Okuqukethwe
Ukuzwakala ngaphandle kokumemeza kuyiphupho labazali abaningi bezingane ezigangile. Ukubekezela kuyaphela, ukukhathala kuholela ekuwohlokeni, futhi ngenxa yalokho, ukuziphatha kwengane kuwohloka nakakhulu. Indlela yokubuyisela injabulo ekukhulumisaneni? Umelaphi womndeni uJeffrey Bernstein ubhala ngalokhu.
“Ukuphela kwendlela yokudlulela enganeni yami iwukuba ngimthethise,” kusho abazali abaningi ngokuphelelwa yithemba. Umelaphi womndeni uJeffrey Bernstein uyaqiniseka ukuthi lesi sitatimende sikude neqiniso. Ubalula udaba alwenzayo aphinde akhulume ngoMaria owafika ezocela ukwelulekwa njengomqeqeshi wabazali.
Lapho ekhala lapho sishaya ucingo okokuqala, wakhuluma ngemiphumela yokuklabalasa kwakhe ezinganeni ngalolo suku ekuseni.” UMaria wachaza isenzakalo lapho indodana yakhe eneminyaka eyishumi ubudala ilele phansi, futhi indodakazi yakhe ihlezi esihlalweni esiphambi kwayo ithukile. Ukuthula okuvala izindlebe kwenza unina wabuyela ezingqondweni, futhi waqaphela indlela ayeziphathe kabi ngayo. Kuthuleke ngokushesha indodana yakhe iphose incwadi odongeni iphume ibaleke.
Njengabazali abaningi, “ifulegi elibomvu” likaMariya laliwukungazimisele okuphikelelayo kwendodana yakhe ukwenza umsebenzi wasekhaya. Wahlukunyezwa umcabango othi: “Akazithathi lutho futhi ulenga yonke into kimi!” UMaria waqhubeka wathi indodana yakhe uMark, efunda ibanga lesithathu ene-Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), ivame ukuhluleka ukwenza umsebenzi wayo wesikole. Futhi kwenzeka ukuthi ngemva kwedrama ebuhlungu eyayihambisana nomsebenzi wabo ohlangene "kwi-homework", wamane wakhohlwa ukuyidlulisela kuthisha.
“Ngiyakuzonda ukuphatha uMark. Ngavele ngakhala ngamemeza ukuthi ekugcineni ngimphoqe ukuthi ashintshe indlela aziphatha ngayo, ”kuvuma uMaria esifundweni nodokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo. Njengabazali abaningi ababekhathele, wayenenketho eyodwa kuphela eyayisele yokuxhumana - ukuklabalasa. Kodwa, ngenhlanhla, ekugcineni, wathola ezinye izindlela zokuxhumana nengane egangile.
"Ingane kumele ingihloniphe!"
Ngezinye izikhathi abazali basabela ngokweqile ngokuziphatha kwengane lapho becabanga ukuthi ingane ayiyihloniphi. Nokho, ngokukaJeffrey Bernstein, omama nobaba bezingane ezihlubukayo ngokuvamile bamagange kakhulu ukuthola ubufakazi benhlonipho enjalo.
Izimfuno zabo, zona, zibhebhezela ukumelana nengane. Imibono eqinile yabazali, umelaphi uyagcizelela, iholela ekulindelweni okungenangqondo nokusabela ngokweqile ngokomzwelo. “Indida iwukuthi lapho ungamemezeli kakhulu inhlonipho enganeni yakho, kulapho iyogcina ikuhloniphe khona,” kubhala uBernstein.
