Uthando olungenamibandela lungaba indlela yokuthanda omunye ngokuphelele, yokumamukela njengoba enjalo, ngaphandle kokungabaza kanye namaphutha akhe nezimfanelo zakhe. Lolu thando luvame ukubizwa ngokuthi yilolo olugcinelwe izingane zomuntu, ngakho akuvamile ukunikeza uthando olunjalo kumuntu, phakathi kwabashadile. Luyini uthando olungenamkhawulo? Ingabe kunenzuzo? Yiziphi izingozi zokungalingani?

Okokuqala, kunezinhlobo ezimbalwa zobudlelwano lapho uthando lungavezwa khona:

• ubudlelwano bomzali nengane;
• izibopho zomfowethu nodadewabo;
• izibopho umbhangqwana.

Kuzo zonke lezi zibopho, izinhlobo ezimbili zothando zingavela: uthando olunemibandela kanye nothando olungenamibandela.

Othandweni olunemibandela, unikeza uthando lwakho “ngokushintshisana” ngokuthile, ngokuqaphela noma ngokungazi. Kungaba ikhwalithi engavamile ebonwa kwenye, noma induduzo yezinto ezibonakalayo, noma uthando, ukunaka, isikhathi esichithiwe. Ikhwalithi yalolu thando iphansi kakhulu kunelothando olungenamibandela, kusukela lapha, uthando "luthengiswa", ngisho nangaphandle kokukhuluma. Silahlekelwa obuningi bobuhle bothando, oluvame ukuba mahhala futhi ngaphandle kokulindela ukubuya.

Othandweni olungenamibandela, sinikeza uthando lwethu ngaphandle kwanoma yimuphi umkhawulo noma ukulindela ukubuyiselwa. Kunzima kakhulu ukukusebenzisa, kodwa kucebile kakhulu ukuphila nokufeza. Kungumbuzo lapha wokwamukela omunye ewonke, namaphutha akhe nezimfanelo zakhe, ngaphandle kokufuna ukumshintsha. Singakuthanda kothile ukuhlakanipha kwakhe, umusa wakhe, ukupha kwakhe ... Kodwa ukuthanda lo muntu ngaphandle kwemibandela kwenza kube nokwenzeka ukuba athande nokukhuluphala kwakhe okungeyona nenhle kakhulu, ukuthambekela kwakhe ukuhlala edindilizile kusofa, noma ngisho nezinto zakhe ezincane zansuku zonke. Uma uthanda umuntu ngaphandle kwemibandela, uthethelela kakhulu, futhi noma kuziwa ezindabeni ezinkulu, njengokungathembeki, noma ezinye iziphambeko zokuziphatha.

Ngokuvamile kumayelana nothando esinalo ngengane yethu, kukho konke ukuphila kwethu, kodwa lungaba khona phakathi kwendoda nowesifazane embhangqwaneni.

Uthando oluphila ngokuphelele, ukuzinikela, uthando olujulile futhi olungenakuqedwa kalula. Uthando lwezothando. Akukho okulindelekile ngokubuyisela, futhi yilapho ubuhle nobumsulwa balolu thando bulele khona. Nokho, kungase kube nobuhlungu kulokhu kungenamingcele, ikakhulukazi uma othandekayo ehlukumeza lolu thando olungenamibandela.

Singakuthanda kanjani ngaphandle kwemibandela ngaphandle kokuhlupheka?

Odokotela, odokotela bengqondo nodokotela bengqondo babonakala bethi uthando olungenamibandela ngomuntu ongeyona ingane yakhe luhumusha ukuntula uthando nokuzethemba. Ngempela, ukuthethelela yonke into ngaphandle kwemingcele kumuntu nokufuna ukuhlangabezana nazo zonke izidingo zakhe ngaphandle kokucela noma yini njengembuyiselo kubonisa ukuzidelela okujulile.

