Amanethiwekhi okungezwani: yini esiyilindele kochwepheshe bezengqondo ku-inthanethi?

Ukuzama ukukhetha uchwepheshe ofanele, sivame ukunaka indlela azibeka ngayo ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Abanye bakhangwa izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ezikhuluma ngobuqotho nangenjabulo ngokuphila kwabo. Futhi othile, ngokuphambene nalokho, uyabaqaphela abantu abanjalo, ekhetha ukusebenza nomelaphi ongagcini i-Instagram noma i-Facebook.

Emaqenjini amaklayenti ahlushwe ochwepheshe abangathembekile, bavame ukuphikisana ngokuthi isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo (eqinisweni, ongumuntu ofanayo nathi sonke) unelungelo lokwabelana ngezithombe zomndeni, iresiphi yephayi eliyintandokazi, noma ingoma entsha yomculi oyintandokazi ezinkundleni zokuxhumana. Sinqume ukuthola ukuthi ochwepheshe bethu bacabangani ngalokhu - isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Anastasia Dolganova kanye nochwepheshe wezokwelapha zesikhashana esifushane, isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo u-Anna Reznikova.

Ukukhanya efasiteleni

Kungani sivame ukubheka isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo njengomuntu wasezulwini? Mhlawumbe lokhu kuyingxenye yokuthuthukiswa kwesayensi: emakhulwini ambalwa eminyaka edlule, udokotela owayekwazi ukuhlanganisa amathambo noma akhiphe izinyo wayebhekwa njengomlingo. Futhi ngisho nokwesaba okuncane. Namuhla, ngakolunye uhlangothi, asimangazi kancane ngezimangaliso zemithi, ngakolunye uhlangothi, sithembela ngokuphelele kochwepheshe, sikholelwa ukuthi banesibopho senhlalakahle yethu.

"Ngokombono we-psychotherapist njengomlingo omubi noma omuhle, safika embonweni we-psychotherapist njenge-colossus, inhloso ongathembela kuyo empilweni yakho ebuthakathaka," kuchaza u-Anastasia Dolganova. - Isidingo seklayenti salokhu sikhulu njengokungakwazi kochwepheshe bezengqondo nama-psychotherapist ukuhlangabezana nalezi zifiso ...

Ngaphandle komsebenzi, kunenganekwane yonke mayelana nokuthi i-psychotherapist kufanele futhi akufanele ibe khona, kokubili njengochwepheshe nanjengomuntu. Isibonelo: ungamtshela konke, futhi uzokwamukela konke, ngoba ungumlaphi. Akumele angithukuthelele, angabi luhlaza, angadinwa ngami. Akufanele akhulume ngaye, akufanele akhuluphale, agule noma ahlukanise. Akakwazi ukuya eholidini uma ngigula. Akakwazi ukumelana neqiniso lokuthi ngithatha ukubonisana nomunye uchwepheshe. Kufanele athande yonke imizwa nezinqumo zami - njalo njalo.

Kwesinye isikhathi siyadumala kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ngezinto ezingalindelekile ngokuphelele - futhi kude nazo zonke zihlobene, empeleni, nokusebenza. Isibonelo, iklayenti liyenqaba ukusebenza nomelaphi ngenxa yokuthi “alifani nezemidlalo”, futhi iklayenti liphazamisa imihlangano ngemva kwamaseshini amathathu ngenxa yokuthi ihhovisi likachwepheshe alihlelekile kahle. Wonke umuntu unelungelo lemibono yakhe mayelana nobuhle, kodwa ngisho nochwepheshe akakwazi njalo ukubikezela ukuthi yini ezoba yimbangela yeklayenti. Futhi bobabili bangalimala kulesi simo, futhi kabi kakhulu.

Kodwa i-charm kufanele futhi isingathwe ngokuqapha okukhulu. Kwenzeka ukuthi abasebenzisi bezingosi zokuxhumana bathakazelisa kakhulu izithombe zesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo emncintiswaneni wesithuthuthu, bekanye nogogo wabo othandekayo noma amakati, kangangokuthi bafuna ukufika kuye futhi kuye kuphela. Le ndlela yeklayenti ikhombisa ukuthini kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo?

“Uma ikhasimende likhetha umelaphi ngokweqiniso lokuthi lisabhala ngempilo yalo, kungaba kuhle sikhulume ngalokhu esimisweni. Ngokuvamile, le ndlela ifihla amaphupho amaningi ngisho nobuhlungu beklayenti, okungaxoxwa ngakho, "kusho u-Anna Reznikova.

