Okuqukethwe
“Mamaaaaa! Ngibe nephupho elibi ! »… Imi eduze kombhede wethu, intombazanyana yethu iqhaqhazela ngenxa yokwesaba. Sivuswe ngokuqala, sizama ukugcina ikhanda elipholile: akulutho ukuzikhathaza ngengane ephupha kabi, ngokuphambene, ckuyinqubo edingekayoe, okumvumela ukuthi alawule ukwesaba nokukhathazeka angakwazi ukukuveza noma ukukuhlanganisa nosuku. “Njengoba nje ukugaya kuvumela ukuba kuphume lokho okungazange kuthathwe umzimba, amaphupho amabi avumela ingane ukuba ikhiphe icala elingokomzwelo elingakashiwongo”, kuchaza uMarie-Estelle Dupont, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. Ngakho-ke iphupho elibi liyinqubo edingekayo "yokugaya kwengqondo".
Ukusabela osukwini lwakhe
Phakathi kweminyaka emi-3 nengu-7, amaphupho amabi avamile. Ngokuvamile, zihlobene ngokuqondile nalokho umntwana asanda kubhekana nakho. Kungaba ukwaziswa okuzwiwayo, isithombe esibonwa emini, esamethusa futhi angasiqondi, noma isimo esinzima abhekana naso, angasitshelanga ngaso. Ngokwesibonelo, wathethiswa uthisha. Angadambisa imizwa yakhe ngokuphupha uthisha emncoma. Kodwa uma usizi lunamandla kakhulu, lubonakaliswa ngephupho elibi lapho unkosikazi engumthakathi.
Umuntu ongashiwongo ukuthi uzizwa
Iphupho elibi lingavela njengokusabela "kwisimo esingenawo umoya": okuthile ingane ekuzwayo, kodwa okungakacaciswanga. Ukuntuleka kwemisebenzi, ukuzalwa, ukuhlukaniswa, ukuhamba ... Sithanda ukumvikela ngokulibazisa isikhathi sokukhuluma naye ngakho, kodwa unezimpondo ezinamandla: uyabona esimweni sethu sengqondo ukuthi kukhona okushintshile. Le "dissonance cognitive" idala ukukhathazeka. Uyobe esephupha ngempi noma umlilo othethelela imizwa yakhe, futhi umvumela ukuba “awugaye”. Kungcono ukumchazela ngokucacile lokho okulungiselelwe, usebenzisa amagama alula, kuzomthulisa.
Ukukhathazeka nini ngamaphupho amabi wengane
Kulapho ingane iba nephupho elibi elifanayo njalo, lapho liyikhathaza kuze kube yilapho ikhuluma ngalo emini futhi isaba ukulala, lapho kufanele siphenye. Yini engamkhathaza kanje? Ingabe kukhona okumkhathazayo angakhulumi ngakho? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi uyaxhashazwa esikoleni? Uma sizwa ukuvaleka, singathintana nomncishana, okuthi ngezikhathi ezimbalwa, asize ingane yethu ukuba isho futhi ilwe nokwesaba kwayo.
Amanye amaphupho amabi axhumene ekukhuleni kwengane isencane : uma esezinhlelweni zokuqeqesha amabhodwe, nezinkinga zakhe zokugcina noma ukukhipha okukuye, angase aphuphe ukuthi uvalelwe ebumnyameni noma, ngokuphambene nalokho, ulahlekile ehlathini. Uma ewela inkundla ye-Oedipus, ezama ukuyenga unina, uphupha elimaza uyise… futhi uzizwa enecala kakhulu lapho evuka. Okwethu ukuthi simkhumbuze ukuthi amaphupho asekhanda lakhe hhayi empilweni yangempela. Ngempela, kuze kube yiminyaka engu-8, ngezinye izikhathi usenenkinga yokubeka izinto ngendlela efanele. Kwanele ukuthi ubaba wakhe ube nengozi encane ukuze akholwe ukuthi nguyena obangele yona.
Iphupho lakhe elibi libonisa ukukhathazeka kwakhe kwamanje
Lapho umfowabo omkhulu ethukuthelela unina futhi enomona ngosana oluncelisayo, akazivumeli ukuba akuveze ngamazwi, kodwa uzoyidlulisela kuphupho elibi lapho ezoshwabadela umama wakhe. Angase futhi aphuphe ukuthi ulahlekile, ngaleyo ndlela ahumushe umuzwa wakhe wokukhohlwa, noma aphuphe ukuthi uyawa, ngoba uzizwa "ededelwa". Ngokuvamile, kusukela eminyakeni engu-5, ingane iba namahloni okuba namaphupho amabi. Uzokhululeka uma ezwa ukuthi nathi besikwenza ebudaleni bakhe! Kodwa-ke, ngisho nokunciphisa umoya, siyakugwema ukuhleka ngakho - uzozwa sengathi uhlekwa futhi uzophathwa kabi.
Iphupho elibi liphelile!
Asisesheli igumbi ukuze sithole inunu ayibone ephusheni: lokho kungamenza akholelwe ukuthi leliphupho elibi lingaba khona ekuphileni kwangempela! Uma esaba ukubuyela ebuthongweni, siyamqinisekisa: iphupho elibi liphela ngokushesha lapho sivuka, ayikho ingozi yokuyithola. Kodwa angaya ezweni lamaphupho ngokuvala amehlo akhe acabange kakhulu ukuthi iyiphi afuna ukuyenza manje. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ngisho noma sikhathele, asimmemi ukuba alale embhedeni wethu. “Lokho kuyosho ukuthi unamandla okushintsha izindawo nezindima ekhaya,” kuphawula uMarie-Estelle Dupont: kucindezela kakhulu kunephupho elibi! “
Sicela ingane ukuyidweba!
Ngakusasa, ikhanda liphumule, singamnika ukuthi adwebe okumethusile : ephepheni, kakade kancane kancane scary. Angase ahlekise ngisho naleli “nunu” ngokufaka i-lipstick namacici, noma amaqhubu asabekayo ebusweni bakhe. Ungamsiza futhi ngeso lengqondo isiphetho esijabulisayo noma esihlekisayo sendaba.