Okuqukethwe
Lapho izingane esezikhulile ziphuma ekhaya, ukuphila kwabazali kushintsha kakhulu: ukuphila kwakhiwa kabusha, izinto ezivamile ziba yize. Abaningi bakhungethwe ukulangazelela kanye nomuzwa wokulahlekelwa, ukwesaba kuyanda, imicabango ecindezelayo iyahlupha. Kunzima ikakhulukazi kubazali abangabodwa. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Zahn Willines sichaza ukuthi kungani lesi simo senzeka nokuthi singasinqoba kanjani.
Abazali abanomthwalo wemfanelo abahileleke ngenkuthalo empilweni yengane, akulula ukuvuma ukuthula endlini engenalutho. Obaba nomama abangabodwa baba nobunzima nakakhulu. Kodwa-ke, i-nest syndrome engenalutho ayiyona into embi ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ucwaningo luqinisekisa ukuthi ngemva kokwehlukana nezingane, abazali ngokuvamile bathola ukukhuthazwa ngokomoya, umuzwa omusha nenkululeko engakaze ibonwe.
Iyini i-Empty Nest Syndrome?
Lapho kuzalwa izingane, abantu abaningi bakhula ngokoqobo kanye nendima yomzali futhi bayeke ukuhlukanisa ne-"I" yabo. Iminyaka engu-18, futhi ngezinye izikhathi ngaphezu kwalokho, bamatasa ngemisebenzi yabazali kusukela ekuseni kuze kube kusihlwa. Akumangalisi ukuthi ngokuhamba kwezingane, zinqotshwa umuzwa wokungabi nalutho, umzwangedwa nokudideka.
Isikhathi sinzima ngempela, futhi kungokwemvelo ukukhumbula izingane. Kodwa futhi kwenzeka ukuthi lesi sifo sivusa imizwa yecala, ukungabaluleki kwakho nokulahlwa, okungase kuthuthuke ekucindezelekeni. Uma kungekho muntu ongabelana naye ngemizwa, ukucindezeleka ngokomzwelo kuba okungabekezeleleki.
I-classic nest syndrome engenalutho kucatshangwa ukuthi ithinta abazali abangasebenzi, ngokuvamile omama. Uma kufanele uhlale ekhaya nengane, umbuthano wezithakazelo uyancipha kakhulu. Kodwa lapho umntwana eyeka ukudinga ukugadwa, inkululeko yomuntu siqu iqala ukuba nesisindo.
Nokho, ngokocwaningo olwenziwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uKaren Fingerman, lesi simo siya ngokuya sishabalala. Omama abaningi bayasebenza. Ukuxhumana nezingane ezifunda kwelinye idolobha kuba lula kakhulu futhi kufinyeleleke kalula. Ngakho-ke, abazali abambalwa, ikakhulukazi omama, ababa nalesi sifo. Uma ingane ikhula ngaphandle kukayise, umama usuke elangazelele ukuthola imali.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, abazali abangabodwa bathola ezinye izindawo zokuzibona, ngakho-ke amathuba okuba nest syndrome ayancipha. Kodwa noma kunjalo, uma kungekho othandekayo eduze, ukuthula endlini engenalutho kungase kubonakale kungenakubekezelelwa.
Izinto Eziyingozi Kubazali Abangabodwa
Kuze kube manje, abukho ubufakazi bokuthi "ababodwa" bahlushwa yilesi sifo kaningi kunemibhangqwana eshadile. Noma kunjalo, kuyaziwa ukuthi lesi akusona isifo, kodwa isethi ethile yezimpawu zesici. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ziye zathola izimbangela eziyinhloko zalesi simo.
Uma abashadile behlala ndawonye, omunye wabo angakwazi ukuphumula amahora ambalwa noma alale isikhathi eside kuyilapho omunye enakekela ingane. Abazali abangabodwa bathembele kubo kuphela. Lokhu kusho ukuphumula okuncane, ukulala kancane, isikhathi esincane seminye imisebenzi. Abanye babo bayeka imisebenzi, izinto abazithandayo, ubudlelwano bothando kanye nabantu abasha abajwayelene nabo ukuze banake kakhulu izingane.
