Okuqukethwe
Ukungqubuzana kwezingane: okhiye bokukugwema
“Mina noMathieu sijabule ngokuba ngabazali maduze nje, besiyifuna kakhulu le ngane futhi sikubheke ngabomvu. Kodwa sibone imibhangqwana eminingi yabangane abasizungezile ihlukana ezinyangeni ezimbalwa ngemva kokufika kukaTitou wabo kangangokuthi siyamangala! Ingabe umbhangqwana wethu nawo uzohlakazeka? Ingabe lesi “senzakalo esijabulisayo” esihlonishwa kangaka yiwo wonke umphakathi ekugcineni sizophenduka inhlekelele? »UBlandine nomngane wakhe uMathieu akubona bodwa abazali besikhathi esizayo abazosaba ukungqubuzana kwezingane okudumile. Ingabe lokhu kuyinganekwane noma iqiniso? NgokukaDkt Bernard Geberowicz *, lesi simo singokoqobo: “ I-20 kuya ku-25% yemibhangqwana ihlukana ezinyangeni zokuqala ngemva kokuzalwa kwengane. Futhi isibalo sokungqubuzana kwezingane sikhula njalo. “
Umntwana osanda kuzalwa angawubeka kanjani umbhangqwana wabazali engozini enjalo? Kunezici ezihlukahlukene ezingakuchaza. Ubunzima bokuqala obutholwa abazali abasha, ukusuka kokubili ukuya kokuthathu kudinga ukwenza indawo yomhlaseli omncane, kufanele ushintshe ijubane lakho lokuphila, ulahle imikhuba yakho emincane ndawonye. Okwengezwe kulesi sivimbelo wuvalo lokungaphumeleli, lokungafiki kule ndima entsha, lokudumaza umlingani wakho. Ubuthakathaka bomzwelo, ukukhathala ngokomzimba nangokwengqondo, kuye njengaye, nakho kunesisindo esikhulu ekuvumelaneni komshado. Akulula nokwamukela omunye, ukungezwani kwakhe nesiko lomndeni wakubo okuvele kuphinde kuvuke uma umntwana evela! UDkt Geberowicz ugcizelela ukuthi ukwanda kokungqubuzana kwezingane ngokuqinisekile kuhlobene nokuthi isilinganiso sobudala bengane yokuqala siyiminyaka engama-30 eFrance. Abazali, ikakhulukazi abesifazane, bahlanganisa izibopho kanye nemisebenzi yobungcweti, yomuntu siqu neyomphakathi. Ukuba ngumama kuza phakathi kwazo zonke lezi zinto ezibalulekile, futhi ukungezwani kungase kuqhubeke kukhulu. Iphuzu lokugcina, futhi liyaphawuleka, namuhla imibhangqwana inokuthambekela okwengeziwe kokuhlukana ngokushesha nje lapho kuvela ubunzima. Ngakho-ke umntwana uba yisisusa esidalula noma esibhebhethekisa izinkinga ezikhona ngaphambi kokufika kwakhe phakathi kwabazali ababili bakusasa. Siqonda kangcono ukuthi kungani ukuqala umndeni omncane kuyisinyathelo esibucayi sokuxoxisana ...
Yamukela izinguquko ezingenakugwema
Nokho, akufanele senze idrama! Umbhangqwana osothandweni ungasiphatha kahle lesi simo esibucayi, uvimbele izingibe, udambise ukungezwani futhi ugweme ukungqubuzana kwezingane. Okokuqala ngokubonisa ukuqonda. Akukho mbhangqwana odlulayo, ukufika komntwana osanda kuzalwa kudala isiyaluyalu. Ukucabanga ukuthi akukho okuzoshintsha kwenza isimo sibe sibi kakhulu. Imibhangqwana ebalekela ukungqubuzana kwezingane yilabo abalindele kusukela ekukhulelwe ukuthi izinguquko zizofika futhi ibhalansi izolungiswa., abakuqondayo nabakwamukelayo lokhu kuziphendukela kwemvelo, bayayilungiselela, futhi abangacabangi ukuphila ndawonye njengepharadesi elilahlekile. Ubuhlobo obudlule akufanele ikakhulukazi bube inkomba yenjabulo, sizothola, ndawonye, indlela entsha yokujabula. Kunzima ukucabanga uhlobo lokuthuthukiswa okuzolethwa ingane kumuntu ngamunye, kungumuntu siqu futhi kusondelene. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, kubalulekile ukuthi ungaweli ogibeni lwe-idealization kanye nama-stereotypes. Umntwana wangempela, okhalayo, ovimba abazali bakhe ukuba bangalali, akahlangene nosana oluphelele olucatshangelwe izinyanga eziyisishiyagalolunye! Esikuzwayo akuhlangene nombono ongemuhle esasinawo wokuthi ubaba, umama, umndeni uyini. Ukuba abazali akuyona nje injabulo, futhi kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuthi ufana nawo wonke umuntu. Lapho samukela kakhulu imizwa yethu engemihle, ukungaboni ngaso linye kwethu, ngezinye izikhathi ngisho nokuzisola kwethu ngokuqala le siphithiphithi, kulapho sisuka khona engcupheni yokuhlukana ngaphambi kwesikhathi.
