Okuqukethwe
Ubani owathi impilo ihlezi inqoba? Ngisho noma izwe elingokoqobo liqhubeka lisivivinya ukuze sithole amandla, ngeke sihlupheke. Singakwazi, ngaphandle kokuwela emaqinisweni, sikubheke ngokwethemba nangokwethemba. Futhi sijabulisane.
“Usuku olumnyama lukhanya ngokumamatheka!” … “Futhi uyamoyizela lo ohlezi echibini!” ... Amakhathuni amadala amahle aseSoviet, lapho kwakhulela khona isizukulwane samaRussia esingaphezu kwesisodwa, awawona ahlakaniphile, njengoba kuvela. Futhi manje isimo sengqondo somusa esinikezwe ebuntwaneni yi-Little Raccoon kanye nezinye "izithombe zopopayi" sithathwa umlingisi we-movie omdala uMunchausen-Yankovsky: "Ngiyaqonda ukuthi yini inkinga yakho - unzima kakhulu. Ubuso obuhlakaniphile abukakabi uphawu lobuhlakani, Madoda. Zonke izinto eziwubuwula emhlabeni zenziwa ngalendlela yobuso ... Smile, Madoda! Mamatheka!
Kodwa ukuphila kwangempela akuyona inganekwane ye-Disney noma ye-Soyuzmultfilm; ngokuvamile kusinika izizathu zokudabuka, ngisho nokudangala. UNatalya oneminyaka engu-36 uyavuma: - Yebo, ngiyabona ukuthi amanani okudla nezingubo akhuphuka kanjani. Kunzima ukuzijabulisa lapho kulo nyaka ngichithe hhayi 1, kodwa 10 ayizinkulungwane ekulungiseleleni indodana yami-grade wesithathu September 15. Ngiyabona indlela umama wethu eguga, futhi kungiphatha kabi. Ngiyaqonda ukuthi ngelinye ilanga ngeke kube njalo. Athi usisi: jabulela ukuthi usaphila. Ngingathanda, kodwa angikwazi “ukuqaqa” okubi.”
Uma silinda izimo ezikhethekile ukuze sizijabulele, kunethuba lokuthi asisoze sazithola zisivumela ngokwanele. Ukumomotheka ekuphileni kuwukukhetha okuqaphelayo, kusho indela engumBuddha uThich Nhat Hanh. Encwadini ethi Be Free Where You Are, weluleka “ukuba sazise yonke imizuzu yokuphila, umzuzu nomzuzu, ukuyisebenzisela ukuzuza ukuqina komoya, ukuthula emphefumulweni nenjabulo enhliziyweni.” Kodwa kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi injabulo inemithunzi eminingi, futhi ngamunye wethu uyahlangabezana futhi ayibonakalise ngendlela yakhe.
Imehluko emibili emikhulu
“Sonke sizalwa sinesimo sengqondo esithile, imizwa, kwabanye iphakeme, kwabanye iphansi. Ngomqondo othile, kubekwa phansi ngofuzo, - kuchaza isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esingumuntu u-Alexei Stepanov. Injabulo ingenye yemizwa yomuntu eyisisekelo, efinyeleleka kuwo wonke umuntu. Sonke, ngaphandle kwama-pathologies, siyakwazi ukuzwa uhla olugcwele lwemizwa. Kodwa ukujabula nokuba nethemba akuyona into efanayo. Le mibono "ivela emibhedeni ehlukene".
Injabulo yisimo somzwelo samanje. Ukulindela okuhle kuyisethi yesimo sengqondo, izinkolelo ezisebenza isikhathi eside, ngezinye izikhathi ukuphila konke. Lesi isimo sengqondo sokujabula ngalokho okwenzekayo ngokuvamile, umuzwa wokuba sezweni, kuhlanganise nokuzethemba empumelelweni esikhathini esizayo. Injabulo iyisizinda lapho lezi zinkolelo ziphila khona.”
Ungakwazi ukuhleka ihlaya elihle lomngane noma ukumamatheka ngenkathi ufunda incwadi, kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo bheka impilo ngokujwayelekile ngengilazi enentuthu, njengaselanga ngesikhathi sokusitheka kwelanga. Futhi ungakwazi ukuqagela ngemuva kwediski elimnyama lenyanga elingena emisebeni yelanga.
