Singazisiza kanjani izingane ukuba zinqobe ukwesaba kwazo?

Izindlela zokuziphatha okufanele zithathwe lapho kubhekene nokwesaba kwezingane ezincane.

“UMarion wethu uyintombazane eneminyaka emi-3 ejabule, ehlakaniphile, ephilayo futhi enethemba. Mina nobaba wakhe siyamnakekela kakhulu, siyamlalela, siyamkhuthaza, siyamtotosa, futhi asiqondi neze ukuthi kungani esaba kangaka ubumnyama namasela asabekayo azofika amthumbe phakathi nendawo. Idolobha. ebusuku! Kodwa uyaphi ukuze afune imibono enjalo? NjengokaMarion, abazali abaningi bangathanda ukuba ukuphila komntwana wabo kugcwale ubumnandi futhi kungabi nakwesaba. Ukolweni zonke izingane zomhlaba zibhekana nokwesaba ngezikhathi ezihlukene ekuphileni kwazo, ngamazinga ahlukahlukene kanye nangokwesimo sabo sokuziphatha. Nakuba ingenakho ukunyathelisa okuhle nabazali, ukwesaba kuwumuzwa wendawo yonke - njengenjabulo, ukudabuka, intukuthelo - okudingekayo ekwakhiweni kwengane. Uyamxwayisa ngezingozi, amvumele ukuthi abone ukuthi kufanele abheke ubuqotho bomzimba wakhe. Njengoba isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uBéatrice Copper-Royer siphawula: “Ingane engesabi neze, engakwesabi ukuwa uma igibela phezulu kakhulu noma iphuma iyodwa ebumnyameni, ngokwesibonelo, akulona uphawu oluhle, ngisho nokukhathazeka. Lokhu kusho ukuthi akazi ukuzivikela, akazihloli kahle, ukuthi unamandla onke futhi usengozini yokuzifaka engozini. “Izimpawu zangempela zokukhula, ukwesaba kuyashintsha futhi kuyashintsha njengoba ingane ikhula, ngokuya kwesikhathi esinembayo.

Ukwesaba ukufa, ubumnyama, ubusuku, ithunzi… Isiphi i-phobia lapho uneminyaka emingaki?

Cishe ezinyangeni ezingu-8-10, ingane edlula kalula ingalo iye engalweni kungazelelwe iqala ukukhala lapho ishiya umama wayo ukuze athwalwe ngumuntu angamazi. Lokhu kwesaba kokuqala kubonisa ukuthi wazibona “ehlukanisiwe”, ukuthi uhlonze ubuso obujwayelekile balabo ababemzungezile kanye nobuso obungajwayelekile obukude nendilinga yangaphakathi. Kuyintuthuko enkulu ekuhlakanipheni kwakhe. Ube esedinga ukuqinisekiswa ngamazwi aqinisekisayo ezihlobo zakhe ukuze akwamukele ukuthintana nalo muntu wangaphandle. Cishe unyaka owodwa, imisindo yesicoci se-vacuum, ucingo, amarobhothi asendlini aqala ukumkhathaza. Kusukela ezinyangeni ezingu-18-24 kubonakala ukwesaba ubumnyama nobusuku. Kunalokho, ngesihluku, umntwana, owalala ngaphandle kwenkinga, wenqaba ukulala yedwa. Uyaqaphela ngokuhlukana, uhlobanisa ukulala nesikhathi sokuba yedwa. Eqinisweni, umqondo wokuhlukaniswa nabazali bakhe omenza akhale kunokwesaba ubumnyama.

Ukwesaba impisi, ukulahlwa… Uneminyaka emingaki?