U-Anastasia Dolganova uyakhumbula: “Cishe omunye wemibono engaqondwa kahle, kokubili izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ngokwazo kanye namakhasimende azo, ukuthi ukwelapha kwengqondo, empeleni, kusebenza ngokuyinhloko. Lokhu akuyona impilo efanelekile futhi akubona abantu abafanelekile. Lona umsebenzi onzima, futhi i-halo yothando noma yamademoni iphazamisa kuphela.

Ukwazi noma ukungazi - lowo ngumbuzo!

Abanye abangase babe amaklayenti bahlola uchwepheshe ngokuthi ukhuluma iqiniso kangakanani ku-inthanethi. Hlobo luni lwemizwa etholwa umuntu ngokuyisisekelo ongafuni ukwazi lutho ngochwepheshe njengomuntu futhi akhethe isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo ngokwesimiso esithi "uma ungekho ku-Facebook, kusho ukuthi nakanjani uchwepheshe omuhle"?

“Angifuni ukwazi lutho ngawe” kusho ukuthi “Ngifuna ube umuntu ofanelekayo,” kuchaza u-Anastasia Dolganova. - Ngisho nama-psychoanalysts, ukungabikho kokuzidalula isikhathi eside kube yingxenye ebalulekile yezobuchwepheshe, manje abasiphathi lesi simiso ngokwezigaba. Umuntu ophile kahle ngokwengqondo nangokwengqondo uyakwazi ukubekezelela omunye umuntu eduze kwakhe ngaphandle kokumqonda kahle - futhi lokhu kuyingxenye yokukhula nokuthuthukiswa, imisebenzi okuzoyiphishekela noma iyiphi i-psychotherapy ejulile.

Umsebenzi uyingxenye yobuntu kuphela. Ngemuva kwanoma yimuphi uchwepheshe kukhona ukunqoba kanye nokuhlangenwe nakho, amaphutha kanye nokunqoba, ubuhlungu nenjabulo. Angawathanda ngempela ama-wacky comedies, feelinging kanye nokudoba eqhweni. Futhi bhala ngakho - futhi. Ngakho-ke kufanele ubhalisele izibuyekezo zomelaphi wakho? Isinqumo, njengenjwayelo, ngesethu.

"Umuntu angase angafuni ukuba nolwazi olujulile ngomelaphi wakhe, njengoba nje engase angafuni ukuba nolwazi olunjalo nganoma yimuphi omunye umuntu kuze kube yilapho kuqinisekiswa ubuhlobo," kuchaza u-Anastasia Dolganova. "Ngakho-ke lona akuwona umthetho okhethekile womelaphi kanye neklayenti, kodwa ukuhlonipha komuntu wonke kanye nenhlonipho ngomunye."

Izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo zibhekana kanjani nalolu daba? Futhi kungani benza ukukhetha okuthile?

"Angibhalisi umelaphi wami ezinkundleni zokuxhumana, ngoba kimina kumayelana nemingcele - eyami kanye nomunye umuntu," kuphawula u-Anna Reznikova. Ngaphandle kwalokho, ngingase ngibe nemicabango engaphazamisa umsebenzi wethu. Lokhu akukhona ukwesaba noma ukwehla: sinobudlelwano bokusebenzisana. Kuhle kakhulu - kodwa kusasebenza. Futhi kulezi zici, angifuni ukwazi lutho ngochwepheshe wami, njengoba nje ngingafuni ukuthi azi okuthile okuqondene nami. Phela, mhlawumbe angikalungeli ukumtshela konke ... "

Izingozi nemiphumela

Ukukhuluma ngokungagwegwesi ngokwedlulele kungakhanga. Futhi ngokuvamile, izinkundla zokuxhumana zenzelwe ukuzibonakalisa hhayi nje njengochwepheshe, kodwa futhi njengomuntu ophilayo. Uma kungenjalo, kungani bedingeka nhlobo, akunjalo? Akunjalo Empeleni.

“Ngahlangana nemibono ku-inthanethi enjengokuthi: “Bantu, angizange ngifunde i-psychology futhi ngiye ngokwelashwa komuntu siqu ukuze ngizikhawulele manje!” Ngiyakuqonda lokhu, kodwa ngenxa yokungagwegwesi okunjalo, ngaphezu kwesibindi nokubhikisha, sidinga okungenani uhlelo olwakhiwe kahle, oluzinzile lokusekelwa kwangaphandle nokuzisekela,” uqinisekile u-Anastasia Dolganova. "Futhi nokuqwashisa, ukugxeka lokho okubhalayo, kanye nekhono lokubikezela impendulo."

