Isifiso somunye wabalingani sokuchitha amaholide abo ngokwehlukana singabangela ukucasuka nokungaqondi komunye. Kodwa okuhlangenwe nakho okunjalo kungaba usizo ekuvuseleleni ubudlelwano, kusho uchwepheshe waseBrithani wezeNgqondo uSylvia Tenenbaum.
ULinda uhlale ebheke ngabomvu isonto lakhe leholide. Izinsuku eziyisishiyagalombili eyedwa, engenabantwana, engenaye umyeni asehlanganyele naye impilo yakhe iminyaka engamashumi amathathu. Ezinhlelweni: massage, uhambo oluya emnyuziyamu, uhamba ezintabeni. Uthi: “Yini ekujabulisayo.
Ilandela isibonelo sikaLinda, imibhangqwana eminingi inquma ukuchitha amaholide ayo ngokwehlukana komunye nomunye. Izinsuku ezimbalwa, isonto, mhlawumbe ngaphezulu. Leli yithuba lokuzinika isikhathi futhi ube wedwa nawe.
Phuma esimisweni
“Kuhle kakhulu ukuba phakathi kwamadoda, singaphili ndawonye,” kuchaza uSebastian oneminyaka engu-30 ubudala. Uma ithuba livela, uhamba isonto lonke ehlangene nabangane. Yena nomkakhe uFlorence sebeneminyaka emibili bendawonye, kodwa indawo ezungezile nemikhuba ibonakala izolile futhi ilinganisela kuye.
Ukuhlukana nesimiso esivamile, lo mbhangqwana ubonakala ubuyela esigabeni sokuqala sobudlelwane: izingcingo, izincwadi.
Sonke sinezinto esizithandayo. Akudingeki ukuthi zabiwe phakathi kwabalingani. Yilokho ubuhle bokuhlukaniswa. Kodwa futhi kunenzuzo ejulile, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uSylvia Tenenbaum sithi: “Lapho sihlala ndawonye, siqala ukuzikhohlwa. Sifunda ukuhlukanisa yonke into kabili. Kodwa omunye ngeke asinike konke esikufunayo. Ezinye izifiso zihlala zinganeliseki." Ukuhlukana nesimiso esivamile, lo mbhangqwana ubonakala ubuyela esigabeni sokuqala sobudlelwane: izingcingo, izincwadi, ngisho nezibhalwe ngesandla - kungani kungenjalo? Uma umlingani engekho, kusenza sizizwe izikhathi zokusondelana kakhulu.
Buyisela
Lapho eneminyaka engu-40, uJeanne uthanda ukuhamba yedwa. Uneminyaka engu-15 eshadile, futhi phakathi nesikhathi aye eholidini yedwa. “Lapho nginomyeni wami, ngizizwa ngisondelene kakhulu naye. Kodwa lapho ngiya eholidini, kufanele ngihlukane nezwe lakithi, umsebenzi, ngisho naye. Ngidinga ukuphumula futhi ngilulame.” Umyeni wakhe ukuthola kunzima ukwamukela. "Kwaphela iminyaka ngaphambi kokuba athole ukuthi ngangingazami ukubaleka."
Ngokuvamile amaholide kanye namaholide yisikhathi esinikela ngaso sodwa. Kodwa uSylvia Tenenbaum ukholelwa ukuthi kuyadingeka ukuhlukana ngezikhathi ezithile: “Umoya ohlanzekile. Akusona ngempela isizathu esenza ukuba umbhangqwana ucindezeleke. Ikuvumela ukuthi uphumule futhi uchithe isikhathi uwedwa nawe. Ekugcineni, sizithola sifunda ukwazisa ukuphila ndawonye ngokwengeziwe.”
Thola izwi lakho futhi
Kweminye imibhangqwana, le nketho ayamukelekile. Kuthiwani uma (yena) ethola umuntu ongcono, bacabanga. Kuyini ukuntula ukwethembana? “Kuyadabukisa,” kusho uSylvia Tenenbaum. "Embhangqwaneni, kubalulekile ukuthi wonke umuntu azithande, azazi futhi akwazi ukuphila ngendlela ehlukile, ngaphandle kokusondelana nomlingani."
Iholide elihlukene — ithuba lokuzitholela kabusha
Lo mbono uhlanganyela noSarah oneminyaka engu-23 ubudala. Usethandane iminyaka eyisithupha. Kuleli hlobo, uhamba nomngane wakhe amasonto amabili, kuyilapho isithandwa sakhe sithatha uhambo oluya eYurophu nabangane. “Uma ngiya kwenye indawo ngaphandle komuntu wami, ngizizwa ngizimeleKuvuma uSara. - Ngithembela kimi kuphela futhi ngigcina i-akhawunti kimina kuphela. Ngiba matasa kakhulu.”
Iholide elihlukile liyithuba lokuziqhelelanisa kancane komunye nomunye, ngokoqobo nangokomfanekiso. Ithuba lokuzithola futhi, isikhumbuzo sokuthi asidingi omunye umuntu ukuze abone ukuphelela kwethu. “Asithandi ngoba siyadinga,” kuphetha uSylvia Tenenbaum. Siyakudinga ngoba sithanda.