Ukunakekela ubudlelwano kusho ukubhekana nezinkinga ezibeka engcupheni ukuphepha kwabo nenhlalakahle yabo futhi ukulungele ukweseka umlingani wakho noma nini. Lokhu kulula kakhulu ukukwenza, kuze kube yilapho uthando lupholile. Umelaphi womndeni uSteven Stosny uchaza indlela yokuhlala uzinikele komunye nomunye ngemva kwalokhu.
Ukusondelana phakathi kwabalingani buyaqhakaza lapho uthando ludamba. Ngendlela efanayo, isigaba sokunakekela nokuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni singena esikhundleni sokusondelana okubuthakathaka. Ukuqashelwa komunye nomunye, isifiso sokwabelana (ulwazi, okuvelayo), ukwamukelana - konke okubonisa isigaba sokuqala sokuhlangana kwezithandani - akukwazi ukuhlala unomphela. Ngesinye isikhathi, le nkinga iyaxazululwa.
Uzwile izindaba zomunye nomunye, wezwa ubuhlungu, futhi wabelane ngenjabulo umlingani wakho aye waba nayo esikhathini esidlule. Ukuvuma ukwabelana ngobuhlungu nenjabulo esikhathini esizayo kakade kuyindaba yezibopho ezihlangene, ukuzinikela. Ukuzinikela kuthatha ukuthi kukhona ukuxhumana okucacile phakathi kozakwethu, okufana nomugqa wokuphila ongabonakali, ozoqinisekisa uma kwenzeka noma yini, kodwa ungaphazamisi ukuthuthukiswa okuzimele komuntu ngamunye. Uma kunesidingo, ungagcina lokhu kuxhumana kude, ubekezelele ukuhlukana okude. Nixhumene noma ningaboni ngaso linye noma nixabene.
Ukubumbana nokuzihlukanisa
Abantu ababazisa kakhulu ubumfihlo babo bangabona ukuxhumana okunjalo njengosongo. Wonke umuntu unemingcele yakhe yendawo yomuntu siqu. Zinqunywa isimo sengqondo, isipiliyoni sangaphambi kwesikhathi sokunamathiselwe, inani lamalungu omndeni, namakhono okuphatha imizwelo.
Umuntu ongenisa ulwazi kungenzeka adinge isikhala esengeziwe sobumfihlo. Ngenxa yokuthakasela okunamandla kwe-cerebral cortex, ama-introverts agwema ukukhuthazwa kwawo ngokweqile. Kudingeka babe bodwa okungenani isikhathi esifushane ukuze balulame, "ukushajwa kabusha amabhethri abo." Ama-Extroverts, ngokuphambene nalokho, afuna ezinye izisusa zangaphandle zokuvuselela ubuchopho. Ngakho-ke, kunzima ngabo ukuhlala isikhathi eside bengenabo ubuhlobo, ukuzehlukanisa kuyabacindezela, futhi ukuzijabulisa kuyabondla.
Isidingo sobumfihlo sincike ekutheni bangaki abantu abahlala endlini.
Lokhu kungqubuzana phakathi kuka-introvert obona impilo yangasese, eyimfihlo njengesibusiso, kanye no-extrovert ohumusha isizungu njengesiqalekiso, kwenza ubuhlobo babo bube nzima, futhi ukuzwelana nokuqondana kuphela okungaqeda ukungezwani.
Isidingo sobumfihlo sincike ekutheni bangaki abantu abahlala endlini. Ngakho-ke, lapho bexoxa ngezici zokuhlala ndawonye, imibhangqwana kudingeka icabangele inani lamalungu omkhaya wamanje, futhi ngaphezu kwalokho, nenani labantwana emakhaya abakhulele kuwo.
Ukulawulwa kwe-Proximity
Ukulungisa izinga lokusondelana ebuhlotsheni obuqhubekayo akulula. Ngemuva kokuthi isigaba sokuqala sothando sesiphelile, abalingani abavamile ukuvumelana ngokuthi kufanele babe seduze kangakanani noma kude kangakanani.
Ngamunye wethu, izinga elifiswayo lokusondelana:
- ziyahlukahluka kakhulu isonto nesonto, usuku nosuku, ngisho nangawo wonke umzuzu ngesikhathi,
- kungase kube umjikelezo
- kuncike ezingeni lokucindezeleka: kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi abanye bazizwe besondelene nomlingani esimweni esicindezelayo, kanti abanye, ngokuphambene nalokho, badinga ukuhamba isikhashana.
Ikhono lethu lokuphatha ibanga likhombisa ukuthi siphumelele kangakanani ekwakheni ubudlelwano.
Ukuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni kusho ukuthi abalingani baxoxisane ngokukhululekile ngezimfuno nezidingo zabo.
Ngeshwa, izitayela ezintathu ezilandelayo ezingezinhle zokulawula zivame kakhulu:
- Ukusebenzisa intukuthelo njengesilawuli: imishwana efana nokuthi "ngiyeke!" noma omunye wabalingani efuna isizathu sokuxabana futhi athole ithuba lokuhoxa ngokomzwelo isikhashana.
- Ukusola uzakwethu ukuze athethelele isidingo sebanga: “Uphusha ngaso sonke isikhathi!” noma "Uyisicefe kakhulu."
- Ukuhunyushwa komzamo wokulawula ibanga ebudlelwaneni njengokwenqatshwa nokwaliwa.
Ukuzibophezela ebudlelwaneni kudinga ukuthi abalingani: okokuqala, babone futhi bahloniphe izidingo zomunye nomunye ezihlukene kokubili ukusondelana kanye nemfihlo (akukho okuphambene nomthetho ekuceleni okukodwa noma okunye), futhi okwesibili, baxoxe ngokukhululekile abakudingayo kanye nezidingo zabo.
Abalingani kudingeka bafunde ukusho komunye nomunye: “Ngiyakuthanda, ngikudinga ngempela, ngizizwa ngikahle uma nginawe, kodwa okwamanje ngidinga ukuba ngedwa isikhashana. Ngethemba ukuthi lokhu ngeke kube yinkinga kuwe.» “Ngiyasihlonipha isidingo sakho sendawo yomuntu siqu, kodwa okwamanje ngidinga ngempela ukuzizwa ngixhumene nawe, ngidinga ukusondelana nokusekelwa kwakho. Ngethemba ukuthi lokhu ngeke kube yinkinga kuwe.»
Ukuqonda ukuhlangana, uzwela futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo ukubekezela, umlingani cishe ufuna ukwenza into engcono kakhulu kumuntu othandekayo. Yile ndlela ubuqotho obuboniswa ngayo ebudlelwaneni.
Mayelana nombhali: USteven Stosny uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo, umelaphi womndeni, usolwazi eNyuvesi yaseMaryland (USA), kanye nombhali wezincwadi ezimbalwa, okuhlanganisa nombhali osebenzisana naye (noPatricia Love) we-Honey, Sidinga Ukukhuluma Ngobudlelwano Bethu... Kanjani Ukwenza Ngaphandle Kwempi (Sofia, 2008).