Ukushintshela ekucabangeni okuzolile, ukuzethemba, nokungalawuli
“Uma ungasafuni ukuthethisa ingane yakho, kudingeka ushintshe ngokungathi sína indlela oveza ngayo imizwa nemizwelo yakho,” uBernstein weluleka amakhasimende akhe. Ingane yakho ingase iqale ihlahle amehlo noma ihleke njengoba wethula ezinye izindlela zokuklabalasa ezichazwe ngezansi. Kodwa qiniseka ukuthi ukuntuleka kokuphazamiseka kuzoholela ekugcineni. ”
Ngokuphazima kweso, abantu abashintshi, kodwa lapho ungamemeza kancane, ingane izoziphatha kangcono. Kusukela ekusebenzeni kwakhe, i-psychotherapist yaphetha ngokuthi izinguquko ekuziphatheni kwezingane zingabonakala zingakapheli izinsuku ezingu-10. Into esemqoka ukuthi ungakhohlwa ukuthi wena nengane yakho ningabambisene, hhayi abaphikisi.
Uma omama nobaba beqonda ngokwengeziwe ukuthi basebenza eqenjini elifanayo, ngesikhathi esifanayo nezingane, hhayi ngokumelene nabo, izinguquko zizosebenza ngempumelelo. UBernstein uncoma ukuthi abazali bazicabange njengabaqeqeshi, "abaqeqeshi" bezingane. Indima enjalo ayibeki engozini indima yomzali - ngokuphambene nalokho, igunya lizoqiniswa kuphela.
Imodi Yokuqeqesha isiza abantu abadala ukuthi bakhulule ukuzazisa kwabo ekubeni umzali othukuthele, okhungathekile, noma ongenamandla. Ukwamukela isimo sengqondo sokuqeqesha kusiza ukuba uhlale uzolile ukuze uqondise ngokunengqondo futhi ukhuthaze ingane. Futhi ukuzola kubaluleke kakhulu kulabo abakhulisa izingane ezigangile.
Izindlela ezine zokuyeka ukuthethisa izingane zakho
- Imfundo ephumelela kakhulu isibonelo sakho. Ngakho-ke, indlela engcono kakhulu yokufundisa indodana noma indodakazi isiyalo iwukubonisa ukuzithiba, amakhono okulawula imizwelo nokuziphatha kwayo. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuqonda ukuthi bobabili ingane kanye nabantu abadala ngokwabo bazizwa kanjani. Lapho abazali bebonisa ukuqaphela imizwa yabo siqu, kulapho ingane izokwenza okufanayo.
- Asikho isidingo sokumosha amandla uzama ukunqoba umbango wamandla oyize. Imizwa engemihle yengane ingabonwa njengamathuba okusondelana nokufunda. “Abasongeli amandla akho. Umgomo wenu uwukuba nezingxoxo ezakhayo ukuze nixazulule izinkinga,” kusho uBernstein kubazali bakhe.
- Ukuze uqonde ingane yakho, udinga ukukhumbula ukuthi kusho ukuthini ngokujwayelekile - ukuba ngumfundi wesikole, umfundi. Indlela engcono kakhulu yokuthola ukuthi kwenzakalani ngezingane ukuzifundisa kancane futhi ulalele kakhulu.
- Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ngozwela, uzwela. Yilezi zimfanelo zabazali ezisiza izingane zithole amagama azochaza futhi zichaze imizwa yazo. Ungabasekela kulokhu ngosizo lwempendulo — ngokuqonda ukubuyisela enganeni amazwi akhe siqu mayelana nolwazi lwazo. Ngokwesibonelo, ucasukile futhi umama uthi, “Ngiyabona ukuthi ucasuke kakhulu,” ukusiza ekuboneni nasekukhulumeni ngemizwa yakho enamandla, kunokuba uyibonise ngokuziphatha okubi. Abazali kufanele bagweme ukuphawula okunjengokuthi, "Akufanele uzizwe udumazekile," kukhumbuza uBernstein.
Ukuba ngumama noma ubaba enganeni egangile ngezinye izikhathi kuwumsebenzi onzima. Kodwa kokubili izingane kanye nabazali, ukukhulumisana kungaba intokozo kakhudlwana futhi kancane amadlingozi uma abadala bethola amandla ukushintsha amaqhinga emfundo, ukulalela iseluleko uchwepheshe.
Mayelana Nombhali: UJeffrey Bernstein uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo somndeni kanye “nomqeqeshi wabazali.”