Ukukhulisa intsha akulula. Bephendula okushiwoyo, bahlahle amehlo, bashaye isicabha, noma badelele. Intatheli uBill Murphy ichaza ukuthi kubalulekile ukukhumbuza izingane ngalokho ezikulindele naphezu kokusabela kwazo ngonya.
Le ndaba izokhulula abazali emhlabeni wonke, kodwa indodakazi yami ngelinye ilanga izovuma "ukungibulala" ngenxa yayo.
Ngo-2015, uDokotela Wezomnotho u-Erica Rascon-Ramirez wethula imiphumela yocwaningo engqungqutheleni yeRoyal Economic Society. Ithimba lososayensi baseNyuvesi yase-Essex lathatha amantombazane aseBrithani angu-15 aneminyaka engu-13-14 ubudala lawabheka futhi lalandelela ukuphila kwawo iminyaka eyishumi.
Abacwaningi baphetha ngokuthi ukulindela okukhulu kwabazali emadodakazini abo asanda kweva eshumini nambili kungenye yezinto eziyinhloko empumelelweni yawo yesikhathi esizayo lapho esekhulile. Amantombazane omama babo ababehlale bewakhumbuza ngalokho ayekulindele kakhulu ayemancane amathuba okuthi awele ezingibeni zokuphila ezisongela impumelelo yawo yesikhathi esizayo.
Ikakhulukazi, lawa mantombazane:
- mancane amathuba okuthi ukhulelwe ngesikhathi sokuthomba
- maningi amathuba okuthi ngiye ekolishi
- mancane amathuba okuba babhajwe emisebenzini engathembisi, eholela kancane
- mancane amathuba okuthi bangasebenzi isikhathi eside
Yiqiniso, ukugwema izinkinga zakuqala nezingibe akusona isiqinisekiso sekusasa elingenandaba. Nokho, amantombazane anjalo anamathuba amaningi okuphumelela kamuva. Ngalokho, bazali abathandekayo, umsebenzi wenu usuphelile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, impumelelo yezingane incike kakhulu ezifisweni zabo nasekukhuthaleleni kwabo kunasezimfanelweni zakho.
Ekhipha amehlo? Ngakho kuyasebenza
Wow iziphetho - abanye abafundi bangase baphendule. Ingabe nawe uke wazama ukuthola iphutha endodakazini yakho eneminyaka engu-13 ubudala? Bobabili abafana namantombazane bahlahle amehlo, babhaklaze izicabha, bese bebuyela kubo.
Ngiqinisekile ukuthi akumnandi kakhulu. Indodakazi yami inonyaka kuphela ubudala, ngakho-ke angikalitholi ithuba lokuzitholela le njabulo. Kodwa abazali bangaduduzwa ngombono, osekelwa ososayensi, wokuthi nakuba kubonakala sengathi ukhuluma nodonga, iseluleko sakho siyasebenza ngempela.
Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sizama kangakanani ukugwema iseluleko sabazali, sisathonya izinqumo zethu.
“Ezimweni eziningi, siyakwazi ukwenza esikufunayo, ngisho noma kuphambene nentando yabazali,” kubhala umlobi ocwaningayo uDkt. Rascon-Ramirez. Kodwa kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sizama kanzima kangakanani ukugwema iseluleko sabazali, sisathonya izinqumo zethu.”
Ngamanye amazwi, uma indodakazi eyeve eshumini nambili ihlahle amehlo ithi, “Mama, ukhathele,” empeleni isho ukuthi, “Ngiyabonga ngeseluleko esiwusizo. Ngizozama ukuziphatha kahle."
Umthelela okhulayo wokuba umzali
Ukulindela okuphezulu okuhlukile kuyaqinisana. Uma uphoqelela indodakazi yakho imicabango emibili ngesikhathi esisodwa - kufanele iye ekolishi futhi akufanele ikhulelwe lapho isemusha - maningi amathuba okuthi ingabi umama lapho isineminyaka engu-20 kunentombazane eyasakazwa umyalezo owodwa kuphela: wena. akufanele ukhulelwe uze ukhule ngokwanele.
Intatheli uMeredith Bland yaphawula ngalokhu: “Yebo, ukuzethemba okunempilo nokuqaphela amakhono omuntu kuyamangalisa. Kodwa uma indodakazi izivikela ekukhulelweni isencane ngoba nje ingafuni ukulalela ukukhononda kwethu, lokho kulungile futhi. Izisusa azinandaba. Okumqoka wukuthi lokhu akwenzeki.”
Angazi ngawe, kodwa nami, ikhehla elineminyaka engamashumi amane, ngike ngizwe amazwi okuxwayisa abazali noma ogogo nomkhulu ekhanda lami uma ngiya lapho okungafanele ngihambe khona. Umkhulu wami washona cishe eminyakeni engamashumi amathathu edlule, kodwa uma ngizitika ngokweqile, ngimuzwa ekhononda.
Ukucabanga ukuthi lolu cwaningo luyiqiniso nakubafana—asikho isizathu sokukholelwa ngenye indlela—ukuphumelela kwami, okungenani ngokwengxenye, kufanele ngibonge abazali bami nalokho abakulindele. Ngakho-ke mama nobaba, siyabonga nge-nitpicking. Futhi indodakazi yami - ngikholelwe, kuzoba nzima kakhulu kimi kunawe.
Mayelana nombhali: UBill Murphy uyintatheli. Umbono wombhali ungase ungahambelani nombono wabahleli.