane kuwubugovu, noma ukuthi umama wezingane eziningi akakwazi ukubamba isikhundla esibalulekile sobuholi. Isifiso sokulwa nemibono enjalo sidala izinkinga.

i-neurosis yomama

“Ukuba ngumama kuyathusa kakhulu. Konke kuyashintsha: indlela yokuphila, isikhundla, imithwalo yemfanelo, izifiso, izifiso nezinkolelo, njll. Lokhu nakanjani kuthunaza indlela umuntu azibheka ngayo,” kuqhuba uMarion Conyard.

I-psyche yowesifazane ngemva kokuzalwa kwengane ilahlekelwa wonke amaphuzu okusekela. Ngokwemvelo, kukhona ukungabaza nokwesaba. Omama abasebasha bazizwa bentekenteke futhi besengozini.

“Lapho owesifazane ezibuza yena noma abathandekayo bakhe ukuthi bambheka njengomama omubi yini, ngokunganaki ufuna induduzo nokusekelwa. Yena, njengengane, udinga abanye ukuba bamdumise, baphendule ukwesaba kwakhe futhi bamsize athole ukuzethemba, ”kuchaza uchwepheshe.

Okufanele ngikwenze?

Uma ubhekene nokwesaba nokungabaza okunjalo, ungakugcini kuwe. Lapho uziqinisa ngokwengeziwe, kuba nzima nakakhulu ukubhekana nemithwalo yemfanelo yakho.

1. Kholwa ukuthi yonke into ayesabi kangako

Ukubukeka kokwesaba okunjalo ngokwakho kubonisa ukuthi ungumama onomthwalo wemfanelo. Okusho ukuthi wenza umsebenzi omuhle. Khumbula ukuthi, cishe, umama wakho wayengakwazi ukuchitha isikhathi esincane kuwe, wayenolwazi oluncane mayelana nokukhulisa izingane, kodwa wena wakhula futhi wakwazi ukuhlela ukuphila kwakho.

"Okokuqala, udinga ukukholelwa kuwe, amandla akho, uthembele intuition yakho. Ungabeki «izincwadi ezihlakaniphile» ekhanda lakho konke. Khulisa ingane ngokwamakhono akho, imibono nemibono mayelana nokuthi yini enhle nebi,” kusho isazi sezokuhlalisana kwabantu uGerard Neirand. Amaphutha kwezemfundo angalungiswa. Ingane izoze ihlomule ngayo.

2. Cela usizo

Akukho lutho olungalungile ngokuphendukela usizo lomzanyana, izihlobo, umyeni, ushiye ingane kubo futhi uzinike isikhathi sakho. Lokhu kukuvumela ukuthi ushintshe bese ubhekana kangcono nemisebenzi yakho. Ungazami ukwenza yonke into uwedwa. Lala, vakashela isaluni yobuhle, xoxa nomngane, vakashela ethiyetha — zonke lezi njabulo ezincane zenza zonke izinsuku zokuba ngumama zizole futhi zivumelane.

3. Khohlwa ngecala

“Ingane ayimdingi umama ophelele,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMarion Conyard. "Into ebaluleke kakhulu ukuphepha kwakhe, okungahlinzekwa umzali onokwethenjelwa, ozolile futhi othembekile." Ngakho-ke, asikho isidingo sokuhlakulela umuzwa wecala. Kunalokho, zincome ngendlela owenza kahle ngayo. Uma uzama ukwenqabela ukuba "mubi", kuba nzima kakhulu ukulawula imizwa yakho.