Okuqukethwe
Kungani abanye bethu behlala ngaphandle komlingani? I-psychoanalyst ihlaziya izimbangela ezisebenza eminyakeni ehlukene futhi iqhathanise izimo zengqondo zamadoda nabesifazane mayelana nesimo somuntu oyedwa.
1. Iminyaka engu-20 kuya kwengama-30: ayinandaba
Kule minyaka, amantombazane nabafana babhekana nesizungu ngendlela efanayo. Bahlobanisa impilo yokuzimela ne-adventure nokuzijabulisa, ezungezwe "i-halo ekhazimulayo", ngamazwi ka-Ilya oneminyaka engu-22 ubudala. Uyavuma: "Ngezimpelasonto ngivame ukuhlangana nentombazane entsha, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ezimbili." Lesi yisikhathi sokuzidela kwezothando, impilo yocansi ecebile, ukuyenga, kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho okuhlukahlukene. Ubusha buyanda, umthwalo wemfanelo uhlehliswa unomphela.
UPatrick Lemoine, isazi se-psychoanalyst:
“Inkathi yokuthomba ibilokhu iyinkathi yokufundisa ngezocansi… kwabesilisa abasebasha. Kodwa kule minyaka engu-20-25 edlule, amantombazane aphumelele esikoleni kodwa angakangeni empilweni yobungcweti nawo afinyelele ocansini. Abantu abasha basajabulela inkululeko, kodwa leli lungelo elake laba ngamadoda kuphela seliyatholakala kubo bobabili ubulili. Lesi yisikhathi esijabulisayo "sesizungu esiyinhloko", lapho ukuphila ndawonye nomlingani kungakaqali, nakuba wonke umuntu usevele enezinhlelo zokuqala umndeni futhi abe nezingane. Ikakhulukazi phakathi kwabesifazane abasadinga inkosana enhle njengento enhle, naphezu kobudlelwane obukhululekile nezinsizwa.
2. Ngokushesha ngemva kuka-30: rush
Lapho ngineminyaka engu-32, yonke into iyashintsha. Abesilisa nabesifazane babhekana nesizungu ngendlela ehlukile. Kwabesifazane, isidingo sokuqala umndeni nokuba nezingane siyaphuthuma. Lokhu kufakazelwa uKira oneminyaka engu-40: “Ngakujabulela ukuphila, ngajwayelana namadoda amaningi, ngaba nobuhlobo bothando olwaphela kabi, futhi ngasebenza kanzima. Kodwa manje ngifuna ukudlulela kokunye. Angifuni ukuchitha ubusuku ekhompyutheni efulethini elingenalutho ngineminyaka engu-XNUMX. Ngifuna umndeni, izingane. ”…
Izinsizwa nazo zinalesi sidingo, kodwa zikulungele ukuhlehlisa ukugcwaliseka kwaso ngekusasa futhi zisabona isizungu sazo ngenjabulo. "Angimelene nezingane, kodwa kusesekuseni kakhulu ukuthi ungacabanga ngakho," kusho u-Boris oneminyaka engu-28.
UPatrick Lemoine, isazi se-psychoanalyst:
“Manje siyakhula iminyaka yabazali abathola ingane yabo yokuqala. Kumayelana nezifundo ezinde, inhlalakahle eyandisiwe kanye nokwenyuka kwesilinganiso seminyaka yokuphila. Kodwa izinguquko zezinto eziphilayo azizange zenzeke, futhi umkhawulo ophezulu weminyaka yokubeletha kwabesifazane wahlala ufana. Ngakho-ke kwabesifazane ku-35, ukugijima kwangempela kuqala. Iziguli eziza zizongibona zikhathazeke kakhulu ngokuthi "azikanamathiseli" okwamanje. Ngokwalokhu kubuka, ukungalingani phakathi kwabesilisa nabesifazane kusaqhubeka.”