Futhi yisikhathi sokubheja ku-conjugal solidarity. Ukukhathala okuhlobene nokubeletha, ngemva kokubeletha, ebusuku obunzima, enhlanganweni entsha akunakugwenywa futhi kubalulekile ukukuqaphela, ekhaya njengakwezinye, ngoba kunciphisa imingcele yokubekezelelana nokucasuka. . Kasenelisanga ukulinda ukuthi uzakwethu avele asisize, kasinqeni ukucela usizo lwakhe, angeke azibonele ngokwakhe ukuthi ngeke sisakwazi ukukuthwala, akasuye umbhuli. Yisikhathi esihle sokugqugquzela ubumbano kwabashadile. Ngaphandle kokukhathala ngokomzimba, kubalulekile ukuqaphela ukuntenga kwakho ngokomzwelo, uqaphe ukuze ungavumeli ukucindezeleka kungene. Ngakho siyanaka omunye nomunye, sikhuluma ngamazwi ethu, ukushintshashintsha kwemizwelo, ukungabaza kwethu, imibuzo yethu, nokudumazeka kwethu.
Ngisho nangaphezu kwezinye izikhathi, inkhulumomphendvulwano ibalulekile ukuze kugcinwe isibopho nokubumbana kombhangqwana. Ukwazi ukuzilalela kubalulekile, ukwazi ukuthi ungamamukela kanjani omunye njengoba enjalo hhayi ngendlela esingathanda ukuthi abe yikho kubaluleke kakhulu. Izindima zika “baba omuhle” kanye “nomama omuhle” azibhalwanga ndawo. Wonke umuntu kufanele akwazi ukuveza izifiso zakhe futhi enze ngokuvumelana namakhono akhe. Lapho okulindelwe kuqinile, kulapho sibheka ngokwengeziwe ukuthi omunye akayithathi indima yakhe ngendlela efanele, futhi kudumazeka ngokwengeziwe ekupheleni komgwaqo, nodwendwe lwawo lwezinhlamba. Ubuzali bubekwa kancane kancane, ukuba ngumama, ukuba ubaba kuthatha isikhathi, akusheshi, kufanele uguquguquke futhi wazise umlingani wakho ukuze umsize azizwe esemthethweni futhi esemthethweni.
Zitholele kabusha indlela yokusondelana
Obunye ubunzima bungavela ngendlela engalindelekile nelimazayo: umona womngane womshado ngomusha.. Njengoba uDkt Geberowicz ebonisa, “Kuphakama izinkinga lapho omunye enomuzwa wokuthi omunye unakekela ingane kakhulu kunaye futhi ezizwa elahliwe, elahliwe. Kusukela ekuzalweni, kuvamile ukuba usana lube isizinda somhlaba. Kubalulekile ukuthi bobabili abazali baqonde ukuthi ukuhlanganiswa kukamama nengane yakhe phakathi nezinyanga ezintathu noma ezine kuyadingeka, kuye njengakuyo. Bobabili kufanele bavume ukuthi umbhangqwana uhlala esihlalweni esingemuva isikhashana. Ukuya ngempelasonto yothando kuphela akunakwenzeka, kungaba yingozi ebhalansi yengane esanda kuzalwa, kodwa i-clinch yomama / ingane ayenzeki amahora angu-24 ngosuku. Akukho okuvimba abazali. ukwabelana izikhathi ezincane zokusondelana kwababili, uma ingane ilele. Sinqamula izikrini futhi sizinike isikhathi sokuhlangana, ukuxoxa, ukuphumula, ukugoqana, ukuze ubaba angazizwa ekhishwa inyumbazane. Futhi ubani othi ukusondelana akusho ngempela ubulili.Ukuqala kabusha kocansi kuyimbangela yokungezwani okuningi. Owesifazane osanda kubeletha akekho ezingeni eliphezulu le-libido, noma ngokomzimba noma ngokwengqondo.