Esinye isizathu esimenza esabe ubumnyama ukuthi usethungatha ngokugcwele i-motor autonomy nokuthi ulahlekelwa ama-bearings ebusuku. Ukwesaba ukushiywa ingase futhi ibonakale kule minyaka uma ingane ingatholanga ukuphepha okwanele kwangaphakathi ezinyangeni zokuqala zokuphila kwayo. Kucashile kuwo wonke umuntu, lokhu kukhathazeka kokushiywa kwakudala kungaphinde kusebenze kukho konke ukuphila kuye ngezimo (ukwehlukana, isehlukaniso, ukushonelwa, njll.). Cishe izinyanga ezingama-30-36, ingane ingena enkathini lapho umcabango unamandla onke, ithanda izindaba ezesabekayo futhi yesaba impisi, izilo ezinonya ezinamazinyo amakhulu. Ngokuhwalala kobusuku, uzophutha kalula ikhethini elinyakazayo, izimo ezimnyama, ithunzi lokukhanya kwasebusuku njengezilo. Phakathi kweminyaka engu-3 nengu-5, izidalwa ezesabekayo manje zingamasela, abaphangi, abantu abangabazi, ama-tramp, ama-ogres nabathakathi. Lokhu kwesaba okuhlobene nesikhathi se-Oedipal kuwukubonakaliswa kokuncintisana ingane ebhekana nakho kumzali wobulili obufanayo naye. Ebhekene nokuntula kwakhe ukuvuthwa, ubuncane bakhe obuqhathaniswa nembangi yakhe, ukhathazekile futhi ubeka ngaphandle ukukhathazeka kwakhe ngokusebenzisa abalingiswa abacatshangelwayo, izindaba zabathakathi, izipoki, izilo. Kule minyaka, kuphinde kube yisikhathi lapho ukwesaba kwezilwane (izicabucabu, izinja, amajuba, amahhashi, njll.) kuvuka kanye nokuqala kokukhathazeka komphakathi okuzibonakalisa ngamahloni amaningi, ubunzima bokwakha ubuhlobo kanye nokwesaba ukubuka. zabanye abafundi enkulisa…

Ukwesaba ezinganeni nasezinganeni: kudinga ukulalelwa nokuqinisekiswa

I-funk encane, isinqe esikhulu, i-phobia yangempela, ngayinye yale mizwelo kufanele inakwe futhi ihambisane. Ngoba uma ukwesaba kuphawula izigaba zokukhula, kungavimbela izingane ukuba ziqhubekele phambili uma zingakwazi ukuzilawula ukuze zikunqobe. Futhi yilapho ungena khona ngokusiza umncane wakho oyigwala ukuba anqobe. Okokuqala, yamukele imizwa yakhe ngomusa, kubalulekile ukuthi ingane yakho izizwe inelungelo lokwesaba. Mlalele, umkhuthaze ukuba aveze konke akuzwayo, ngaphandle kokuzama ukumqinisekisa ngazo zonke izindlela, qaphela futhi usho isimo sakhe somzwelo. Msize abeke amagama kulokho abhekana nakho ngaphakathi (“Ngiyabona ukuthi uyesaba, kwenzakalani?”), Yilokhu umhlaziyi wengqondo odumile uFrançoise Dolto akubiza ngokuthi “ukubeka amagama akhe angaphansi enganeni ”.

Khipha izinkathazo zakho ngaphandle

Into yesibili ebalulekile, mtshele ukuthi ukhona ukuze umvikele. Noma ngabe kwenzekani, lona umlayezo obalulekile nobalulekile ingane encane edinga ukuzwa ukuze iqinisekiswe noma nini lapho izwakalisa ukukhathazeka. Uma ekhathazeke ngokukhethekile lapho ezumeka, misa amasiko, imikhuba encane yokulala, ukukhanya ebusuku, i-ajar yomnyango (ukuze ezwe umsindo wendlu ngemuva), ukukhanya ephasishi, indaba, ingubo yakhe. (yonke into eqinisekisayo futhi emele umama ongekho), ukwanga, ukuqabula kanye nokuthi "Lala kahle, sizokubona kusasa ekuseni ngolunye usuku oluhle", ngaphambi kokuphuma ekamelweni lakhe. Ukuze umsize anqobe ukukhathazeka kwakhe, ungacela ukuyidweba. Ukuyimelela ngamapensela anemibala ephepheni, noma nge-plasticine, kuyomvumela ukuba ayikhiphe futhi azizwe elondeke kakhudlwana.