3. Iminyaka engama-35 kuye kwengama-45 ubudala: ukumelana
Le ngxenye yobudala ibonakala ngokuthi "isibili" isizungu. Abantu babehlala nomuntu ndawonye, bashada, badivosa, bathutha… Umehluko phakathi kobulili usabonakala: baningi abesifazane abakhulisa izingane bodwa kunobaba abangabodwa. “Angikaze ngikufise ukuhlala ngedwa, ingasaphathwa eyokukhulisa ingane ngedwa,” kusho uVera, umama ohlukanisile oneminyaka engu-39 onendodakazi eneminyaka emithathu ubudala. “Ukube bekungenzima kangako, bengizokwakha umndeni omusha kusukela kusasa ekuseni!” Ukushoda kobudlelwane kuvame ukubakhona kwabesifazane. Ngokwenhlolovo eyenziwe yiwebhusayithi yeParship, ngemuva kwesehlukaniso, amadoda athola umlingani ngokwesilinganiso ngemuva konyaka, abesifazane - ngemuva kweminyaka emithathu.
Nokho isimo siyashintsha. Kukhona abaningi «hhayi ngokugcwele-isikhathi esigcwele» bachelors kanye imibhangqwana abangahlali ndawonye, kodwa ukuhlangabezana njalo. Isazi sezokuhlalisana kwabantu uJean-Claude Kaufman, kwethi The Single Woman and Prince Charming, sibona “ukuqhuqha okujabulisayo” okunjalo njengophawu olubalulekile lwekusasa lethu: “Laba ‘abangebona abanesizungu’ bangabashisekeli abangakwazi lokho.”
UPatrick Lemoine, isazi se-psychoanalyst:
“Indlela yokuphila yobusoka ivame ukutholakala inamachashaza phakathi kwabaneminyaka engu-40-50 ubudala. Ukuhlala ndawonye akusabhekwa njengento evamile yomphakathi, njengemfuneko evela ngaphandle, inqobo nje uma udaba lwezingane luxazululiwe. Yiqiniso, lokhu akukabi iqiniso kuwo wonke umuntu, kodwa lo modeli uyasabalala. Ngomoya ophansi sivuma ukuthi kungenzeka kube nezindaba zothando ezimbalwa ngokulandelana. Ingabe lona umphumela we-narcissism eqhubekayo? Nakanjani. Kodwa umphakathi wethu wonke wakhelwe phezu kwe-narcissism, eduze kombono wokufezeka kwe-"I" enamandla amakhulu, engavinjelwe. Futhi ukuphila komuntu siqu akuhlukile.
4. Ngemva kweminyaka engu-50: ukufuna
Kulabo asebefinyelele eminyakeni yesithathu neyesine, isizungu siyiqiniso elidabukisayo, ikakhulukazi kwabesifazane ngemva kweminyaka engamashumi amahlanu. Bayanda abasele bodwa, bese kuba nzima ukuthi bathole umaqondana. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, amadoda aneminyaka efanayo kungenzeka ukuthi aqale impilo entsha nomlingani oneminyaka engu-10-15 omncane kunabo. Kumasayithi okuphola, abasebenzisi bale minyaka (abesilisa nabesifazane) babeka ukuzazi kuqala. U-Anna oneminyaka engu-62 uthi: “Anginaso isikhathi esiningi engingasichitha kumuntu ongangifanele!”
UPatrick Lemoine, isazi se-psychoanalyst:
“Ukufuna umlingani ofanelekile kuvamile kunoma isiphi iminyaka, kodwa esikhathini sokugcina sempilo kungase kushube nakakhulu: ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwamaphutha kuza nokuqina. Ngakho-ke abantu baze bangene engozini yokwelula isizungu esingafuneki ngokukhetha ngokweqile… Okungimangazayo iphethini engemuva kwakho konke: manje sesibhekene ne-archetype “yesithembu esingaguquki”.
Izimpilo eziningana, abalingani abaningana, njalonjalo kuze kube sekupheleni. Ukuhlala njalo ebudlelwaneni bothando kubonakala njengesimo esibalulekile sekhwalithi ephezulu yokuphila. Kuyaqala ngqa emlandweni wesintu ukuba kwenzeke lokhu. Kuze kube manje, ukuguga kuye kwahlala ngaphandle kwendima yothando neyobulili.