Okuqukethwe
Ungaba kanjani umamezala ngaphambi kokuba ngumama?
Uma sekuyisikhathi sokulala nesithandwa sakhe, uJessica kufanele avuke ukuze alungisele izingane zesithandwa sakhe esisha isidlo sasekuseni. Njengaye, izintombi eziningi zithandana nowesilisa osevele ungubaba. Bavame ukudela ukunethezeka kokuphila njengombhangqwana “ongenabantwana” nakuba bona bengakabi ngumama. Empeleni, bahlala emndenini oxubile futhi kufanele bamukelwe izingane. Akulula ngaso sonke isikhathi.
Ukuba umlingani omusha kanye nosingamama ngesikhathi esifanayo
“Mina ‘ngingumamezala’ womfana oneminyaka emibili nohhafu njengoba besho. Ubudlelwano bami naye buhamba kahle kakhulu, uyathandeka. Ngokushesha ngathola indawo yami ngokugcina indima ethize ejabulisayo: Ngimtshela izindaba, sipheka ndawonye. Okunzima ukuhlala naye ukubona ukuthi, noma engithanda, lapho edabukile, uyangenqaba futhi abize uyise, ”kufakaza u-Emilie, oneminyaka emi-2. Kuchwepheshe uCatherine Audibert, konke kuwumbuzo wokubekezela. Abathathu abakhiwe umlingani omusha, ingane kanye nobaba, kumele bathole isivinini sabo sokuhamba ukuze babe umndeni ohlangene ngokwakho. Akulula njengoba kubonakala. “Ukuhlelwa kabusha komkhaya ngokuvamile kudala izinkinga phakathi kombhangqwana naphakathi kukasingamzali nomntwana. Ngisho noma umngane omusha enza konke okusemandleni ukuze kuhambe kahle, ubhekana neqiniso, ngokuvamile elihluke kakhulu kulokho abekucabanga. Konke kuzoncika kulokho abhekana nakho ebuntwaneni bakhe, nabazali bakhe. Uma ehlushwa ubaba onegunya noma isehlukaniso esinzima, izinhlungu zesikhathi esidlule zizovuselelwa ngokuhlelwa komndeni omusha, ikakhulukazi nezingane zomngane wakhe, ”kusho udokotela wengqondo.
Ukuthola indawo yakho emndenini ohlanganisiwe
Umbuzo owodwa ohlupha laba besifazane ikakhulukazi: yiliphi iqhaza okufanele babe nalo ngengane yomlingani wabo? “Ngaphezu kwakho konke, kumele ubekezele ukuze wakhe ubuhlobo obuqinile nengane yomunye. Akufanele siphoqelele ngesihluku indlela yokufundisa, noma sibe sengxabanweni engapheli. Iseluleko: wonke umuntu kumele athathe isikhathi sakhe ukuze athaye. Akumele sikhohlwe ukuthi izingane sezike zaphila, zathola imfundo kunina noyise ngaphambi kokuhlukana. Umkhwekazi omusha kuzofanele abhekane naleli qiniso kanye nemikhuba esele isunguliwe. Enye into ebalulekile: konke kuzoxhomeka kulokho okushiwo yilo wesifazane engqondweni yengane. Akumelwe sikhohlwe ukuthi kuthatha indawo entsha enhliziyweni kayise. Yahamba kanjani isehlukaniso, ingabe “unesibopho” kuso? Ibhalansi yomndeni umamazala afuna ukuyisungula nayo izoncika endimeni abenayo, noma cha, ekuhlukaniseni abazali bengane, ”kuchaza uchwepheshe. Ukushintsha indlu, isigqi, umbhede ... ingane ngezinye izikhathi iba nenkinga yokuphila ngendlela ehlukile ngaphambi kwesehlukaniso. Ukwamukela ukuza emzini kayise, uthole ukuthi “unesithandwa” esisha akulula enganeni. Kungase kuthathe isikhathi eside. Ngezinye izikhathi izinto zihamba kabi, isibonelo, uma umkhwekazi ecela ingane ukuba yenze okuthile, ingane ingase iphendule ngezwi eliphansi "ukuthi akuyena unina". Umbhangqwana kufanele ube munye futhi ungaguquguquki esikhundleni sawo ngalesi sikhathi. “Impendulo efanele iwukuchazela izingane ukuthi empeleni akuyena umama wazo, kodwa ngumuntu omdala oyisithenjwa ohlala noyise futhi owakha umbhangqwana omusha. Ubaba nomngane wakhe omusha kufanele baphendule ngezwi elifanayo ezinganeni. Kubalulekile nangesikhathi esizayo, uma beke baba nengane ndawonye. Zonke izingane kufanele zithole imfundo efanayo, izingane ezivela kwinyunyana yangaphambili, nalabo abavela kwinyunyana entsha, "kusho uchwepheshe.
