Ukukhala kwengane okudabukisayo kungase kube nezisusa eziningi ezihlukene: ukukhathala, ukoma, ukuzizwa engaphilile, edinga ukunakwa abantu abadala ... Umsebenzi wabazali ukuqonda isizathu futhi, okubaluleke kakhulu, ukuyifundisa ukulawula imizwa yayo. Ngokusho kwesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uGuy Winch, ingane eneminyaka emine ubudala iyakwazi ukususa amanothi ahlabayo enkulumeni yayo. Ungamsiza kanjani akwenze?
Izingane ezincane zifunda ukukhononda phakathi neminyaka zingakhuluma ngemisho egcwele, noma ngaphambi kwalokho. Abanye bawuqeda lo mkhuba ngebanga lokuqala noma lesibili, kanti abanye bawugcina isikhathi eside. Kunoma yikuphi, bambalwa abantu abaseduze abakwazi ukumelana nalokhu kukhwifa okukhathazayo isikhathi eside.
Ngokuvamile abazali basabela kanjani kukho? Iningi licela noma lifuna endodaneni (indodakazi) ukuthi iyeke ngokushesha ukwenza izinto. Noma babonisa ukucasuka ngazo zonke izindlela, kodwa lokhu akunakwenzeka ukuvimbela ingane ukuba ikhononde uma isesimweni esibi, uma ithukuthele, ikhathele, ilambile noma ingazizwa kahle.
Kunzima ngengane yasenkulisa ukulawula ukuziphatha kwayo, kodwa lapho ineminyaka emithathu noma emine, isivele ikwazi ukusho amagama afanayo ngezwi elincane elikhalayo. Umbuzo kuphela ukuthi angamenza kanjani ashintshe iphimbo lakhe.
Ngenhlanhla, kukhona iqhinga elilula abazali abangalisebenzisa ukuze bakhiphe ingane yabo kulokhu kuziphatha okunyanyekayo. Abantu abadala abaningi bayazi ngale nqubo, kodwa ngokuvamile bayahluleka lapho bezama ukuyisebenzisa, ngoba abahambisani nesimo esibaluleke kakhulu: ebhizinisini lokubeka imingcele nokuguqula imikhuba, kufanele sibe ne-100% enengqondo futhi engaguquki.
Izinyathelo ezinhlanu zokumisa ukukhala
1. Noma nini lapho ingane yakho iphenduka inhlebo, yisho ngokumomotheka (ukubonisa ukuthi awuthukuthele), “Ngiyaxolisa, kodwa izwi lakho liyacwebezela manje kangangokuthi izindlebe zami azizwakali kahle. Ngakho ngicela ukusho futhi ngezwi elikhulu lomfana/lentombazane.”
2. Uma ingane iqhubeka nokububula, beka isandla sakho endlebeni yakho bese uphinda ngokumomotheka: “Ngiyazi ukuthi kukhona okushoyo, kodwa izindlebe zami ziyenqaba ukusebenza. Ngicela usho okufanayo ngezwi elikhulu lentombazane/lomfana?”
3. Uma ingane ishintsha iphimbo ishintshe iphimbo ibe ngencane, yithi, “Manje sengiyakuzwa. Ngiyabonga ngokukhuluma nami njengentombazane/umfana omkhulu.” Futhi qiniseka ukuphendula isicelo sakhe. Noma ngisho into efana nokuthi, "Izindlebe zami ziyajabula uma usebenzisa izwi lakho lentombazane/umfana."
4. Uma ingane yakho isakhononda ngemva kwezicelo ezimbili, phakamisa amahlombe akho bese ufulathela, ungayinaki izicelo zakhe kuze kube yilapho eveza isifiso sakhe ngaphandle kokukhononda.
5. Uma ukuhayiza kuphenduka ukukhala okukhulu, yithi, “Ngifuna ukukuzwa—ngiyafuna ngempela. Kodwa izindlebe zami zidinga usizo. Badinga ukuthi ukhulume ngezwi elikhulu lomfana/lentombazane.” Uma ubona ukuthi ingane izama ukushintsha iphimbo futhi ikhulume ngokuzolile, buyela esinyathelweni sesithathu.
Umgomo wakho uwukuthuthukisa kancane kancane ukuziphatha okuhlakaniphile, ngakho kubalulekile ukugubha futhi uklomelise noma yimiphi imizamo yangaphambi kwesikhathi engxenyeni yengane yakho.
Izimo Ezibalulekile
1. Ukuze le nqubo isebenze, wena nomlingani wakho (uma unalo) kufanele nihlale niphendula ngendlela efanayo kuze kube yilapho umkhuba wengane ushintsha. Uma uphikelela futhi uzinzile, lokhu kuzokwenzeka ngokushesha.
2. Ukuze ugweme izingxabano zamandla nengane yakho, zama ukugcina ithoni yakho izolile, ngisho nangokunokwenzeka, futhi uyikhuthaze noma nini lapho wenza isicelo.
3. Qiniseka ukuthi uyayisekela imizamo yakhe ngamazwi okuvuma ashiwo kanye (njengasezibonelweni ezivela ephuzwini lesi-3).
4. Ungakhanseli izimfuno zakho futhi unganciphisi okulindele lapho ubona ukuthi ingane iqala ukwenza imizamo yokungabi nangqondo. Qhubeka umkhumbuza ngezicelo zakho zokuthi "ubukhulu kangakanani" kuze kube yilapho iphimbo lakhe selincipha kakhulu.
5. Lapho usabela ngokuzola, kuyoba lula ngengane ukuba igxile emsebenzini osuwenzile. Uma kungenjalo, ngokuqaphela ukusabela okungokomzwelo ekukhaleni kwabo, ingane yasenkulisa ingase iqinise umkhuba omubi.
Mayelana nombhali: UGuy Winch uyisazi sokusebenza kwengqondo esisemtholampilo, ilungu le-American Psychological Association, nombhali wezincwadi ezimbalwa, enye yazo ethi Psychological First Aid (Medley, 2014).