Lapho umhawu ovuthayo, umuzwa wecala, ukukhathazeka, noma omunye umzwelo onamandla wenza impilo yakho ibe nzima, zama ukuthola ukuthi yimiphi imicabango ebangele lokho. Mhlawumbe awawona amaqiniso kakhulu futhi ayingozi? Umsebenzi wokuqaphela nokunciphisa imicabango enjalo wenziwa izazi zokusebenza kwengqondo kwengqondo-yokuziphatha, kodwa ezinye zazo zingenziwa ngokwakho. Isazi sokusebenza kwengqondo uDmitry Frolov siyachaza.
Kunezinkulungwane zemicabango egijima emiqondweni yethu ngaso sonke isikhathi. Eziningi zazo zivela ngaphandle kwesifiso sethu sokwazi. Zivame ukuba yizicucu, ziyashesha futhi azitholakali, zingase zibe ngokoqobo noma zingabi ngokoqobo. Yiqiniso, akunangqondo ukuhlaziya ngayinye yazo.
Thola imbangela
Uma uqaphela ukuthi imizwa yakho iyakukhathaza, khomba umzwelo bese uzibuza: “Yini le engiyicabangayo njengamanje engabangela lo mzwelo?” Ngemva kokuhlaziya imicabango oyitholayo, cishe uyokwazi ukubhekana nenkinga. Ekwelashweni kokuziphatha okunengqondo-ngokomzwelo (REBT), izinkolelo ezingenangqondo zibhekwa njengembangela eyinhloko yemizwa engenampilo, kunezine zayo:
- umsebenzi
- Global Assessment
- nenhlekelele
- Ukungabekezeleli.
1. Izimfuneko (“kufanele”)
Lezi izimfuno absolutist kithi, kwabanye, kanye nomhlaba ukuhambisana nezifiso zethu. "Abantu kufanele bangithande ngaso sonke isikhathi uma ngifuna", "Kufanele ngiphumelele", "Akufanele ngihlupheke", "amadoda kufanele akwazi ukuhola". Ukungabi nangqondo kwesidingo kulele eqinisweni lokuthi akunakwenzeka ukufakazela ukuthi okuthile "kufanele" noma "kufanele" kube ngale ndlela futhi kungabi ngenye indlela. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, "imfuneko" iyona evame kakhulu, eyisisekelo phakathi kwazo zonke izinkolelo, kulula ukuyibona kumuntu ophethwe ukucindezeleka, uhlobo oluthile lokukhathazeka kokukhathazeka, noma enye yezinhlobo zokulutha.
2. “Ukuhlola umhlaba wonke”
Lokhu ukwehlisa izinga lakho noma ukuzicabangela wena nabanye njengomuntu noma umhlaba uwonke: “uzakwethu uyisikhohlakali”, “Ngiyisiphukuphuku”, “umhlaba mubi”. Iphutha ukuthi sikholelwa ukuthi izinto eziyinkimbinkimbi zingancishiswa zibe izici ezithile ezijwayelekile.
3. “Inhlekelele” (“okwethusayo”)
Lona umbono wenkathazo njengento embi kakhulu ngangokunokwenzeka. “Kubi uma ozakwethu bengangithandi”, “kubi uma bengixosha”, “uma indodana yami ithola ideuce esivivinyweni, kuzoba inhlekelele!”. Le nkolelo iqukethe umbono ongenangqondo wesigameko esibi njengento embi kakhulu, efana nokuphela komhlaba. Kodwa ayikho into embi kakhulu emhlabeni, kuhlale kukhona okubi kakhulu. Yebo, futhi esimweni esibi kukhona izinhlangothi ezinhle kithi.
4. Ukungabekezelelani Ukukhungatheka
Kuyisimo sengqondo sezinto eziyinkimbinkimbi njengeziyinkimbinkimbi ngokungabekezeleleki. “Ngeke ngiphile uma bengixosha,” “uma engishiya ngeke ngikwazi ukubekezelela!”. Okungukuthi, uma kwenzeka isenzakalo esingathandeki noma okufiswayo kungenzeki, khona-ke umugqa ongapheli wokuhlupheka nobuhlungu uzoqala. Le nkolelo ayinangqondo ngoba akukho ukuhlupheka okunjalo okungeke kube buthakathaka noma kuphele. Nokho, ngokwako akusizi ukuxazulula inkinga.