Kowesifazane ongakabi umama, yini eshintshayo?
Abesifazane abasebasha abakhetha ukuphila komkhaya lapho bengakabi nengane, bazophila okuhlangenwe nakho okuzwela okuhluke kakhulu ezintwenimbi zabo embhangqwaneni ongenabantwana. “Owesifazane ofika empilweni yowesilisa osekhulile oseke waba nezingane uqala alahle ithemba ngokuba ngowokuqala ukumzala. Ngeke aphile “i-honeymoon” yemibhangqwana esanda kwakhiwa, ecabanga ngabo kuphela. Khonamanjalo, indoda isanda kuhlukana futhi izokhumbula yonke into ethinta izingane eduze noma kude. Akakho ebudlelwaneni bothando obungu-100%, ”kuchaza uCatherine Audibert. Abanye besifazane bangase bazizwe beshiywe ngaphandle ezintweni ezibakhathazayo eziyinhloko zophathina babo. “Laba besifazane abangakaze babe ngumama, bekhetha indoda evele ingubaba, empeleni yilobaba obayengayo. Ngokuvamile, ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwami njenge-psychoanalyst, ngiyaqaphela ukuthi laba baba-abangane "bangcono" kunobaba ababenaye ebuntwaneni babo. Babona kuye izimfanelo zoyise abazazisayo, abazifunela bona ngokwabo. Uyindoda "efanele" ngendlela, njengomuntu ongase abe "ophelele" wezingane ezizayo abazoba nazo ndawonye ", kubonisa ukuncipha. Abaningi balaba besifazane empeleni bacabanga ngosuku lapho beyofuna ukuba nengane nomngane wabo. Umama ukhuluma ngalomuzwa obucayi: “Ukunakekela izingane zakhe kungenza ngilangazelele ukuba nezingane zami, ngaphandle kokuthi umngane wami womshado akakalungeli ukuqala kabusha. Ngiphinde ngizibuze imibuzo eminingi ngokuthi izingane zakhe zizomamukela kanjani uma sezikhulile. Ngokomzwelo wemvelo, ngivame ukucabanga ukuthi lapho izingane zisondelana, kuyoba ngcono kungane yakini eyingxube. Nginovalo lokuthi le ngane esanda kuzalwa ngeke yamukelwe ngempela obhuti bayo ngoba bazoba negebe elikhulu. Akukabi okwakusasa, kodwa ngiyavuma ukuthi kuyangiphazamisa ”, kufakaza u-Aurélie, owesifazane osemusha oneminyaka engama-27, embhangqwaneni onendoda noyise wezingane ezimbili.
Kwamukele ukuthi lo ahamba naye usenawo umndeni
Kwabanye besifazane, ukuphila komndeni kwamanje okungakhathaza ngephrojekthi yesikhathi esizayo yombhangqwana. “Empeleni okungiphatha kabi wukuthi umuntu wami ekugcineni uzoba nemindeni emibili. Njengoba ayeshadile, useke wabhekana nokukhulelwa komunye wesifazane, wazi kahle ukuthi kufanele anakekele kanjani ingane. Kungazelelwe, ngizizwa nginesizungu kancane lapho sifuna ukuba nomntwana. Ngesaba ukuqhathaniswa, ukwenza okubi kakhulu kunaye noma owayengunkosikazi wakhe. Futhi ngaphezu kwakho konke, ngobugovu, bengingathanda ukwakha umndeni wethu waba-3. Ngezinye izikhathi ngiba nomuzwa wokuthi indodana yakhe ifana nesigebengu phakathi kwethu. Kunobunzima obuhlobene nesondlo, imali yesondlo, angizange ngicabange ukuthi ngibhekene nakho konke lokho ! », Kufakaza u-Stéphanie, 31, ebuhlotsheni nendoda, uyise womfana omncane. Kukhona ezinye izinzuzo, Nokho, ngokusho psychotherapist. Lapho umkhwekazi eba umama ngesikhathi sakhe, uzokwamukela izingane zakhe ngokuthula, emndenini osuvele usungulwe. Uzobe esehlala nezingane ezincane futhi uzobe esethole ulwazi lokuzala. Okuwukuphela kovalo abanalo laba besifazane ukuthi abawufezi umsebenzi wabo. Njengalabo abaqala ukuba omama.