Ikhono lokubona okuhle, ngisho noma kunezilingo endleleni yokuphila, lingaba isimo sengqondo esidluliselwa ngenqubo yemfundo.
“Uzakwethu washonelwa ngumkakhe engozini yemoto eminyakeni emibili edlule. Angikwazi ngisho nokucabanga ukuthi kunjani,” kusho uGalina oneminyaka engu-52. – Uneminyaka engu-33 ubudala, izinyanga ezimbili ngaphambi kwengozi, kwazalwa indodakazi. Wayemthanda kakhulu umkakhe, babehlangana ngawo wonke amaholide enkampani yethu. Sasisaba ukuthi uzoyeka. Kodwa wake wathi Lena uzomthethisa ngokuphelelwa yithemba. Nokuthi indodakazi ithole uthando olungako njengoba bekufanele iluthole mhla izalwa.
Ngilalele njengoba ikhuluma ngokumomotheka ngezinyathelo zokuqala zentombazane, indlela edlala ngayo, indlela ebukeka ngayo njengoLena omncane ezithombeni, futhi ngizizwa ngifudumele ngenxa yokuqina nokuhlakanipha kwayo!”
Ikhono lokubona okuhle, ngisho noma kunezilingo endleleni yokuphila, kungase kube isimo sengqondo esidluliswa ohlelweni lwemfundo, noma mhlawumbe kuyingxenye yekhodi yamasiko. “Lapho ama-akathst eculelwa osanta, ngeke uzwe amazwi athi “Jabula, jabula, hleka, ungadangali!” Uzozwa ukuthi “Jabulani!”. Ngakho-ke, lesi simo, ngisho nangokwesiko, sichazwa njengomzwelo obalulekile, oyisisekelo, ojulile oyisisekelo," u-Alexey Stepanov udonsela ukunaka kwethu. Akuyona ize ukuthi labo abaphethwe ukucindezeleka bakhononde kuqala ngokuthi abasayizwa injabulo, futhi kwabaningi lokhu akubekezeleleki kangangokuthi bakulungele ukunikela ngezimpilo zabo. Ungalahlekelwa injabulo, kodwa ungayithola?
Ngedwa kanye nabanye
Kukhona iresiphi enjalo ethandwayo yama-blues - hamba esibukweni bese uqala ukumomotheka ngokwakho. Futhi ngemva kwesikhashana sizokuzwa ukuqhuma kwamandla. Kungani isebenza?
“Ukumamatheka akusona neze isincomo esisemthethweni. Ngemuva kwayo kunezinqubo ezijulile ze-psychophysiological, - kusho u-Alexei Stepanov. - Abaningi bahlola ngokungabaza ukumamatheka kwaseMelika njengokungamanga. Ngicabanga ukuthi ungokwemvelo. Kukhona isimo sengqondo esikweni sokumamatheka, futhi kuhlanganisa noshintsho esimweni somzwelo ngokujwayelekile. Zama ukuvivinya umzimba: thatha ipensela emazinyweni akho bese uyibamba phansi. Izindebe zakho zizokwelula ngokuzenzakalelayo. Lena indlela yokwenziwa ukumomotheka. Bese ubuka imizwa yakho.
Kuyaziwa ukuthi izimo zethu ezingokomzwelo zivezwa ku-dynamics yomzimba, indlela esiziphatha ngayo, iziphi izimo zobuso esinazo, indlela esinyakaza ngayo. Kodwa ukuxhumana komzimba nemizwa kusebenza ngokuphambene. Ngokuqala ukumamatheka, singaqinisa futhi siqinise okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu okuhle ngokukwabelana ngakho nabanye. Phela, akulona ize ukuthi bathi ukudabuka okwabelwanayo kuba yingxenye enkulu, futhi kuhlanganyele injabulo - kabili.
Ungakunaki ukumamatheka - koxhumana naye kuyisignali ekuxhumaneni ukuthi siphephile ukuthintwa
“Lapho uthando lwethu, ubuhlobo bethu bomphakathi nomkhaya buneqiniso futhi bunobunye, siba ngcono nakakhulu,” kukhumbuza isazi sezingxabano uDominique Picard. Ukuze abasekele, weluleka ukulandela ukuvumelana kwezingxenye ezintathu: ukushintshana, ukuqashelwa nokuvumelana. Ukwabelana kumayelana nokupha nokwamukela ngokulinganayo, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isikhathi, izincomo, umusa, noma izipho. Ukuhlonishwa kumayelana nokwamukela omunye umuntu njengohluke kakhulu kithi.