Yini ngempela engcupheni i-psychotherapist ekhuluma ngezehlakalo nezici zempilo yayo yomuntu siqu ezinkundleni zokuxhumana? Okokuqala, ukuxhumana okuthembekile, okucacile neklayenti.

“Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uNancy McWilliams sabhala: “Iziguli zibona izambulo zesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo njengokuhlehlisa indima ethusayo, njengokungathi umelaphi uvuma esigulini ngethemba lokuthi uzosithulisa,” kucashunwa u-Anna Reznikova. - Okusho ukuthi, ukugxila kokunakwa kusuka kuklayenti kuye komelaphi, futhi ngale ndlela bashintsha izindawo. Futhi i-psychotherapy ihilela ukuhlukaniswa okucacile kwezindima: ineklayenti kanye nochwepheshe. Futhi lokho kucaciseleka kunikeza indawo ephephile yokuthi amaklayenti ahlole imizwa yawo.”

Ngaphezu kwalokho, singakwazi ukwahlulela ikhono lochwepheshe kusengaphambili, singaqapheli njalo umehluko phakathi kwakhe njengomuntu ochwepheshe futhi njengomuntu olula.

"Uma iklayenti liqaphela izici ezingavamile zokuphila komuntu siqu: isibonelo, ukuthi akanazo izingane noma uhlukanisile, khona-ke angeke afune ukuxoxa ngezinkinga ezifanayo nochwepheshe," kuxwayisa u-Anna Reznikova. - Umqondo ufana nalokhu: "Yebo, yini angayazi uma yena engazange azale / ahlukanisile / ashintshile?"

Kodwa kukhona nezindaba zokuphepha. Ngeshwa, izindaba ezifana nenhlekelele ye-protagonist yefilimu ethi "The Sixth Sense" ayitholakali esikrinini kuphela.

“Ngeke wazi ukuthi yini esengqondweni yekhasimende lakho noma izihlobo zalo. Kwelinye lamaqembu, ozakwabo baxoxela indaba: intombazane yaya kusazi sokusebenza kwengqondo isikhathi eside, futhi, ngokwemvelo, kwenzeka kuye izinguquko. Nomyeni wakhe akakuthandanga. Ngenxa yalokho, wathola uchwepheshe futhi waqala ukusongela abazali bakhe, "kusho u-Anna Reznikova.

Ngokuvamile, noma yini ingenzeka, futhi kunoma yikuphi, kufanelekile ukugcina ukubukeka okubucayi - hhayi kuphela kulabo abaseduze nawe, kodwa futhi kuwe. Futhi kuchwepheshe, lokhu mhlawumbe kubaluleke kakhulu kuneklayenti. Ingabe zikhona izinto uchwepheshe okungafanele azilayishe ezinkundleni zokuxhumana? Yini futhi kanjani ochwepheshe bezengqondo ngokwabo abangabhali emakhasini abo?

"Yonke into elapha ingumuntu ngamunye futhi incike ekutheni umelaphi unamathela kusiphi isiqondiso, kanye nezindinganiso zokuziphatha eziseduze naye," kusho u-Anna Reznikova. - Angithumeli izithombe zabathandekayo bami, izithombe zami ezivela emaphathini noma ezingutsheni ezingafanele, angisebenzisi ukuphenduka kwenkulumo "okuhlangene" kumazwana. Ngibhala izindaba ezivela empilweni, kodwa lena into esetshenziswa kabusha kakhulu. Iphuzu lokuthunyelwe kwami ​​akukhona ukutshela ngami, kodwa ukudlulisela kumfundi imibono ebalulekile kimina.”

"Ngeke ngithumele noma yiluphi ulwazi engilubheka njengolusondelene kakhulu kuwebhu," kusho u-Anastasia Dolganova. “Angikwenzi ngenxa yemingcele nezokuphepha. Lapho uveza okuningi ngawe, yilapho uba sengozini enkulu. Futhi ukungaziba leli qiniso ngesitayela esithi “kodwa ngizokwenza noma kunjalo, ngoba ngifuna” kuwubuwula. Abelaphi abaqalayo ngokuvamile bahlanganyela ezindabeni ezingagwegwesi ngabo. Abelaphi abanolwazi nabafunwayo bavame ukunganaki. Baveza izinto ezimayelana nabo kuphela abangazisingatha ngokugxekwa uma kwenzeka kuba nempendulo engemihle.”

Umuntu noma umsebenzi?