Lapho izingane zihamba, abazali abangabodwa baba nesikhathi esengeziwe. Kungase kubonakale sengathi ekugcineni ungenza noma yini oyifunayo, kodwa awekho amandla noma isifiso. Abaningi baqala ukuzisola ngamathuba abawalahlekele abawadela ngenxa yezingane zabo. Ngokwesibonelo, badabuka ngokubhuntsha kwezothando noma bakhale ngokuthi sekwephuze kakhulu ukushintsha umsebenzi noma ukuhileleka emsebenzini omusha wokuzilibazisa.
Izinganekwane Neqiniso
Akulona iqiniso ukuthi ukukhula kwengane kuhlale kubuhlungu. Phela ukuba umzali kuwumsebenzi okhathazayo odinga amandla amaningi. Nakuba abazali abangabodwa bevame ukuba ne-nest syndrome lapho izingane zabo zihamba, baningi phakathi kwabo abayithola kabusha injongo yokuphila.
Ngokuvumela izingane ukuba "zintante mahhala", zijabulela ithuba lokulala, ukuphumula, ukujwayelana nabantu abasha, futhi, empeleni, baphinde babe ngokwabo. Abaningi bazizwa bejabule futhi beziqhenya ngokuthi ingane isizimele.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, lapho izingane ziqala ukuhlala ngokwehlukana, ubuhlobo buvame ukuba ngcono futhi bube nobungane ngempela. Abazali abaningi bayavuma ukuthi ngemva kokuba ingane ihambile, uthando lwaba qotho nakakhulu.
Nakuba kukholakala ukuthi lesi sifo sikhula ikakhulukazi komama, akunjalo. Eqinisweni, ucwaningo lubonisa ukuthi lesi simo sivame kakhulu kobaba.
Ungabhekana kanjani ne-nest syndrome engenalutho
Imizwa ehambisana nokuhamba kwezingane ayikwazi ukuthi ilungile noma iyiphutha. Abazali abaningi bayiphonsa ngempela enjabulweni, bese bedabukisa. Esikhundleni sokungabaza ukufaneleka kwakho siqu, kungcono ukulalela imizwelo, ngoba lokhu kuyinguquko yemvelo eya ezingeni elilandelayo lomzali.
Yini ezokusiza uvumelane noshintsho?
- Cabanga ngokuthi ungakhuluma nobani, noma ubheke amaqembu okusekela ngokwengqondo. Ungagcini imizwa yakho kuwe. Abazali abazithola besesimweni esifanayo bazoyiqonda imizwa yakho futhi bakutshele indlela yokubhekana nayo.
- Ungayihluphi ingane ngezikhalazo nezeluleko. Ngakho-ke uzibeka engcupheni yokucekela phansi ubudlelwano, okuzokwandisa i-syndrome engenalutho yesidleke.
- Hlelani imisebenzi ndawonye, kodwa vumela ingane yakho ijabulele inkululeko yayo entsha. Ngokwesibonelo, cela ukuya endaweni ethile eholidini noma ubuze ukuthi ungamjabulisa kanjani lapho efika ekhaya.
- Thola umsebenzi owuthandayo. Manje unesikhathi esiningi esengeziwe, ngakho-ke sichithe ngokujabula. Bhalisela isifundo esithakazelisayo, hamba ngezinsuku, noma vele uphumule esofeni ngencwadi enhle.
- Khuluma ngemizwa yakho nomelaphi. Kuzokusiza ukuthi uchaze ukuthi ubuzali bukuphi empilweni yakho futhi uthuthukise umuzwa omusha wokuba ungubani. Ekwelapheni, uzofunda ukubona imicabango elimazayo, usebenzise izindlela zokuzisiza ukuze uvimbele ukucindezeleka, futhi uzihlukanise nendima yomzali.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, uchwepheshe onekhono uzokusiza ukhethe isu elilungile lokuxhumana nengane elwela ukuzimela futhi ugcine ukwethembana.
Mayelana nombhali: U-Zahn Willines uyi-psychotherapist yokuziphatha egxile ekuluthweni kwengqondo.