Okokugcina, ukuvumelana kusho ukukhetha isu lokuxhumana elifanela imizwa yethu njengamanje, njengokunganikezi amasignali angacacile noma angqubuzanayo angabangela ingcindezi noma asuse izingxabano. Futhi ungakunaki ukumamatheka - kumuntu oxoxa naye, lokhu kuyisignali ekukhulumisaneni ukuthi siphephile ukuthintana.
Ithemba elinengqondo kanye nokungabi nathemba okuwusizo
Noma yikuphi ukuthambekela kokweqisa, njengokuthi “Ngingenza noma yini ngempela” noma “angikwazi nhlobo ukuthonya lutho,” kusho isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uMarina Cold. Kodwa ungathola ibhalansi.
Sithambekele kangakanani ekuhlaziyeni amakhono ethu namakhono, ingabe siyakucabangela okuhlangenwe nakho kwethu kwesikhathi esidlule, sisihlola ngamaqiniso kangakanani isimo esithuthukile njengamanje? Ngaphandle kokulawula ubuhlakani obunjalo, ithemba liphenduka isithombe esingelona iqiniso somhlaba futhi limane libe yingozi - kungabizwa ngokuthi ithemba elingenangqondo, okuholela esimweni sengqondo sokungaphenduli mayelana nesimo.
Umuntu ongenathemba okhanyiselwe kuphela ongaba nethemba langempela, futhi akukho indida kulokhu. Umuntu ongenathemba, ongathembi amaphupho ngekusasa, angakhi imibono ekhohlisayo, ubheka izinketho zokuziphatha, efuna izindlela zokuzivikela, ebeka utshani kusengaphambili. Ubona kahle okwenzekayo, aphawule imininingwane ehlukahlukene nezici zomcimbi, futhi ngenxa yalokho, uba nombono ocacile waleso simo.
Kodwa ngokuvamile abanye abantu bacabanga ukuthi: “Kunesiphithiphithi esingizungezile, konke kwenzeka ngokungalawuleki, akukho okuncike kimina, akukho engingakwenza.” Futhi baphenduka abangenathemba. Abanye bayaqiniseka: “noma yini eyenzekayo, ngandlela-thile ngingathonya, ngizongenela futhi ngenze engingakwenza, futhi sengivele nginolwazi olunjalo, ngabhekana nakho.” Lokhu kunethemba langempela, elinengqondo, elihlangene hhayi nezinto zangaphandle, kodwa nezangaphakathi, nesikhundla somuntu siqu. Ukungabi nathemba - njengombono ogxekayo wezinto - kusisiza ukuba sihlaziye ngokucophelela izimo futhi sicabange ngemiphumela.
Masithembele ozwelweni
Nokho, umuntu ojabule kakhulu angasethusa, noma okungenani abangele ukungathembeki. “Injabulo egxilile iphazamisa uzwela. Esiqongweni semizwa, sihlukanisiwe nalabo abasizungezile, abayizithulu kubo, - u-Aleksey Stepanov uyaxwayisa. "Kulesi simo, asibahloli ngokwanele abanye, kwesinye isikhathi sibeka umoya omuhle kuwo wonke umuntu oseduze, yize othile engase adabuke ngaleso sikhathi futhi injabulo yethu izobe ingamfanele."
Mhlawumbe yingakho singabethembi ngempela labo abahlale bemamatheka? Sifuna ukuthi u-interlocutor angahlobanisi nemizwa yakhe kuphela, kodwa futhi acabangele eyethu! Umdali womqondo wokukhulumisana okungenalo ubudlova, uMarshall Rosenberg, utusa ukuhlala ngokugcwele ngozwela, athathe lokho okushiwo yi-interlocutor nokuthi yini ehlala lapha futhi manje, hhayi ngosizo lobuhlakani bakhe, kodwa ngosizo lwe-intuition, ukwamukela. Uzizwa kanjani? Yini ongalokotha ungayisho? Yini emdidayo ekuziphatheni kwami? Yini esingayenza ukuze sizizwe sikhululekile ngokwengqondo?