Ohlangothini lwe-hormonal noma. Futhi abangane abanezisusa ezinhle abalokothi bahluleke ukuveza ukuthi ingane ibulala umbhangqwana, ukuthi indoda evamile isengozini yokulingeka ukuba ibheke kwenye indawo uma umkayo engaqalisi ukuphinde aqale ukuthandana! Uma omunye wabo efaka ingcindezi komunye futhi efuna ukubuyela ocansini ngokushesha, umbhangqwana usengozini. Kuyadabukisa kakhulu ukuthi kungenzeka ukuba ukusondelana ngokomzimba, ngisho nezinkanuko, ngaphandle kokuthi kube umbuzo ngocansi. Asikho isikhathi esinqunyiwe, ucansi akufanele lube yinkinga, noma lube yisidingo, noma lube yisithiyo. Kwanele ukuvuselela isifiso, ukungasuki enjabulweni, ukuzithinta, ukwenza imizamo yokujabulisa omunye, ukumbonisa ukuthi uyasijabulisa, ukuthi siyamkhathalela njengomlingani ocansini, nokuthi ngisho noma 'Sifuna ukwenza ucansi manje, sifuna ibuye. Lokhu kubeka umbono wesikhathi esizayo sokubuya kwesifiso somzimba kuqinisekisa futhi kugwema ukungena kumbuthano ononya lapho ngamunye elinda ukuthi omunye athathe isinyathelo sokuqala: “Ngiyabona ukuthi akasangifuni, okungukuthi. kunjalo, kungazelelwe nami, angisamfuni, kujwayelekile lokho ”. Uma izithandani sezingene esigabeni futhi, ukuba khona kwengane nakanjani kudala izinguquko ekuziphatheni kobulili kwabashadile. Kumele kubhekwe lolu lwazi olusha, ucansi alusazenzeki futhi kumele sibhekane novalo lokuthi umntwana uzozwa bese evuka. Kodwa masiqiniswe idolo, uma ubulili bezithandani bulahlekelwa ukuzenzela, buzuza ngamandla nokujula.
Ukunqamula ukuzihlukanisa nokwazi ukuthi uzungeza kanjani
Umthelela wobunzima abashadikazi abadlula kubo uzophindaphindeka uma abazali abasha behlala endaweni evaliwe, ngoba ukuhlukaniswa kuqinisa umbono wabo wokungabi namandla. Ezizukulwaneni ezidlule, abesifazane abasebasha ababebeletha babezungezwe unina kanye nabanye besifazane emkhayeni, babezuza ngokudluliselwa kolwazi, iseluleko nokusekelwa. Namuhla imibhangqwana esemasha izizwa yodwa, ingenakuzisiza, futhi ayilokothi ikhononde. Uma umntwana efika futhi ungenalwazi, kusemthethweni ukubuza imibuzo kubangane asebevele benomntwana, bomndeni. Ungakwazi futhi ukuya ezinkundleni zokuxhumana kanye nezinkundla ukuze uthole induduzo. Sizizwa singesodwa lapho sikhuluma nabanye abazali ababhekene nezinkinga ezifanayo. Qaphela, ukuthola amathani ezeluleko eziphikisanayo nakho kungakhathazeka, kufanele uqaphele futhi uthembele ingqondo yakho evamile. Futhi uma usebunzimeni ngempela, ungangabazi ukufuna izeluleko kochwepheshe abanekhono. Ngokuqondene nomndeni, lapha futhi, kufanele uthole ibanga elifanele. Ngakho-ke samukela izindinganiso namasiko omndeni esizazi ngawo, silandela iseluleko esibona sibalulekile, futhi sibashiya ngaphandle kwecala labo abangahambisani nombhangqwana wabazali esiwakhayo.
* Umbhali wencwadi ethi “Izithandani ezibhekene nokufika kwengane. Nqoba ukungqubuzana kwezingane ”, ed. Albin Michel