Siza kudokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo njengochwepheshe, kodwa noma yimuphi uchwepheshe ungowokuqala futhi ungumuntu. Kuyaqondakala noma cha, siyathanda noma cha, sinomqondo ofanayo wokuhlekisa noma cha - kodwa ingabe i-psychotherapy ingenzeka ngaphandle kokubonisa uhlangothi lwayo "lomuntu" kuklayenti?

"Impendulo incike ohlotsheni kanye nesikhathi sokwelashwa," kuchaza u-Anastasia Dolganova. - Hhayi njalo imisebenzi iklayenti elibekela umelaphi idinga ukwakha ubudlelwano obuhle ngaphakathi kwale nqubo. Eminye yemisebenzi inobuchwepheshe impela. Kodwa izicelo ezibandakanya izinguquko ezijulile zomuntu siqu noma ukusungulwa kwendawo yokuxhumana noma yobudlelwano zidinga uphenyo lwezimo ezithinta imizwa nokuziphatha eziphakama phakathi komelaphi kanye neklayenti phakathi nomsebenzi wabo ngokuhlanganyela. Esimeni esinjalo, ukuziveza komelaphi kanye nokusabela kweklayenti kukho kuba ezinye zezinto ezibalulekile zentuthuko.

Abasebenzisi bezinkundla namakhasi omphakathi anikezelwe umsebenzi wezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ngezinye izikhathi bayabhala: “Uchwepheshe kimina akayena nhlobo umuntu, akufanele akhulume ngaye futhi kumelwe agxile kimina nasezinkingeni zami kuphela.” Kodwa ingabe, ezimweni ezinjalo, asibunciphisi yini ubuntu balowo esithembela kuye emsebenzini othile kuphela? Futhi singasho yini ukuthi lokhu kubi noma kuhle ngempela?

"Akuyona into embi ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuphatha umelaphi njengomsebenzi," kusho u-Anastasia Dolganova. - Kwezinye izimo, lo mbono usindisa isikhathi namandla kokubili iklayenti kanye nesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo. Umelaphi, osevele wadlula isigaba esithi "Ngifuna ukuba umngane omkhulu nomama omuhle kuwo wonke umuntu" ekuthuthukiseni kwakhe, uphatha izimo ezinjalo, mhlawumbe ngisho nangokukhululeka okuthile. Uzicabangela okuthile okufana nokuthi: “KULUNGILE, lokhu kuzoba inqubo elula, eqondakalayo neyobuchwepheshe izinyanga ezimbalwa. Ngiyazi okumele ngikwenze, kuzoba umsebenzi omuhle.”

Ngisho noma uchwepheshe eziphatha kahle, akakwazi ukusiza kodwa asabele ngokuthi iklayenti libona isethi yezinketho kuye. Ingabe ochwepheshe baphatheke kabi lapho bethola ukuthi bangaba “isifanisi” kuphela? Ake sibabuze!

"Umelaphi onolwazi uyakwazi ukubona ukuthi ubonwa njengomsebenzi," u-Anastasia Dolganova uqinisekile. – Uma kuphazamisa umsebenzi, uyazi ukuthi enzeni ngakho. Uma lokhu konakalisa ukuphila kwakhe mathupha, unomphathi ozosiza ekubhekaneni nale mizwa. Ngicabanga ukuthi ukuveza umeluleki njengomuntu ozwela ngokweqile kungenye nje into eyeqisayo yokumveza njengosebenza kuphela.”

"Uma isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sicasulwa ukuthi iklayenti limphatha ngendlela eyodwa noma enye, lokhu kuyisizathu esengeziwe sokuyohlolwa kanye nokwelashwa komuntu siqu," kuvuma u-Anna Reznikova. Ngeke ube muhle kuwo wonke umuntu. Kodwa uma iklayenti selivele lifikile kuwe, kusho ukuthi likwethemba njengochwepheshe. Futhi lokhu kukwethemba kubaluleke kakhulu kunendlela akuphatha ngayo. Uma kukhona ukwethembana, ukusebenza ngokubambisana kuzosebenza kahle.”

Nginike incwadi yezikhalo!

Singakhononda ngalokhu noma lowo melaphi, sigxile emithethweni yokuziphatha yenhlangano noma inhlangano abambisana nayo. Kodwa-ke, awukho umbhalo ojwayelekile ogunyazwe zonke izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ongachaza inkambiso ebudlelwaneni phakathi komelaphi neklayenti ezweni lakithi.

