Okuqukethwe
Uyini umona? Isono esifayo noma isisusa sokukhula komuntu siqu? Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDavid Ludden sikhuluma ngokuthi umona ungaba yini futhi weluleka ngokuthi uziphathe kanjani uma unomona ngothile.
Ulindele ukunyuselwa imali usuku nosuku. Wenze okuningi ukuze wenze izinto zenzeke: ukulandela zonke izincomo zomphathi wakho nokwenza ngcono konke ongase ukuthuthukise emsebenzini wakho, ukuhlala sekwephuzile ehhovisi nokuza emsebenzini ngezimpelasonto. Futhi manje kunesikhala sesikhundla sokuphatha. Uqinisekile ukuthi nguwe ozoqokwa - akekho omunye.
Kodwa umphathi uvele amemezele ukuthi usenqume ukuqoka uMark, uzakwenu osemusha, kulesi sikhundla. Yebo-ke, lo Mark uhlala ebukeka njengenkanyezi yaseHollywood, futhi ulimi lwakhe lumisiwe. Umuntu onjengaye uzothakatha noma ngubani. Kodwa ujoyine inkampani muva nje futhi akazange asebenze kanzima njengawe. Ufanelwe ukunyuselwa imali, hhayi yena.
Akugcinanga nje ngokudinwa ukuthi awuqokwanga esikhundleni sobuholi, kodwa futhi unokungamthandi kakhulu uMark, owawungazi ngaphambili. Ucasulwa ukuthi ukutholile obukuphupha isikhathi eside kangaka. Futhi uqala ukutshela ozakwenu izinto ezingemnandi ngoMark futhi uphuphe usuku lonke ukuthi ungamlahla kanjani phansi esikhundleni sakhe esikhundleni sokusebenza.
Uvelaphi umona?
Umona umzwelo oyinkimbinkimbi womphakathi. Kuqala ngokuqaphela ukuthi umuntu unento eyigugu wena ongenayo. Lokhu kuqaphela kuhambisana nomuzwa obuhlungu futhi ongajabulisi.
Ngokombono wokuziphendukela kwemvelo, isinika ulwazi mayelana nesimo sethu senhlalo futhi isikhuthaza ukuba sithuthukise lesi simo. Ngisho nezilwane ezithile ziyakwazi ukuba nomona oyinhloko walabo abaphumelela kakhulu.
Kodwa umona unecala elibi. Esikhundleni sokugxila ekuzuzeni esikufunayo, sicabanga ngesintula futhi sibacasukele abanakho. Umona ulimaza ngokuphindwe kabili, ngoba usenza singagcini nje ngokuzizwa kabi ngathi, kodwa futhi sibe nemizwa engalungile kubantu abangenzanga lutho olubi kithi.
Umona ononya futhi owusizo
Ngokwesiko, umona ububhekwa abaholi benkolo, izazi zefilosofi nezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo njengobubi obuphelele okumelwe kuliwe kuze kufike ukukhululwa okuphelele. Kodwa eminyakeni yamuva, izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ziye zaqala ukukhuluma ngohlangothi lwakhe olukhanyayo. Ungumgqugquzeli onamandla woshintsho lomuntu siqu. Umona onjalo “owusizo” uphambene nomona olimazayo, osishukumisela ukuba silimaze umuntu osidlule ngokuthile.
Lapho uMark ethola umsebenzi owawufisa ukuwufeza, kungokwemvelo ukuthi umona wakuhlaba ekuqaleni. Kodwa-ke ungaziphatha ngendlela ehlukile. Ungakwazi ukunqotshwa umona «oyingozi» futhi ucabange ngendlela yokubeka uMarku endaweni yakhe. Noma ungasebenzisa umona owusizo futhi usebenze ngokwakho. Isibonelo, ukwamukela izindlela namasu afinyelele ngawo umgomo.
Mhlawumbe udinga ukungagxili kakhulu futhi ufunde kozakwenu ophumelele kakhulu indlela yakhe yokuxhumana eneme nobungane. Phawula indlela abeka ngayo izinto eziza kuqala. Uyazi ukuthi yimiphi imisebenzi engaqedwa ngokushesha futhi edinga ukuzinikela okuphelele. Le ndlela imenza akwazi ukuhambisana nakho konke okudingekayo phakathi namahora okusebenza futhi ahlale esesimweni esihle.
Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ziphikisana kakhulu mayelana nokwanela kokuhlukaniswa komona kube okulimazayo nokuwusizo. Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo u-Yochi Cohen-Cheresh no-Eliot Larson bathi ukuhlukanisa umona zibe izinhlobo ezimbili akucacisi lutho, kodwa kudida yonke into nakakhulu. Bakholelwa ukuthi ozakwabo abakhuluma ngomona olimazayo nozuzisayo badida imizwelo nokuziphatha okubangelwa imizwa.
Iyini imizwa?
Imizwelo iwukuhlangenwe nakho okukhethekile, imizwa ephakama ngaphansi kwezimo ezithile. Zinemisebenzi emibili:
Ekuqaleni, basinikeza ngokushesha ulwazi mayelana nezimo zamanje, njengokuba khona kosongo noma ithuba. Umsindo ongavamile noma ukunyakaza okungalindelekile kungase kubonise ukuba khona kwesilwane esizingelayo noma enye ingozi. Lezi zimpawu ziba izimbangela zokwesaba. Ngokufanayo, sithola injabulo phambi komuntu okhangayo noma lapho ukudla okumnandi kuseduze.
OkwesibiliImizwelo iqondisa ukuziphatha kwethu. Lapho sibhekana nokwesaba, sithatha izinyathelo ezithile ukuze sizivikele. Uma sijabule, sibheka amathuba amasha futhi sandise umbuthano wethu wokuxhumana nabantu. Lapho sidabukile, siyakugwema ukuzihlanganisa nabantu futhi sizihlukanise ukuze sithole ukuthula kwengqondo.
Umona ungomunye - ukusabela kokuziphatha kuhlukile
Imizwa isitshela ukuthi kwenzekani kithi okwamanje, futhi isitshele ukuthi kufanele sisabele kanjani esimweni esithile. Kodwa kubalulekile ukuhlukanisa phakathi kokuhlangenwe nakho okungokomzwelo nokuziphatha okuholela kukho.
Uma umona ozuzisayo nolimazayo kuyimizwelo emibili ehlukene, khona-ke izenzakalo ezandulela le mizwelo kumele nazo zihluke. Isibonelo, intukuthelo nokwesaba kuyizimpendulo ezingokomzwelo ezinsongweni, kodwa ukwesaba kuholela ekugwemeni ingozi, futhi intukuthelo iholela ekuhlaselweni. Intukuthelo nokwesaba kuphila ngendlela ehlukile futhi kuholela ekubonakalisweni kokuziphatha okuhlukene.
Kodwa esimweni somona owusizo futhi olimazayo, konke kuhlukile. Okuhlangenwe nakho okuyinhloko okubuhlungu okuholela emona kuyefana, kodwa izimpendulo zokuziphatha zihlukile.
Lapho sithi imizwelo ilawula ukuziphatha kwethu, kuzwakala sengathi sibuthakathaka, izisulu ezingenakuzisiza zemizwa yethu. Lokhu kungase kube yiqiniso kwezinye izilwane, kodwa abantu bayakwazi ukuhlaziya imizwa yabo futhi baziphathe ngendlela ehlukile ngaphansi kwethonya labo. Ungavumela ukwesaba kukwenze igwala, noma ungaguqula ukwesaba kube isibindi futhi uphendule ngokwanele ezinseleleni zokudalelwa.
Ukulutheka nakho kungalawuleka. Lo mzwelo usinika ulwazi olubalulekile mayelana nesikhundla sethu emphakathini. Kukithi ukuthi sinqume ukuthi senzenjani ngalolu lwazi. Singavumela umona uqede ukuzethemba kwethu futhi ulimaze inhlalakahle yobudlelwano bethu bomphakathi. Kodwa siyakwazi ukuqondisa umona ngendlela enhle futhi sifinyelele izinguquko zomuntu siqu ngosizo lwayo.
Mayelana Nombhali: UDavid Ludden unguSolwazi Wengqondo eGwyneth College eGeorgia kanye nomlobi we-Psychology of Language: An Integrated Approach.