Indlela eya enhlalakahleni yomuntu iwukuba nozwelo kwabanye. Okuzwa ngakho kuSonto-sikole noma enkulumweni yobuBuddha manje sekufakazelwe ngokwesayensi futhi kungabhekwa njengendlela etuswa ngokwesayensi yokujabula kakhudlwana. Uprofesa wezengqondo uSusan Krauss Whitborn ukhuluma kabanzi ngalokhu.
Isifiso sokusiza abanye singaba ngezindlela eziningi. Kwezinye izimo, ukunganaki kumuntu ongamazi kakade kuwusizo. Ungawususa umcabango othi “vumela omunye umuntu akwenze” bese ufinyelela kumuntu odlulayo okhubeka eceleni komgwaqo. Siza ukuqondisa umuntu obukeka elahlekile. Tshela umuntu odlulayo ukuthi iteki lakhe aliqaqiwe. Zonke lezo zenzo ezincane zibalulekile, kusho uprofesa wezengqondo wase-University of Massachusetts uSusan Krauss Whitbourne.
Uma kuziwa kubangane nezihlobo, usizo lwethu lungaba usizo olukhulu kubo. Ngokwesibonelo, umzalwane othile unobunzima emsebenzini, futhi sithola isikhathi sokuhlangana ukuze siphuze inkomishi yekhofi ukuze simvumele akhulume futhi ameluleke okuthile. Umakhelwane ungena emnyango ephethe izikhwama ezisindayo, futhi siyamsiza aphathe ukudla endlini.
Kwabanye, konke kuyingxenye yomsebenzi. Izisebenzi zasesitolo ziyakhokhelwa ukuze zisize abathengi bathole imikhiqizo efanele. Umsebenzi wodokotela nama-psychotherapist uwukukhulula ubuhlungu, ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo. Ikhono lokulalela bese lenza okuthile ukusiza labo abaswele mhlawumbe lingenye yezingxenye ezibaluleke kakhulu zomsebenzi wabo, nakuba ngezinye izikhathi kuwumthwalo omkhulu.
Ububele vs uzwela
Abacwaningi bavame ukufunda ukuzwelana nokucabangela abanye kunokuba uzwelo ngokwalo. U-Aino Saarinen kanye nozakwabo eNyuvesi yase-Oulu eFinland babonisa ukuthi, ngokungafani nozwela, oluhlanganisa ikhono lokuqonda nokuhlanganyela imizwa emihle nemibi yabanye, ububele busho “ukukhathalela ukuhlupheka kwabanye nesifiso sokukuqeda. ”
Abasekeli be-psychology eqondile sekuyisikhathi eside becabanga ukuthi ukuthambekela kokuzwela kufanele kube nomthelela enhlalakahleni yomuntu, kodwa le ndawo iye yahlala ingafundiwe kangako. Kodwa-ke, ososayensi baseFinland baphikisa ngokuthi kukhona ukuxhumana phakathi kwezimfanelo ezifana nozwelo nokwaneliseka kwempilo ephakeme, injabulo nomoya omuhle. Izimfanelo ezifana nobubele ziwumusa, uzwela, ukucabangela abanye abantu, ukuzicabangela wena ngokwakho noma ukuzamukela.
Ucwaningo lwangaphambilini mayelana nozwelo kanye nezimfanelo zalo ezihlobene luveze izindida ezithile. Isibonelo, umuntu onozwela ngokweqile futhi ongenangqondo usengozini enkulu yokuba nokucindezeleka ngenxa yokuthi "umkhuba wokuzwelana nokuhlupheka kwabanye wandisa amazinga okucindezeleka futhi uthinte umuntu kabi, kuyilapho umkhuba wobubele umthinta kahle."
Cabanga nje ukuthi umeluleki owaphendula ucingo, kanye nawe, baqala ukuthukuthela noma ukucasuka ngenxa yendlela lesi simo esibi ngayo.
Ngamanye amazwi, lapho sizwa ubuhlungu babanye kodwa singenzi lutho ukuze sibudambise, sigxila ezicini ezingezinhle zokuhlangenwe nakho kwethu futhi singase sizizwe singenamandla, kuyilapho ububele busho ukuthi siyasiza, hhayi nje ukubukela ukuhlupheka kwabanye ngokunganaki. .
U-Susan Whitburn uphakamisa ukukhumbula isimo lapho sixhumana nesevisi yosekelo - isibonelo, umhlinzeki wethu we-inthanethi. Izinkinga zokuxhuma ngesikhathi esingafanele kakhulu zingakucasula ngokuphelele. “Ake ucabange ukuthi umeluleki ophendule ucingo kanye nawe uthukuthele noma wacasuka ngenxa yesimo esibi. Akunakwenzeka ukuthi angakwazi ukukusiza ukuxazulula inkinga. Kodwa-ke, lokhu akunakwenzeka: cishe uzobuza imibuzo ukuze ahlole inkinga futhi aphakamise izinketho zokuyixazulula. Lapho uxhumano lungasungulwa, inhlalakahle yakho izothuthuka, futhi, cishe, uyozizwa engcono, ngoba uzothola ukwaneliseka komsebenzi owenziwe kahle.