Enye indlela efakazelwe: buyisela eqinisweni, ekuphulweni okunengqondo. Ukwesaba kwakhe kuyiqiniso, uzizwa kahle futhi ngempela, akukhona okucatshangwayo, ngakho-ke kufanele aqinisekiswe, kodwa ngaphandle kokungena emcabangweni wakhe: "Ngizwa ukuthi wesaba ukuthi kukhona isela elingena ekamelweni lakho ebusuku, kodwa ngiyazi ngeke kube khona. Akunakwenzeka ! I-Ditto yabathakathi noma izipoki, ayikho! Ngaphezu kwakho konke, ungabheki ngaphansi kombhede noma ngemuva kwekhethini, ungafaki iklabhu ngaphansi komcamelo "ukuze ulwe nezilo ebuthongweni bakho". Ngokunikeza umlingiswa weqiniso ekwesabeni kwakhe, ngokwethula okungokoqobo, uyakuqinisekisa ngombono wokuthi izilo ezesabekayo zikhona njengoba uzifuna ngempela!

Akukho okudlula izinganekwane ezimnandi zakudala ezesabekayo

Ukusiza izingane ezisacathula zibhekane ngokuphumelelayo, akukho lutho oludlula izindaba zakudala ezinhle ezifana nezakudala ze-Bluebeard, Isithupha Esincane, Okumhlophe Kweqhwa, Ubuhle Bobuthongo, I-Little Red Riding Hood, Izingulube Ezintathu, Ibhuthi Yekati... Uma zihambisana nomuntu omdala ozitshelayo, lezi zinganekwane zivumela izingane ukuba zithole ukwesaba kanye nokusabela kwalo kukho. Ukuzwa izigcawu zabo ezizithandayo ngokuphindaphindiwe kubenza bakwazi ukulawula isimo esibuhlungu ngokuhlotshaniswa neqhawe elincane, elinqoba abathakathi abasabekayo nama-ogres, njengoba kufanele. Akubenzeli inkonzo yokufuna ukubavikela kulo lonke usizi, ukubatshela indaba ethi naleyo, bangabavumeli babukele opopayi abangaka nokuthi ngoba izigcawu ezithile ziyethusa. Kunalokho, izinganekwane ezithusayo zisiza ukulawula imizwelo, ziyibeke emazwini, ziyihlukanise futhi ziyayithanda. Uma ingane yakho ikubuza izikhathi ezingamakhulu amathathu Bluebeard, kungenxa yokuthi le ndaba isekela “lapho kwethuka khona”, ifana nomgomo. Ngokunjalo nezingane ziyakuthanda ukudlala impisi, ukucasha nokufuna, ukuthusana ngoba kuyindlela yokuzijwayeza nokuxosha noma yini ebakhathazayo. Izindaba zezilo ezinobungane noma izimpisi ezidla imifino ezingabangane beZingulube Ezincane zithakazelisa abazali kuphela.

Futhi lwisana nokukhathazeka kwakho

Uma ingane yakho encane ingesabi izidalwa ezicatshangelwayo kodwa izilwane ezincane, khona-ke futhi, dlala ikhadi langempela. Chaza ukuthi izinambuzane azimbi, inyosi ingaluma kuphela uma izwa ukuthi isengozini, omiyane bangaxoshwa ngokuzivikela ngokugcoba, ukuthi izintuthwane, izikelemu, izimpukane, izimbungulu, izintethe nezimvemvane nezinye izinambuzane eziningi azinabungozi. Uma esaba amanzi, ungamtshela ukuthi nawe ubuwesaba amanzi, wakuthola kunzima ukufunda ukubhukuda, kodwa waphumelela. Ukulandisa okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho kungasiza ingane yakho ukuba ibone futhi ikholelwe emakhonweni akhe.

Bungaza ukunqoba kwakhe

Ungamkhumbuza nokuthi usekwazile kanjani ukunqoba isimo esithile ebesimethusa. Inkumbulo yobuqhawe bakhe besikhathi esidlule izokhulisa ugqozi lwakhe lokubhekana nokuhlasela kokwesaba okusha. Zibekele isibonelo ngokubhekana nezinkathazo zakho zomuntu siqu. Ingane eyesaba kakhulu ivame ukuba nabazali abakhathazeke ngokweqile, umama ohlushwa yi-phobia yezinja ngokuvamile uzoyidlulisela ezinganeni zakhe. Ungamqinisekisa kanjani uma embona ehla enyuka ngoba kufike iLabrador izobingelela noma ikhale ngoba isicabucabu esikhulu sikhuphuka odongeni? Ukwesaba kuhamba ngamazwi, kodwa ikakhulukazi ngezimo zengqondo, ukubonakala kobuso, ukubuka, ukunyakaza kokuhlehla. Izingane zirekhoda yonke into, ziyizipontshi ezingokomzwelo. Ngakho-ke, ukukhathazeka ngokwehlukana umntwana osacathula abhekana nakho ngokuvamile kuvela ebunzimeni unina anabo bokumvumela ukuba asuke kuye. Uyalubona usizi lukamama futhi usabela esifisweni sakhe esijulile ngokunamathela kuye, akhale ngokushesha lapho ehamba. Ngokufanayo, umzali othumela imiyalezo ehlaba umkhosi izikhathi eziningana ngosuku: “Qaphela, uzowa futhi uzilimaze! Uzoba nengane enamahloni kalula. Umama okhathazeke kakhulu ngenhlanzeko namagciwane uyoba nezingane ezesaba ukungcola noma ukuba nezandla ezingcolile.

