Okuqukethwe
- Abazali: Singakuchaza kanjani ukwanda kwenani lokuhlukana ngemva kokuzalwa komntwana wokuqala?
- Ingabe imibhangqwana ehlala isikhathi eside yilabo abalungiselela ukuzalwa, ababese “vuthiwe” ngomqondo othile?
- Ingabe imibhangqwana ebambe iqhaza inamaphrofayili afanayo?
- Ukungathembeki ngokuvamile kuyimbangela yokuhlukana. Ingabe imibhangqwana egcina ingathinteki? Noma ingabe bayazamukela kangcono lezi “zikhala”?
- Uma isimo siwohloka, kanjani ukuthola ibhalansi?
- Yini okufanele siyifune ukuze sikwazi ukuhlala ndawonye? Uhlobo oluthile lokuhle? Isibopho esinamandla kunokuvamile? Ungabeki umbhangqwana ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye?
Abazali: Singakuchaza kanjani ukwanda kwenani lokuhlukana ngemva kokuzalwa komntwana wokuqala?
UBernard Geberowicz: Ukuzalwa kwengane yokuqala, kamuva kunangaphambili, kubeka esivivinyweni ukuphila kwamalungu ombhangqwana. Lezi zinxushunxushu zingaphakathi kuwo wonke umuntu, ngokobudlelwano (ngaphakathi kwabashadikazi), umndeni kanye nochwepheshe bezenhlalo. Imibhangqwana eminingi kancane kancane ithola ibhalansi entsha. Abanye bayaqaphela ukuthi izinhlelo zabo azihambisani futhi bahamba ngezindlela zabo. Izibonelo umuntu ngamunye azakhile, vele, zineqhaza esinqumweni sokuhlukana. Ingabe kuyinto enhle ukucabangela ukuhlukana ngokushesha njengesixazululo kunoma yikuphi ukungqubuzana kobudlelwane? Ngicabanga ukuthi kudingekile ukucabangisisa ngaphambi “kokuba nesibindi” sokuhlukana. Ukukhiya umbhangqwana oyimpoqo akusahlelekile, umbhangqwana we-"Kleenex" awuyona imodeli yokukhuthaza noma, kusukela lapho umuntu ethatha umthwalo wokuba nengane nomuntu.
Ingabe imibhangqwana ehlala isikhathi eside yilabo abalungiselela ukuzalwa, ababese “vuthiwe” ngomqondo othile?
BG : Singalungiselela ukuba abazali. Fundani ukulalelana, nikhulumisane, fundani ukubuza futhi nizakhele izidingo ngaphandle nje kwenhlamba. Ukumisa ukuvimbela inzalo, ukukhulelwa, ukuphupha emini yisikhathi esihle sokwenza lo msebenzi futhi unakekele omunye kanye nobudlelwane.
Kodwa umbhangqwana awukaze “uvuthwe ngokugcwele” ukuba ube nomntwana. Kungokwazana nengane futhi lapho sifunda khona ukuba umzali futhi sithuthukise ukuphelelisana nokuvumelana “kweqembu labazali”.
“Un amour au longue cours”, inoveli ethinta inhliziyo ezwakala iyiqiniso
Ingabe amagama agcina isikhathi esidlulayo? Singakwazi yini ukulawula isifiso? Umbhangqwana ungawudelela kanjani umkhuba? Kule noveli ye-epistolary, u-Anaïs no-Franck babuza futhi baphendulane, bevusa izinkumbulo zabo, izinkinga zabo, ukungabaza kwabo. Indaba yabo ifana nezinye eziningi: umhlangano, umshado, izingane ezizalwa futhi ezikhulayo. Bese kuba amagagasi okuqala angemahle, ubunzima bokuqondana, isilingo sokungathembeki ... Kodwa u-Anaïs noFranck banesikhali: inkolelo ephelele, engapheli othandweni lwabo. Baze babhala “uMthetho-sisekelo wabashadikazi”, owanamekelwa efrijini, okwenza abangani babo bamamatheke, futhi izihloko zabo zizwakala njengohlu lwezinto okufanele zenziwe ngo-January 1: Isigaba 1, ungamgxeki omunye uma ehlezi. nakekela umntwana – Isigaba 5, ningatshelani konke – Isigaba 7, hlanganani kusihlwa kanye ngesonto, ngempelasonto eyodwa ngenyanga, isonto elilodwa ngonyaka. Kanye nesihloko se-10 esinomusa: yemukela ubuthakathaka bomunye, umsekele kukho konke.
