Okuqukethwe
“Unombiko kusasa. Masha etafuleni! – “Ukungabaza kuyinto, kusesele usuku lonke, kungcono ngishayele umngane wami ucingo…” Kwesinye isikhathi izingxoxo ezinjalo zenzeka ngaphakathi kokwazi kwethu. Futhi lokhu akusho ukuthi sinobuntu obuhlukene. Futhi ngani?
Umqondo we-subpersonalities wathuthukiswa ngeminyaka yawo-1980 ngochwepheshe bezengqondo u-Hal no-Sidra Stone.1. Indlela yabo ibizwa ngeDialogue with Voices. Iphuzu liwukubona izici ezihlukahlukene zobuntu bethu, sibize ngasinye ngamagama futhi sikubone njengomlingiswa ohlukile. Isistimu yokuxhumanisa ishintsha kakhulu lapho siqonda ukuthi umhlaba wangaphakathi awunakuncishiswa kubunikazi obubodwa. Lokhu kusivumela ukuthi samukele umhlaba wangaphakathi kukho konke ukunotha kwawo.
Izingxenye ze "I" yami
“Umuntu uyisimiso esiyinkimbinkimbi okunzima ukusiqonda ngesikhathi esisodwa,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNikita Erin. - Ngakho-ke, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi sifuna ukuziqonda thina noma omunye, ukuze kube lula lo msebenzi, sizama ukuhlukanisa phakathi kwezakhi zohlelo, bese sizihlanganisa zibe "Ngingumuntu ...".
Ngendlela enjalo "eyisisekelo", ukucaciswa kombono kuyanda. Yini ewusizo kakhulu ukwazi: ukuthi “ungumuntu onjalo” noma ukuthi “wenza umsebenzi omuhle, kodwa indlela aziphatha ngayo nabanye ayingiphathi kahle”? Umuntu ofanayo uzibonakalisa ngezindlela ezahlukene kuye ngezimo, indawo ezungezile, inhlalakahle yakhe ngokwengqondo nangokomzimba.
Njengomthetho, ama-subpersonalities avela njengendlela yokuzivikela engokwengqondo. Isibonelo, ingane esengozini ekhulela emndenini onegunya cishe izothuthukisa ubuntu obuncane "Ingane Elalelayo". Uzomsiza agweme ulaka lwabazali bakhe futhi athole uthando nokunakekelwa. Futhi okuphambene nalokho, "I-Rebel", izocindezelwa: ngisho nokukhula, uzoqhubeka nokulandela umkhuba wokunciphisa imizwa yakhe yangaphakathi futhi abonise ukuthobela, ngisho nalapho kungaba usizo kuye ukuziphatha ngendlela ehlukile.
Ukucindezelwa kokunye kwe-subpersonalities kudala ukungezwani kwangaphakathi futhi kuqeda amandla ethu. Yingakho kubaluleke kakhulu ukuletha ukukhanya kwethunzi (okunqatshiwe), kugcizelela u-Nikita Erin.
Ake sithi owesifazane webhizinisi unobuntu obuphansi obucindezelwe "Umama". Izinyathelo ezintathu zizosiza ukuyiveza ekukhanyeni.
1. Ukuhlaziya kanye nencazelo yokuziphatha. “Uma ngifuna ukuba ngumama, ngizozama ukucabanga nokwenza njengomama.”
2. Ukuqonda. “Kusho ukuthini kimina ukuba ngumama? Kungaba nguye kanjani?
3. Ukwehluka. “Zingaki izindima ezihlukene engizidlalayo?”
Uma i-subpersonality igxiliswa ekujuleni kokungazi, ingozi iyanda ukuthi uma kwenzeka inhlekelele izovela phambili futhi ibangele ukubhujiswa okukhulu ezimpilweni zethu. Kodwa uma samukela zonke izinto ezingaphansi kwethu, ngisho nezithunzi, ingozi izokwehla.