“Manje abantu abaningi abadinga usizo bagcina sebenongoti abehlukene abaneshwa. Ngemva kokuxhumana nabo, amaklayenti angadumala ekwelapheni noma alulame isikhathi eside, kusho u-Anna Reznikova. - Ngakho-ke, ikhodi yezimiso zokuziphatha, ezochaza ngokuningiliziwe ukuthi yini engenziwa nokuthi yini engeke yenziwe, iyadingeka. Ngeshwa, akuwona wonke umuntu ongaqondiswa ukuqonda okujwayelekile: kaningi singahlangana “ochwepheshe” abangenayo imfundo eyisisekelo, amahora afanele okwelashwa komuntu siqu, ukugadwa.

Futhi njengoba ungekho “umthetho” owodwa obophezela wonke umuntu, thina, amakhasimende, sisebenzisa i-lever yethonya elifinyeleleka kakhulu kithi uma singakwazi ukuthola ubulungisa kuchwepheshe ongakwazi ukusebenza: sishiya izibuyekezo zethu kumasayithi ahlukahlukene Iwebhu. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, i-inthanethi ikhulisa kakhulu imingcele yenkululeko yokukhuluma. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, futhi kunikeza indawo yokukhohlisa: emiphakathini lapho kuyisiko ukushiya izibuyekezo mayelana nezazi zokusebenza kwengqondo, ngokuvamile singalalela uhlangothi olulodwa kuphela - olunelungelo lokukhuluma ngokwenzekile. Futhi muva nje akuwona kuphela ama-gurus angenawo amadiploma abe "satshalaliswa" ...

"Eminyakeni emithathu edlule, umongo womsebenzi wamakhomishana wokuziphatha ushintshe kakhulu," kuchaza u-Anastasia Dolganova. “Nakuba phambilini bebesebenza kakhulu ngamacala amabi okuxhashazwa kanye nokuhlukunyezwa kwamakhasimende ngabantu abangebona ochwepheshe, manje isiko lokukhononda komphakathi sekudale isimo lapho amalungu amakhomishana anjalo sekufanele achithe isikhathi esiningi efunda ngezicelo ezingenampilo nezinganele. abelaphi, abasebenzelana nokugodla ulwazi, amanga aluhlaza kanye nokunyundela. Ukuminyana okuvamile nakho kuye kwaba uphawu lwezikhathi: izikhalazo zibhalwa ngamanani angakaze abonwe ngaphambili.”

“Uma kulo msebenzi kwakhiwa izindlela zokuvikela ikhasimende: ikhodi yokuziphatha efanayo, amakhomishana okuziphatha, izinhlelo zeziqu, ukugadwa, azikho izindlela zokuvikela umelaphi. Ngaphezu kwalokho: umelaphi wokuziphatha ubophe izandla endabeni yokuzivikela kwakhe! - kusho u-Anastasia Dolganova. - Isibonelo, noma yiliphi iklayenti lesazi sokusebenza kwengqondo sikaMasha lingakwazi, kunoma iyiphi indawo futhi nganoma yisiphi isizathu, ukubhala "uMasha akayena umelaphi, kodwa i-bastard yokugcina!" Kodwa uMasha ubhala "uKolya ungumqambimanga!" akakwazi, ngoba ngale ndlela uqinisekisa iqiniso lomsebenzi wabo futhi wephula isimo sobumfihlo, okuyisihluthulelo se-psychotherapy. Okusho ukuthi, akubukeki kahle kakhulu ensimini yomphakathi. Okwamanje azikho izindlela zokusebenza zokulawula lesi simo, kodwa sekukhona izingxoxo nokucabangisisa ngalesi sihloko. Ngokunokwenzeka, okuthile okusha kuzozalwa kubo ngokuhamba kwesikhathi. ”

Ingabe kufanelekile ukulungisa ngokwehlukana izimiso ezingasiza izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo ukuthi zizulazule emhlabeni we-Intanethi, okusho ukuthi ngandlela thile ukukhuluma ngokungagwegwesi? Mhlawumbe bona ngokwabo badinga ukuvikelwa ekuguquguqukeni kwaleli zwe hhayi ngaphansi kwamakhasimende.

“Ngikholelwa ukuthi amaphuzu amasha ayadingeka kumakhodi ochwepheshe okuziphatha angavumela owelaphayo ukuthi athole isiqondiso endaweni yesimanje yomphakathi futhi anakekele kokubili ukuphepha kwamakhasimende awo kanye nawo. Njengamaphuzu anjalo, ngibona, ngokwesibonelo, incazelo ecacile yokusondelana nezincomo kulokho umelaphi okufanele akwenze futhi angafanele akwenze uma kwenzeka ukubuyekezwa okungalungile komphakathi komsebenzi wakhe noma ubuntu bakhe, "kuphetha u-Anastasia Dolganova.