Khona-ke uthando olungenamingcele lulimaza kakhulu, ngoba azisekho izithiyo eziqinisekisa ukuhlonishwa komuntu siqu, ngobuntu bakhe. Lapho sivumela omunye ukuba enze amaphutha okuziphatha noma asiphathe kabi, ngaphandle kokusuka kude naye, simbonisa isithombe esilulazayo ngathi. Ngokuyeka izizathu ezisobala zokuhlukana ezimweni ezivamile, sithumela lo mlayezo komunye singanakile: “ngenzela konke okubi okufunayo, ngizohlala nawe njalo. Lolu hlobo lobudlelwano-ke alunampilo kakhulu, futhi ngokuvamile luphenduka isibopho esibi, phakathi komshushisi noshushiswayo.

Ngaphandle kokungena ngempela ebuhlotsheni obukhohlakele, kuyohlale kunokungalingani ebudlelwaneni lapho oyedwa walaba bantu ababili ethanda ngaphandle kwemibandela, kuyilapho omunye engakwenzi.

Le asymmetry izoholela ekuhluphekeni ezinhlangothini zombili: labo abathanda kakhulu bazohlupheka ngenxa yokungathandwa ezingeni elifanayo; othola uthando olungenamibandela uzohlushwa “ukucindezelwa” uthando lomunye, ekubeni ukuphela komthombo wokwaneliseka.

Kukhona-ke ukuncika, nokuqala kokubhujiswa kobudlelwane, lapho isithandwa esingenamibandela singakwazi ukuchuma futhi sithole ezinye izinto ezifeziwe ngaphandle kobudlelwane.

Ngakho-ke, ukuze bahlale belinganisela, umbhangqwana kumelwe uthandane ngokulinganayo futhi uhloniphe ukuzimela komunye nomunye.

Ekuqaleni, ubuchopho bethu benzelwe ukuthanda ngaphandle kwemibandela. Futhi yilokho okwenzeka ekuqaleni kobudlelwane bothando: inkanuko, singaphakathi ngokuphelele, ubumsulwa besibopho, ngokoqobo "sithatha" konke okunye, ngisho namaphutha ayo amancane. Khona-ke, ezinyangeni ezimbalwa noma eminyakeni embalwa kamuva, ubuchopho bethu “obunengqondo” buthatha izintambo, futhi uma sithwala ukusekelwa okuncane kakhulu kwamaphutha abonakala ngokucacile omlingani wethu, kuwukugqashuka.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uthando olugcina lusikhombisa ukuthi, noma ngokuqaphela amaphutha omunye, siyabathanda, futhi ngezinye izikhathi size sibe nobubele kubo. Nokho, imingcele icacile: ubuchopho bethu buhlala buqaphile kuyilapho obunye bungeqi umugqa. Iphutha elibi kakhulu lokuziphatha futhi lokho kungaba ukuqhekeka.

Ngakho-ke uthando olungenamibandela lungaba isinyathelo okufanele sibonwe futhi sithathwe kumbhangqwana, inhlansi evumela isiqalo esihle sothando. Kodwa ukuze uphile uthando olunempilo nolulinganiselayo, lolu thando kufanele luguquke, ngenxa yokuxhumana, uzwela nenhlonipho.

Labo abahlala esimweni sabathandi abangenamibandela bahlala besesimweni sobungane kakhulu: bayenqaba ukukhula, futhi baguquke endleleni yabo yothando. Ngempela, ukuncika komunye ngokumnika konke ukuzinikela kwakhe nokuguquguquka othandweni, kufana nokuzinikela komntwana omncane kubazali bakhe, angeke akwazi ukuphatha ngaphandle kwabo.

Isithandwa esingenamibandela kufanele-ke sizenzele umsebenzi othile, ngokunokwenzeka ekwelapheni, ukuze sicwile ekuzihloleni ezingeni lobuntwana bakhe, noma sichaze kabusha izidingo zaso kanye nokuntula othandweni. Sibe sesifunda, siphuma othandweni olungenamibandela, ukuxoxisana okuvuthiwe nabanye, ukuxhumana, nothando ngaphandle kokuhlasela noma ukuminyanisa omunye othandweni olungenankululeko noma ukwaneliseka okwabiwe.