Izinkulumo zokuthula
Izingxenye ezihlukene zobuntu bethu azihlali ngokuzwana ngaso sonke isikhathi. Ngokuvamile kuba khona ukungqubuzana kwangaphakathi phakathi komzali wethu nengane: lezi yizimo ezimbili kwezintathu eziyisisekelo zika-“I” ezachazwa isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Eric Berne (bheka ibhokisi ekhasini elilandelayo).
"Ake sithi othile ovela ku-Child state ufuna ukuba umdansi, futhi evela kumzali onguMzali uyaqiniseka ukuthi umsebenzi ongcono kakhulu emhlabeni ungudokotela," kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Anna Belyaeva. - Futhi manje usebenza njengodokotela futhi akazizwa egcwalisekile. Kulokhu, umsebenzi ongokwengqondo naye uhloselwe ukuxazulula le ngxabano nokuqinisa isimo soMdala, okuhlanganisa ikhono lokuhlaziya ngokungakhethi kanye nokuthatha izinqumo. Ngenxa yalokho, kukhona ukwanda kokuqaphela: iklayenti iqala ukubona amathuba okwenza lokho akuthandayo. Futhi izinketho zingase zihluke.
Omunye uzobhalisela izifundo ze-waltz ngesikhathi sakhe sokuphumula, omunye uzothola ithuba lokuthola imali ngokudansa nokushintsha umsebenzi wakhe. Futhi owesithathu uzoqonda ukuthi leli phupho lobuntwana selivele lilahlekelwe ukubaluleka kwalo.
Emsebenzini we-psychotherapeutic, iklayenti lifunda ukuqonda ngokuzimela Ingane yalo yangaphakathi, lithulise, limsekele, limnike imvume. Yiba Umzali Okunakekelayo futhi wehlise ivolumu kuMzali wakho Obalulekile. Vuselela Umuntu Omdala, uzibophezele wena nempilo yakho.
I-subpersonalities ingaqondwa hhayi nje njengezimo ze-"I" yethu, kodwa futhi njengezindima zomphakathi. Futhi bangaphikisana futhi! Ngakho, indima yomama wekhaya ngokuvamile ingqubuzana neyomsebenzi ophumelelayo. Futhi ukukhetha eyodwa kuphela yazo ngezinye izikhathi kusho ukungazizwa njengomuntu oqaphela ngokugcwele. Noma okunye okungaphansi kungase kusihlaziye kabi isinqumo esenziwe omunye, njengoba kwenzeka ku-Antonina oneminyaka engu-30 ubudala.
Uthi: “Ngenqaba ukukhushulwa esikhundleni ngenxa yokuthi kwakuzodingeka ngichithe isikhathi esiningi emsebenzini, futhi ngifuna ukubona ukuthi izingane zethu zikhula kanjani. - Kodwa ngokushesha ngafikelwa umcabango wokuthi ngilimaza ithalenta lami, futhi ngazisola, nakuba ngangingeke ngishintshe lutho. Khona-ke ngabona ukuthi le micabango ifana nezwi likamama: “Owesifazane akanakuzidela emkhayeni!” Kuyamangaza ukuthi empeleni umama akazange angilahle nakancane. Ngakhuluma naye, ngemva kwalokho “umama wami ongaphakathi” wangishiya ngedwa.
Ungubani
Indaba ngayinye ihlukile, futhi izingxabano ezihlukene zicasha ngemuva komuzwa wokunganeliseki. "Ukucwaninga kwezifunda ezihlukahlukene ze-"Mina" noma i-subpersonalities kusiza iklayenti ukuthi lithole futhi lixazulule ukuphikisana kwalo kwangaphakathi esikhathini esizayo," u-Anna Belyaeva uqinisekile.
Ukunquma ukuthi yiziphi izinto ezincane esinazo, uhlu lwezimpawu zomlingiswa, kokubili okuhle nokubi, kuzosiza. Isibonelo: Umuntu Onomusa, Oyisidina, Oyisizungu, Isishoshovu… Buza ngayinye yalezi zingxenye ezincane: unesikhathi esingakanani uphila engqondweni yami? Yiziphi izimo ovame ukuvela kuzo? Iyini inhloso yakho enhle (yini enhle ongenzela yona)?
