Zonke izingane zihlukile, futhi izindlela zokukhulisa izingane ezisebenzela omunye zingase zingasebenzi kwenye. Kodwa noma kunjalo, amaphethini athile angalandelelwa. Encwadini ethi “Izingane ZaseZulwini. I-Art of Positive Parenting, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika uJohn Gray sikhomba izinhlobo ezine zomoya wezingane futhi, ngokufanele, izindlela ezine zokuxhumana nezingane.
Umsebenzi oyinhloko we-Methodology kaJohn Grey ukusiza abazali bakhulise ilungu lomphakathi elikhululekile, elijabule futhi elizimele. Futhi ngenxa yalokhu, umbhali ukholelwa ukuthi, abazali kufanele bafunde ukuxhumana nengane, becabangela izici zobuntu bakhe.
Ingane ngayinye ihlukile futhi ayiphindi. Wonke umuntu unezici, amakhono, izidingo nezithakazelo. Abazali kufanele bakuqaphele lokhu futhi bangaphelelwa ithemba uma indodana noma indodakazi yabo ihluke kakhulu kubantwana babangane babo, abafowabo nodadewabo abadala. Emfundweni, ukuqhathanisa akwamukelekile.
Ngaphezu kwalokho, umbhali uncoma ukuthi kusetshenziswe izindlela ezahlukene zokukhulisa amadodakazi namadodana. Kafushane, lo mbono ungancishiswa ube yifomula ethi "ukunakekelwa kwamantombazane, ukwethemba abafana". Amantombazane adinga ngempela isimo sengqondo sokuhlonipha, nokukhathalela okwengeziwe. Kodwa abafana badinga ukwethenjwa, banikeze ukuzimela okwengeziwe.
Ngokunquma uhlobo lwesimo somntwana, ungakha ukuxhumana okuphumelelayo naye. Kodwa khumbula ukuthi isimo sengqondo asibonakali ngaso sonke isikhathi ngendlela ehlanzekile. Ngezinye izikhathi ukuxuba okubili noma okuthathu kungenzeka - khona-ke ingane iziphatha ngendlela ehluke ngokuphelele ngisho nasezimweni ezifanayo.
1. Iyazwela
Uhlobo lomuntu oluntekenteke ngokomzwelo, olusengozini futhi oluzwelayo. Ukukhononda kuyingxenye yemvelo yengane enjalo. Izingane ezizwelayo zidinga uzwelo, ukuqashelwa kokuhlangenwe nakho kwazo nezikhalo zazo.
Nikeza ingane yakho ithuba lokuxoxa ngobunzima bayo, futhi izozizwa ingcono ngokushesha. Iphutha elikhulu ukuzama ukujabulisa indodana noma indodakazi ezwelayo. Lokhu cishe kuzoholela kumphumela ophambene - ingane izogxila nakakhulu kokubi.
Indlela yokuxhumana. Izingane ezinjalo zisabela ngokushesha ezimweni eziphathelene nezifiso nezidingo zazo. Ngokuvamile basabela ngokwenqaba ngezinyembezi futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo bakulungele ukubambisana lapho bengalalelwa futhi baqondwe. Ingane ezwelayo idinga ukunakwa okwengeziwe, abazali kudingeka bayisize yenze abangane phakathi kontanga yayo.
Ngokusekelwa abantu abadala, izingane ezizwelayo ziyancipha, zijabule futhi zikhuthele.
I-2. Isebenza
Izingane ezinjalo zinesithakazelo esikhulu ekhonweni lokuthonya izwe elibazungezile. Balwela ukuthatha isinyathelo futhi bathole imiphumela. Banezinto ezenziwa ngabaholi kusukela bezalwa, bathanda ukugqama.
Kodwa-ke, kubantwana abakhuthele, udinga ukubeka imingcele ngokushesha, ngaphandle kwalokho basheshe badlulele okuvunyelwe futhi bamelane nezinqumo zabantu abadala.
Izingane ezinomoya onjalo kufanele zihlale zikhumbula ukuthi umzali usaphethe. Kodwa ezimweni ezithile, udinga ukuvumela ingane esebenzayo ihole.
