Yiqiniso, abazali babonisa ukunakekela nothando olunjalo, siyavuma, kungaba kuhle ukubalalela. Kodwa ngaso sonke isikhathi lapho kuzwakala imiyalo yomama, ngifuna ukwenza okuphambene. Iqiniso?
Uchwepheshe wethu uTatiana Pavlova, PhD in Psychology, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo.
“Gqoka isigqoko sakho. Geza izitsha ngaso leso sikhathi. Hlala phansi udle, njll. ” Kubonakala sengathi ukukhathazeka okunjalo okuthinta inhliziyo kufanele kujabulise kuphela. Kodwa ngasizathu simbe ngifuna ukuvungama into ethi “yebo, nami ngiyazi lokho” kunoma yimiphi imiyalo kamama, njengasebuntwaneni. Phela sesibadala kudala sizikhulisela izingane. Kungani singeke sikumele ukubuswa? Ngoba noma yiziphi iziqondiso zibonakala zisilulaza, ikhono lethu lokwenza izinqumo, ukukhetha, njll.
"Ngizoba nezinkinga zakho." Ukubukela phansi ukubaluleka kwenkinga kuyamhlukumeza ngokwanele umuntu ngoba kwehlisa imizwa yakhe. Kunoma ibuphi ubudala, izinkinga ezingokomzwelo zingaba zimbi futhi zingaphazamisa kakhulu futhi ziphazamise. Futhi iphuzu alikho kumongo wenkinga, kodwa kulwazi lwalo lokuziphendulela. Isibonelo, umuntu oyedwa ngeke athintwe ukuhlolwa okungalungile kokubukeka kwakhe, kanti omunye uzokwenziwa akhathazeke isikhathi eside.
"Sewudlile? Ukhohlwe ukuphuza iphilisi? Lapho uphumela emgwaqweni, qaphela! “ Imibuzo elula nedingekayo iwusizo kakhulu “kubantwana” abangenangqondo noma abanganakile. Kodwa eqinisweni, uma abazali befuna ukukhulisa umuntu ozimele, udinga ukumethemba ngokwengeziwe futhi umfundise ukuhlela kusukela ebuntwaneni. Ngaphezu kwalokho, imibuzo ephazamisayo iyesabeka, ngokunganaki thina ngokwethu sitheleleka ngalokhu kukhathazeka, futhi siba nokungakhululeki, ukungakhululeki.
"Uma uhlanganisa iminyaka engu-18, ..." (uzophatha isikhathi sakho; uzokwenza okufunayo, njll.) Lesi sicaphuno siqondiswe endodaneni noma endodakazini yobusha, inkathi ngokomgomo wenhlekelele futhi edinga ukunemba emazwini nasezenzweni zabantu abadala. Ngalesi sikhathi, ingane idlula esigabeni sokuzazi emphakathini omdala, ayizizwa ingane, kodwa umuntu omdala, ekulungele ukwenza izinqumo. Abazali baphinde bakhumbuze iminyaka encane yenzalo yabo. Bathi, osemusha angabheka la mazwi njengokungazethembi kuze kube yilapho eseneminyaka engu-18 engakabi umuntu, ephansi. Futhi leli binzana lidala umbhikisho wangaphakathi onamandla.
"Ima, akukuwe manje." Cishe eminyakeni engu-7, ingane iqala enye inkinga engokwengqondo, umgomo oyinhloko ukwakhiwa kwezenhlalakahle "I". Lesi sikhathi ngokuvamile siqondana nokuqala kwesikole. Enkulisa, ingane yayihlala futhi ixhumana ngokuvumelana nemithetho efanayo, kodwa kungazelelwe okuthile kwashintsha, futhi bafuna ukuziphatha okuhluke ngokuphelele kuye. Yini kuze kube manje abantu abadala abathintwayo manje kubangela ukunganeliseki: awukwazi ukuziphatha kanjalo, awukwazi ukukhuluma kanjalo, njll. Ingane ingakwazi ukulungisa ukudideka okunjalo kuphela uma ithatha isibonelo kubazali bayo, futhi ingabashiyi ngomzuzu, ulalela ngokucophelela, ezama ukuxhumana njengabantu abalinganayo. Ngokumelene nalesi sizinda, inkulumo ethi “Linda, manje akusekho kuwe” ingalimaza kakhulu indodana noma indodakazi, isunduze, iqinise umuzwa wokungabalulekile komuntu siqu nesizungu. Kubaluleke kakhulu kusukela ebuntwaneni ukukhombisa ingane ukubaluleka kwayo, ukunaka.
“Abakubuzanga. Sizokuthola ngaphandle kwakho. “ Enye inkulumo evamile ebonisa ukuthi emndenini ingane ayibhekwa njengomuntu, umbono wakhe awusho lutho. Ishaya ukuzethemba nokuzihlonipha. Khona-ke ingane iyakhula, kodwa izakhiwo zihlala.
“Ngaya ngokushesha ngiyokwenza umsebenzi wami wesikole.” Abazali baphoqa abafundi abangazimisele ukuba benze umsebenzi wabo wesikole. Ukubhalwa kwamagama akukona okokufundisa, kungasho noma yimuphi uthisha. Kodwa emindenini enenzalo evilaphayo, engenandaba nolwazi, izwakala kaningi. Kodwa ukwengezwa kwegama elithi "ngokushesha" kunoma yisiphi isiqondiso kubangela ukujabula, okuyize, ukungezwani nokuphikisana kwangaphakathi emphefumulweni - ufuna ukwenza yonke into ngokuphambene nalokho. Ngakho-ke ukubekezela okwengeziwe kubazali nobumnene ngamazwi - futhi umphumela uzoba mkhulu.
“Ungayi lapho ungabuzwanga khona.” Lesi sisho singathinta ukubaluleka kwakho, kubangele ukukhathazeka nokucasuka kumuntu ongavikelekile. Ngendlela, amagama anjalo angazwakala kuphela emndenini phakathi kwabazali nezingane, kodwa futhi embuthanweni wabangane, eqenjini lomsebenzi. Ngaphezu kokudelela, akukho lutho kulokhu okushiwo, susa inkulumo, noma ngabe ujwayele ukuyizwa kusukela ebuntwaneni.
“Ungahlakaniphi!” Njengomthetho, ukuphawula kuyadida, ngoba kaningi sifuna ngempela ukusiza, sizama ukunikeza iseluleko esihle, futhi singabonisi ukuqaphela kwethu. Abanqobile yilabo bazali, kusukela ebuntwaneni, babone ubuntu kumntwana futhi balalele ngenhlonipho umbono wakhe.
"Nginezinkinga eziningi ngaphandle kwakho, nawe..."… Amagama adala umuzwa wecala ongenazithelo. Ingane ayiqondi ukuthi kungani ijeziswa ngokwenqaba ukuxhumana nayo, futhi izizwa ngempela leli cala. Siyaqonda ukuthi leli binzana likhuluma ngesimo semizwa, ukuzikhandla ngokweqile, ukushuba kwemizwelo yesikhulumi. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi kunzima kangakanani, abantu abadala kudingeka bakwazi ukubamba imizwelo yabo futhi bangayiphonsi kwababathandayo.