Zama ukuqonda ukuthi yimaphi amandla akhululwa ngesikhathi sokusebenza kwalokhu kungabonakali komuntu, qaphela imizwa emzimbeni. Mhlawumbe ezinye subpersonalities zithuthuke ngokweqile? Ingabe kuyakufanela? Lezi subpersonalities ziwumgogodla womlingiswa wakho.
Asiqhubekele kwabamelene nabo. Bhala phansi izimfanelo eziphambene ongase ube nazo. Isibonelo, i-subpersonality i-Dobryak ingase ibe nokuphambene ne-Zlyuka noma i-Egoist. Uyakhumbula uma abantu abaphikisana nabo bevela kunoma yiziphi izimo? Bekunjani? Kungaba usizo uma bevela kaningi?
Lezi izinto zakho ezincane ezinqatshiwe. Babuze imibuzo efana neyakuqala. Ngokuqinisekile uzothola izifiso ezingalindelekile kuwe, kanye namakhono amasha.
Ayibonakali
Isigaba sesithathu yi-subpersonalities efihliwe, ubukhona babo esingabazi. Ukuze uwathole, bhala phansi igama lesithixo sakho - umuntu wangempela noma umuntu odumile. Faka ohlwini izimfanelo ozithandayo. Okokuqala kumuntu wesithathu: “Uveza imicabango yakhe kahle.” Yisho kumuntu wokuqala: “Ngikhuluma kahle.” Siphinde sibe namathalente esiwancomayo kwabanye, avele awasho lutho. Mhlawumbe kufanele zithuthukiswe?
Bese ubhala phansi igama lomuntu okucasulayo, bhala izici zakhe ezikubangela ukuba ungabi negativity ethile. Lawa amaphutha akho afihliwe. Uyabuzonda ubuzenzisi? Hlaziya izimo okuye kwadingeka ukuba ube nobuzenzisi kuzo, okungenani kancane. Sasiyini isizathu salokhu? Futhi khumbula: akekho ophelele.
Akubonakali ngaphandle ukuthi i-subpersonalty yethu isebenzisana kanjani. Kodwa ubudlelwano phakathi kwabo buthinta ukuzethemba kanye nenhlalakahle, ukusebenza kahle kanye nemali engenayo, ubungane nothando ... Ngokubazi kangcono nokubasiza bathole ulimi olufanayo, sifunda ukuphila ngokuvumelana nathi.
Ingane, Umuntu Omdala, Umzali
Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo saseMelika u-Eric Berne, owabeka izisekelo zokuhlaziywa kokuthengiselana, ukhombe izici ezintathu eziyinhloko ngamunye wethu anazo:
- Ingane iyisimo esisivumela ukuba sizivumelanise nemithetho, sikhohlisa, sidansa, siziveze ngokukhululekile, kodwa futhi sigcina ukuhlukumezeka kwasebuntwaneni, izinqumo ezilimazayo ngathi, abanye kanye nokuphila;
- Umzali - lesi simo sisivumela ukuba sizinakekele thina nabanye, silawule ukuziphatha kwethu, silandele imithetho emisiwe. Kusukela kulesi simo esifanayo, siyazigxeka thina nabanye futhi silawula ngokweqile yonke into emhlabeni;
- Umuntu omdala - isimo esikuvumela ukuthi usabele kokuthi "lapha futhi manje"; icabangela ukusabela nezici zoMntwana kanye Nomzali, isimo samanje, isipiliyoni sayo futhi inquma indlela yokwenza esimweni esithile.
Funda kabanzi encwadini: U-Eric Berne "Imidlalo Edlalwa Abantu" (Eksmo, 2017).
1 H. Stone, S. Winkelman “Ukwamukela Uqobo Lwakho” (Eksmo, 2003).