Indlela yokuxhumana. Izingane ezinjalo zithinteka kahle emidlalweni yamaqembu ngaphansi kokuqondisa komqeqeshi ohlakaniphile. Kubaluleke kakhulu ukuthi ungakhohlwa ukukhuthaza isifiso somntwana sokuphumelela. Kubalulekile ukuba azi ukuthi bayakholelwa kuye, khona-ke uzobonisa izimfanelo zakhe ezinhle kakhulu. Kodwa izingane ezinjalo zibekezelela kanzima ukungenzi lutho. Abathandi ukulinda noma ukuma emgqeni. Ngakho-ke, phakathi nesifundo esiyisicefe, kungcono ukuvela ngokushesha nomdlalo noma okunye ukuzijabulisa.
Izingane ezikhuthele zithintana kalula lapho zinikezwa uhlelo lokwenza okuthile: “Siqale siye esitolo. Kuzomele ubekezele kancane. Kodwa-ke sizoya epaki, futhi ungadlala.” Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, izingane ezinjalo ziba nezindawo zokuhlala, zilungele ukubambisana nokuyekethisa.
3. Ukusabela
Izingane ezinjalo ngokuvamile zinobungane futhi zinobungane kunontanga yazo. Kubalulekile ukuthi baxhumane nabanye, bahlale befunda ukusabela ekuziphatheni kwabo. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, bavulekele imizwa nemizwelo emisha.
Balwela ukubona, ukuzwa kanye nesipiliyoni ngangokunokwenzeka futhi bathande ushintsho. Ngenxa yalokhu, ngezinye izikhathi kuba nzima ngengane ekhuthele ukugxilisa ingqondo, ukuqeda ibhizinisi elithile. Badinga ukukhuthazwa njalo nesiqondiso esicacile esivela kumzali.
Indlela yokuxhumana. Okubalulekile wukushintsha njalo komsebenzi. Hamba kakhulu nengane enjalo ezindaweni zokudlala ezintsha, iminyuziyamu netiyetha, nibuke opopayi futhi nifunde nezincwadi. Ngaphezu kwalokho: ingane enjalo kulula ukuyishintsha futhi ihehe ngokuthile. Bathanda ukusiza abazali babo emisebenzini emisha. Indlela elula ethi “Masenze okuthile okuthakazelisayo manje…” kwanele, futhi manje ingane isisiza ukubhaka amakhukhi noma i-vacuum.
Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi izingane ezikhuthele zishintshashintsha kakhulu futhi zithola isithukuthezi ngokushesha. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, lapho sebewutholile umsebenzi abawuthandayo, bavame ukukhuthala futhi baqeqesheke.
4. Owemukelayo
Kubalulekile ukuthi izingane ezilalelayo ziqonde ukuthi kuzokwenzekani ngomzuzu olandelayo nokuthi yini ongayilindela kusasa. Ukubikezela kubalulekile ezinganeni ezinalesi simo sengqondo.
Badinga isikhathi sokuzilungiselela nokujwayela umsebenzi omusha. Ngakho-ke, akufanele neze ubaphuthume noma ubathethise ngokunensa. Ngokwesibonelo, enkundleni yokudlala, ingane elalelayo ijoyina umdlalo kuphela ngemva kokuwugcina nokuqonda imithetho yawo.
Indlela yokuxhumana. Ingane enjalo idinga ukusetha imisebenzi, amasiko, isimiso sansuku zonke kanye nokusekelwa kwabazali ebhizinisini elisha kubalulekile kuye. Ngaphandle kwayo, ingane angeke ikwazi ukuthola izithakazelo nhlobo. Kunzima kuye ukuphuma endaweni yakhe yokunethezeka. Ukuze ukhuthaze ingane yakho ukuba yenze okuthile, qala ngokuyivumela ikubuke uyenza. Chaza ngokuningiliziwe ukuthi yini futhi kungani. Lezi zingane zithanda izincazelo ezinemininingwane.
Asikho isidingo sokubandakanya indodana noma indodakazi ngenkani emsebenzini ofanayo. Lokhu kuzodala ukuhlehla nokumelana nodlame. Nakuba ngokuvamile izingane ezisabelayo zithola indawo yokuhlala futhi kulula ukuxhumana nazo, zinobungane kakhulu futhi ziyacabangela. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, bangase basebenze kakhulu.
Mayelana nombhali: UJohn Gray uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo kanye nochwepheshe ebudlelwaneni bomndeni. Ungumbhali wezincwadi ezingu-17 ezikhuluma ngobudlelwano babantu, okuhlanganisa nethi Men Are from Mars, ethi Women Are from Venus.