“Lokhu kuziphatha kobuzalwane kudinga ukuba siyeke ukuzicabangela thina siqu, umbono wethu siqu nomgomo wethu, ukuze singene ngaphandle kokubandlulula nokwesaba endaweni engokwengqondo nengokomzwelo yomunye,” kusho uRosenberg.
Ingabe i-utopia? Mhlawumbe, kodwa sidinga ukuyeka isimo sengqondo sokwamukela kanye nezwi elakhayo, okungenani kanye ngesikhathi. Futhi smile ngobuqotho kaningi.
injabulo engalindelekile
Kusisiza ukuthi sithathe isinyathelo sokuqala esiholela enjabulweni. Ikakhulukazi i-Psychologies, umbhali uMariam Petrosyan wabelane ngemizwa yakhe yenjabulo.
“Injabulo itholakala emhlabeni wonke futhi ngesikhathi esifanayo umuntu ngamunye. Kunezikhathi ezijabulisa wonke umuntu, futhi kunezikhathi abambalwa kuphela abajabula ngazo. Kunohlu olude, olungapheli lwenjabulo yendawo yonke. Yize noma ungayelula kanjani, ebuntwaneni kuseyinde ...
Injabulo yomuntu ngamunye ihlale ingalindelekile, ayichazeki. I-flash - kanye nohlaka oluyiqhwa olungabonakali emhlabeni wonke kimi ngedwa. Kukhona injabulo ebonakalayo, uma kunjalo, isibonelo, ukwanga - ukukhanya kokufudumala kwangaphakathi. Uphethe injabulo enjalo ezandleni zakho, uzizwa ngomzimba wakho wonke, kodwa akunakwenzeka ukuyikhumbula. Futhi injabulo ebonakalayo ingagcinwa enkumbulweni futhi ifakwe eqoqweni lomuntu siqu lezithombe zememori. Phenduka ube yihange.
Indodana eneminyaka eyisishiyagalombili eyasuka ku-trampoline yase ibanda isikhashana, yelulele izingalo esibhakabhakeni. Isivunguvungu somoya kungazelelwe sakhipha amaqabunga aphuzi ngokugqamile asuka phansi. Kungani lezi zithombe ezithile? Kwenzeka lokhu nje. Wonke umuntu uneqoqo lakhe. Akunakwenzeka ukuqonda noma ukuphinda umlingo wezikhathi ezinjalo. Ukuthatha ingane ukuba igxume ku-trampoline kulula. Angase ajabule kakhulu kunangesikhathi esidlule. Kodwa umzuzu ohlabayo wenjabulo ngeke uphindwe, isikhathi asikwazi ukumiswa. Kuhlala kuphela ukufihla lokho okwedlule, ukubhoboza, kude futhi kugcinwe kuze kube yilapho kunyamalala.
Kimina, injabulo yolwandle kuphela ephindaphindwayo. Isikhathi lapho iqala ukuvuleka amehlo kukho konke okungapheli, okuluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, okuluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, okukhazimulayo, nganoma yisiphi isikhathi sosuku nanoma yisiphi isimo sezulu. Umuntu angazibuza ukuthi kungani uhlukene naye isikhathi eside kangaka, kungani ungahlali eduze nento enganikeza injabulo ngeqiniso lokuba khona kwayo, eqaphela ukuthi ukuba khona njalo eduze kunganciphisa lo muzwa esimisweni sansuku zonke, futhi namanje ngingakholwa ukuthi lokhu kungenzeka .
Eduze nolwandle - umculo obukhoma. Uhlala edlula, unesikhathi sokulimaza, ukuthinta, ngicela, akhiphe okuthile okufihlwe ngokujulile ... Kodwa untekenteke kakhulu. Sekwanele ukuthi umuntu akhwehlele eduze, isimanga siphelile.
Futhi injabulo engalindelekile kakhulu injabulo yosuku olujabulisayo. Lapho konke kuhamba kahle ekuseni. Kodwa njengoba iminyaka ihamba, lezo zinsuku ziya ngokuya ziba yivelakancane. Ngoba ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, isimo esiyinhloko sokuthola injabulo, ukunganaki, sishabalala ngokuphelele. Kodwa njengoba sikhula, lezi zikhathi ziba yigugu kakhulu. Ngoba nje ziyivelakancane. Lokhu kubenza bangalindelwe futhi babaluleke ngokukhethekile.”