Hlala u-zen

Ukwesaba kwakho kuzihlaba umxhwele kakhulu izingane zakho, funda ukuzibona, ukulwa nazo, ukuzibusa nokuhlala uzinzile kaningi ngangokunokwenzeka.

Ngaphandle kokuzithiba kwakho, ungakwazi futhi ukusiza ingane yakho ukuthi inqobe ukwesaba kwayo ngokusebenzisa ukungezwani komzimba. Inkinga nge-phobia ukuthi uma ubalekela lokho okwesabayo, kuyakhula. Ngakho-ke kumelwe usize ingane yakho ukuba ibhekane nokwesaba kwayo, ingazihlukanisi, futhi igweme izimo ezibangela ukukhathazeka. Uma engafuni ukuya emicimbini yokuzalwa, qhubekani ngezigaba. Okokuqala, hlala naye kancane, mvumele abukele, bese nibonisana ngokuthi ahlale yedwa isikhashana nabangane bakhe ngokumthembisa ukuthi uzofika azombheka lapho efona kancane, lapho efona kancane. Esigcawini, methule kwezinye izingane futhi uziqalisele imidlalo ehlanganyelwe, umsize ukuthi enze othintana nabo. “Indodana/indodakazi yami ingathanda ukudlala nawe isihlabathi noma ibhola, uyavuma? Ube usuhamba umdedele adlale ubukela kude ukuthi uqhuba kanjani kodwa angangeneleli ngoba kukuye ukuthi uma usuwuqalile umhlangano kumele afunde ukwenza indawo yakhe.

Ukukhathazeka nini

Ukuqina kanye nobude besikhathi okwenza umehluko phakathi kokwesaba okudlulayo okukwenza ukhule lapho ukunqobile kanye nokukhathazeka kwangempela. Akufani lapho ingane eneminyaka emi-3 ikhala ibiza umama wayo ngezinsuku zokuqala zonyaka wesikole nalapho iqhubeka nokucindezeleka ngoJanuwari! Ngemva kweminyaka engu-3, ​​lapho ukwesaba kuqhubeka lapho ulala, singacabanga ngesizinda sokukhathazeka. Lapho ziqala futhi zihlala isikhathi esingaphezu kwezinyanga eziyisithupha, kufanele sibheke isici sokucindezeleka empilweni yengane esingathethelela lobu bukhulu. Awuzithukuthelisi ngokukhethekile, noma ukhathazekile? Ingabe wezwa ukuthutha noma ukushintsha umzanyana? Ingabe uphazanyiswa ukuzalwa komfowabo omncane noma udadewabo omncane? Ingabe kunenkinga esikoleni? Ingabe isimo somndeni sinzima - ukuntuleka kwemisebenzi, ukuhlukana, ukulila? Iphupho elibi eliphindaphindayo, noma ngisho nokwesaba ebusuku, kubonisa ukuthi ukwesaba akukakazwakali ngokugcwele. Ngokuvamile, lokhu kwesaba kubonisa isimo sokungalondeki ngokomzwelo. Uma, naphezu kwemizamo yakho emihle kakhulu nokuqonda, awukwazi ukulawula ukukhathazeka, uma ukwesaba kukhula futhi kuvimbela ingane yakho ukuba ijabule ngayo futhi ibe nabangane, kungcono uthintane futhi ucele usizo ku-psychotherapist.

* Umbhali wencwadi ethi “Ukwesaba Impisi, Ukwesaba Konke. Ukwesaba, izinkathazo, ama-phobias ezinganeni nasebancane ”, ed. Incwadi yesikhwama.