Eqondiswa yilawa mazwi ahlakaniphile abhalwe emakhasini, u-Anaïs noFranck bavusa ukuphila kwansuku zonke, ukuhlolwa kweqiniso, amadodakazi abo akhulayo, yonke into esiyibiza ngokuthi "ukuphila komndeni" nokuthi ubani ukuphila okufushane. Ngesabelo sayo sokungenzeki, ukusangana, "okungalawuleki". Futhi ngubani ozokwazi ukubeletha, enqunu futhi ejabule, isifiso sokuqala ndawonye. F. Payen
"Uthando lwesikhathi eside", nguJean-Sébastien Hongre, ed. U-Anne Carrière, € 17.
Ingabe imibhangqwana ebambe iqhaza inamaphrofayili afanayo?
BG : Angikholwa ukuthi kukhona umbandela ongabikezela ubude bempilo yobudlelwano. Labo abazikhethayo ngokubhala izinto ezifanayo ezidingekayo abanaso isiqiniseko sempumelelo. Labo abaphila isikhathi eside ngendlela “exube kakhulu” ngaphambi kokuba babe abazali basengozini yokuphazanyiswa ukuqhuma kwebhamuza nokudlula kokubili kuya kwezintathu. Imibhangqwana “ehluke kakhulu” ngezinye izikhathi nayo iba nobunzima obuhlala njalo.
Kungakhathaliseki isizinda nesizinda sabazali, wonke umuntu kumelwe akulungele ukucabangela ukuthi “akukho okuyophinde kufane, futhi kungcono kakhulu!” Ngaphezu kwalokho, lapho umbhangqwana uzizwa uqinile (emehlweni awo nakuwezihlobo zawo kanye nemindeni eyahlukene), ingozi yokungqubuzana iyancipha.
Ukungathembeki ngokuvamile kuyimbangela yokuhlukana. Ingabe imibhangqwana egcina ingathinteki? Noma ingabe bayazamukela kangcono lezi “zikhala”?
BG : Amanga alimaza ngaphezu kokungathembeki. Baholela ekulahlekelweni ukuzethemba komunye, kodwa futhi nakuwe, ngakho-ke ekuqineni kwesibopho. Imibhangqwana ehlala njalo, emva kwalokho, yilabo abakwaziyo "ukuphila" nalezi zinkinga, futhi abakwazi ukubuyisela ekuthembekeni kanye nesifiso esivamile sokutshala kabusha ebudlelwaneni. Ngamafuphi, kumayelana nokuziphendulela ngokukhetha komuntu, ukwazi ukucela nokuthethelela, hhayi ukwenza abanye bathwale icala ngezenzo zabo.
Uma isimo siwohloka, kanjani ukuthola ibhalansi?
BG : Ngisho nangaphambi kokonakala, imibhangqwana inesithakazelo sokuzinika isikhathi sokuxoxa, sokuchaza, sokulalelana, sokufuna ukuqondana. Ngemva kokuzalwa komntwana, ukubuyisela ukusondelana kwababili kubalulekile. Akufanele silinde isonto leholide ndawonye (esingavamile ukuyithatha ekuqaleni) kodwa zama, ekhaya, ukuvikela kusihlwa okumbalwa, lapho ingane ilele, ukusika izikrini futhi sibe ndawonye. Qaphela, uma ilungu ngalinye lombhangqwana lisebenza kakhulu, ngohambo olukhathazayo, kanye “namasongo kagesi” okubaxhumanisa nomhlaba wochwepheshe kusihlwa nangezimpelaviki, lokhu kunciphisa ukutholakala komunye nomunye (kanye nengane). Ukwazi futhi, ubulili abukwazi ukubuyela phezulu emasontweni alandela ukufika kwengane. Embuzweni, ukukhathala komuntu ngamunye, imizwa yaphendukela enganeni, imiphumela yokubeletha, ukuguqulwa kwama-hormone. Kodwa ukusebenzelana, ukusondelana kwesisa, isifiso sokuhlangana ndawonye kugcina isifiso siphila. Hhayi ukusesha ukusebenza, noma isidingo sokuba “phezulu” noma umbono omubi wokubuyela emuva “njengoba kwakunjalo ngaphambili”!
Yini okufanele siyifune ukuze sikwazi ukuhlala ndawonye? Uhlobo oluthile lokuhle? Isibopho esinamandla kunokuvamile? Ungabeki umbhangqwana ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye?
BG : Umjikelezo awusona isithiyo, inqobo nje uma sazi ukuthi impilo yansuku zonke iqukethe ingxenye yezinto eziphindaphindayo. Kukuwo wonke umuntu ukuthi akwazi ukuqinisa le mpilo ngezikhathi eziqinile, izikhathi zokuhlangana, ukusondelana okwabiwe. Hhayi ukuba nemibono engafinyeleleki, kodwa ukwazi ukuthi ungafuna kanjani wena kanye nabanye. Ukuhambisana nokuhambisana kubalulekile. Kodwa futhi nekhono lokugqamisa izikhathi ezinhle, ukuthi yini ehamba kahle hhayi nje amaphutha nokusola.