Ucwaningo lwesikhathi eside
U-Saarinen kanye nozakwabo bafunde ngokujulile ubudlelwano phakathi kozwelo nenhlalakahle. Ngokuqondile, basebenzise idatha yocwaningo lukazwelonke olwaqala ngo-1980 nabangama-3596 abasebancane baseFinland abazalwa phakathi kuka-1962 no-1972.
Ukuhlolwa ngaphakathi kohlaka lokuhlola kwenziwa izikhathi ezintathu: ngo-1997, 2001 no-2012. Ngesikhathi sokuhlolwa kokugcina ngo-2012, iminyaka yabahlanganyeli bohlelo yayiphakathi kweminyaka engama-35 kuya kwengu-50. Ukulandelela isikhathi eside kwavumela ososayensi ukuthi balandele izinguquko ezingeni lozwelo kanye nezinyathelo zomqondo wabahlanganyeli wenhlalakahle.
Ukuze balinganise ububele, uSaarinen nozakwabo basebenzisa uhlelo oluyinkimbinkimbi lwemibuzo nezitatimende, okwathi izimpendulo zazo zahlelwa futhi zahlaziywa. Isibonelo: “Ngiyakujabulela ukubona izitha zami zihlupheka”, “Ngiyakujabulela ukusiza abanye noma bengiphathe kabi”, “Ngiyakuzonda ukubona umuntu ehlupheka”.
Abantu abanozwelo bathola ukwesekwa okwengeziwe komphakathi ngoba bagcina amaphethini okuxhumana amahle kakhulu.
Izinyathelo zenhlalakahle ngokomzwelo zazihlanganisa nesilinganiso sezitatimende ezinjengokuthi: "Ngokujwayelekile, ngizizwa ngijabule", "Nginokwesaba okumbalwa kunabanye abantu abangontanga yami." Isilinganiso esehlukile senhlalakahle ngokomqondo sicabangele ukwesekwa komphakathi okucatshangwayo (“Lapho ngidinga usizo, abangani bami banginikeza njalo”), ukwaneliseka kwempilo (“Waneliseke kangakanani ngempilo yakho?”), impilo eqondile (“Unjani impilo uma iqhathaniswa nontanga?”), kanye nethemba (“Ezimweni ezingaqondakali, ngicabanga ukuthi yonke into izoxazululwa ngendlela engcono kakhulu”).
Ngokuhamba kweminyaka yocwaningo, abanye babahlanganyeli baye bashintsha - ngeshwa, lokhu kwenzeka nakanjani ngamaphrojekthi esikhathi eside. Abaphumelele kowamanqamu ikakhulukazi yilabo ababebadala ekuqaleni komsebenzi, ababengasiyekanga isikole, futhi bephuma emindenini efundile yezinga eliphezulu lezenhlalo.
Isihluthulelo senhlalakahle
Njengoba kwakubikezelwe, abantu abanamazinga aphezulu ozwelo bagcina amazinga aphezulu okusebenza kahle nengqondo, ukwaneliseka kwempilo yonke, ithemba, nokusekelwa komphakathi. Ngisho nokuhlola okuzimele kwesimo sezempilo sabantu abanjalo kwakuphakeme. Le miphumela iphakamisa ukuthi ukulalela nokuba usizo kuyizici ezibalulekile ekugcineni inhlalakahle yomuntu siqu.
Ngesikhathi sokuhlolwa, abacwaningi baphawula ukuthi abantu abanozwelo ngokwabo, bathola ukwesekwa okwengeziwe komphakathi, ngoba "bagcina amaphethini okuxhumana amahle kakhulu. Cabanga ngabantu ozizwa kahle lapho ukhona. Ngokunokwenzeka, bayakwazi ukulalela ngozwela bese bezama ukusiza, futhi ababonakali benenzondo ngisho nakubantu abangajabulisi. Ungase ungafuni ukuba umngane nomuntu osekelayo onozwela, kodwa ngokuqinisekile ngeke ube nandaba nokuthola usizo lwakhe ngokuzayo uma usenkingeni.”
“Amandla ozwelo asinikeza izinzuzo ezibalulekile ezingokwengqondo, ezingabandakanyi nje ukuthuthuka kwemizwa, impilo, nokuzethemba, kodwa futhi nenethiwekhi eyandisiwe neqiniswayo yabangane nabasekeli,” kufingqa uSusan Whitbourne. Ngamanye amazwi, nokho ososayensi bakufakazela ngokwesayensi lokho izazi zefilosofi eziye zabhala ngakho isikhathi eside nalokho abasekeli bezinkolo eziningi abakushumayelayo: uzwela ngabanye kusenza sijabule kakhudlwana.
Mayelana Nombhali: USusan Krauss Whitborn unguprofesa wezengqondo eNyuvesi yaseMassachusetts futhi ungumbhali wezincwadi eziyi-16 eziphathelene nengqondo.