Okuqukethwe
Usana, isidalwa esincane esikhuthele kakhulu
U-Lulu ulambile, futhi njengazo zonke izinsana ezihlangabezana nalo muzwa ongakhululekile, uqala ukugedla, adlikize futhi akhale kakhulu ukuze athole ukunakwa komuntu ofaneleka kakhulu ukuze adambise ukungezwani kwakhe futhi amnike ukwaneliseka: umama wakhe! Kunokuba ithule, usana olusanda kuzalwa luyaxhumana futhi lushintshana ngokushesha. Noma ezalwa engakavuthwa futhi encike kwabaseduze kwakhe ukuze aphile, noma engakwazi ukunyakaza ngokuzimela, yonke ingane iza emhlabeni inamandla amakhulu obuhlakani. Uyalibona iphunga, ubisi, izwi, ulimi lukanina futhi uthuthukisa izindlela ezisebenzayo zokwenza emhlabeni wakhe ukuze awuguqule ngokwezidingo zakhe. Udokotela wezingane oyiNgisi odumile uDonald W. Winnicott ubelokhu egcizelela njalo umsebenzi ofanele wosana. Ngokusho kwakhe, yingane eyenza unina, futhi kufanele ubukele ingane nje emehlweni kanina njengoba incela, imamatheke lapho incike kuye, ukuze uqonde ukuthi kunzima kanjani ukuyijabulisa ...
Kakade ungumkhohlisi omkhulu!
Ukugcizelela ukuthi ingane ikhuthele kangakanani kusukela emasontweni okuqala okuphila akuwehlisi nganoma iyiphi indlela indima ebalulekile yabantu abadala abayinakekelayo. Ayikho into okuthiwa ingane yodwa ! Ngeke sikhulume ngomntwana osanda kuzalwa ngaphandle kokucabangela indawo ezalelwa kuyo. Ukuze akhule futhi achume, udinga izingalo ezimbambayo, izandla ezimbambayo, amehlo ambhekayo, izwi elimqinisekisayo, ibele (noma ibhodlela) elimfundisayo, izindebe ezimqinisayo. agone… Konke lokhu uthola emzini kamama wakhe. Engaphansi kwesipelingi sengane yakhe, udlula enkathini ekhethekile uWinnicott ayibiza "Ukukhathazeka okuyinhloko komama". Lesi simo esikhethekile se-psychic, lokhu "ubuhlanya" obumvumela ukuba azizwe, aqagele, aqonde ukuthi ingane yakhe idingani, iqala amasonto ambalwa ngaphambi kokuphela kokukhulelwa futhi iqhubeke izinyanga ezimbili noma ezintathu ngemva kokubeletha. Njengoba ixhumene nosana lwakhe, olukwaziyo ukufana nayo, ukubeletha kungaletha “ngesikhathi esifanele” lokho okudingekayo enganeni yakhe. Lokhu “kucishe” kuyisisekelo kuWinnicott, okhuluma ngomama “omuhle” hhayi ngomama onamandla onke ongafeza zonke izifiso zomntanakhe.
Ukuba ngumama oqaphile futhi “ojwayelekile”
Ngakho-ke, ukuba ngumama oqotho kwanele ukuba ngumama ovamile, olalelayo ngokwanele kodwa hhayi ngaphezulu. Lokhu kubaqinisa idolo bonke labo abangabazayo, abazibuza ukuthi bazofika yini lapho, abanomqondo wokungaqondi ingane yabo encane. Ukukhala komntwana osanda kuzalwa akunazo izincazelo ezingamashumi amathathu nesithupha, futhi akudingekile ukuba ukhulume kahle “ingane” ukuze uqonde ukuthi ithi, “Ngingcolile” noma “Ngiyashisa” noma “Ngi” ngilambile” noma “Ngifuna ukwanga”. Impendulo esheshayo - futhi esobala - kuzo zonke izicelo zakhe ukumanga, ukuhlola inabukeni lakhe ukuthi angcolile, ukuzwa ukushisa komzimba wakhe, ukumnika okudliwayo. Qaphela, ukumnika isifuba noma ibhodlela akufanele kube impendulo ehlelekile. Ingane ingase ikhale ngoba idiniwe futhi idinga ukuxhunyanwa naye. Ngemva kwamasonto ambalwa, ngenxa yokusebenzisana okuphindaphindiwe, uthumela amasignali ukuthi unina uchaza kangcono nangcono. Labo abehlulekayo ukwenza kanjalo baphazanyiswa ulwazi oluningi lwangaphandle, imibono eminingi ehlukene. Isixazululo silula. Okokuqala, zithembe, yeka ukuhlakanipha, yenza lokho ozizwayo ngisho noma kungahambisani ngazo zonke izindlela nemiyalelo yodokotela bezingane. Izeluleko zezintombi, omama kanye nomamezala, nathi siyakhohlwa!
Ukubukeka, ukumamatheka… kubalulekile.
Njengoba umuntu omncane esheshe azwele amazwi nomculo, unina angamthulisa ngokukhuluma naye, ngokucula. Angakwazi nokukuthoba isililo sakhe ngokumbeka isandla emhlane, asisonge kahle. Konke okumbamba ngokomzimba kuyamqinisekisa. Lokhu “kubamba”, njengoba uWinnicott ekubiza kanjalo, kungokwengqondo kakhulu njengoba kungokomzimba. Zonke izenzo ezincane ezizungeze ukuncelisa ibele, ukuzilungisa, ukukushintsha, indlela umama aphatha ngayo umzimba wengane yakhe ngesikhathi emnakekela, zibalulekile, njengolimi. Ukubukeka, amagama, ukumamatheka okushintshiwe ngalezi zikhathi ndawonye kubalulekile. Kulezi zikhathi zokwabelana, ngamunye uba isibuko somunye. Inqubo yemini nobusuku, ukudla okumnandi, ukugeza, ukuphuma okubuya ngezikhathi ezithile ngesikhathi esifanayo kuvumela ingane ukuthi ithole izimpawu zendawo futhi ivikeleke ngokwanele ukuba iqale ukuvulela umhlaba oyizungezile.