Inselele izinkolelo ezingenangqondo
Wonke umuntu unezinkolelo ezingenangqondo, eziqinile, ezingenangqondo. Umbuzo nje wukuthi sisheshe kangakanani ukubhekana nazo, sizihumushele eziphusile futhi singanqotshwa yizo. Umsebenzi omningi owenziwa yi-REBT psychotherapist uwukubekela le mibono inselele.
Inselelo "kufanele" kusho ukuqonda ukuthi thina, noma abanye abantu, noma izwe asiphoqelekile ukuba sivumelane nezifiso zethu. Kodwa ngenhlanhla, singazama ukuzithonya thina, abanye kanye nezwe ukuze senze izifiso zethu zifezeke. Eqaphela lokhu, umuntu angakwazi ukufaka esikhundleni sesidingo se-absolutist ngendlela ethi "kufanele", "kufanele", "kufanele", "okudingekile" ngesifiso esinengqondo "Ngingathanda ukuthi abantu bathande", "Ngifuna ukuphumelela / ukuthola imali ”.
Inselelo "Ukuhlola Komhlaba" ukuqonda ukuthi akekho ongaba “mubi”, “muhle”, “ohluliwe” noma “apholile”. Wonke umuntu unezinzuzo, ububi, impumelelo kanye nokwehluleka, ukubaluleka kanye nezinga lakho elizimele futhi elihlobene.
“Inhlekelele” eyinselele Ungakwazi ngokuzikhumbuza ukuthi nakuba ziningi izigigaba ezimbi kakhulu emhlabeni, asikho nesisodwa kuzo esingaba sibi nakakhulu.
Ukungabekezelelani “ukukhungatheka” okuyinselele, sizofika embonweni wokuthi ziningi ngempela izigigaba eziyinkimbinkimbi emhlabeni, kodwa akukho lutho olungabizwa ngokuthi azibekezeleleki ngempela. Ngale ndlela senza buthaka izinkolelo ezingenangqondo futhi siqinise ezinengqondo.
Ngokombono, lokhu kubonakala kulula futhi kuqondile. Empeleni, kunzima kakhulu ukumelana nezinkolelo ezathathwa kusukela ebuntwaneni noma ebusheni - ngaphansi kwethonya labazali, indawo yesikole kanye nolwazi lwakhe. Lo msebenzi uphumelela kakhulu ngokubambisana ne-psychotherapist.
Kodwa ukuzama ukungabaza imicabango nezinkolelo zakho - ukwenza kabusha, ukushintsha - kwezinye izimo, ungakwenza ngokwakho. Lokhu kwenziwa kangcono kakhulu ngokubhala, ukubekela inselele inkolelo ngayinye isinyathelo ngesinyathelo.
1. Bheka imizwelo kuqalaukuthi njengamanje uzizwa (intukuthelo, umhawu noma, ake sithi, ukucindezeleka).
2. Thola ukuthi unempilo noma cha. Uma kungenampilo, bheka izinkolelo ezingenangqondo.
3. Bese uhlonza isigameko esisiqalisile: akazange athole umlayezo ovela kumuntu obalulekile, akazange amhalalisele ngosuku lwakhe lokuzalwa, akazange amenywe uhlobo oluthile lwephathi, ngosuku. Kufanele uqonde ukuthi umcimbi umane uyisiqalo. Eqinisweni, akusona isenzakalo esithile esisicasulayo, kodwa lokho esikucabangayo ngaso, indlela esichaza ngayo.
Ngakho-ke, umsebenzi wethu ukuguqula isimo sengqondo kulokho okwenzekayo. Futhi ngenxa yalokhu - ukuqonda ukuthi yiluphi uhlobo lwenkolelo engenangqondo efihliwe ngemuva komzwelo ongenampilo. Kungase kube yinkolelo eyodwa kuphela (isibonelo, “imfuneko”), noma ingaba ezimbalwa.
4. Ngena engxoxweni yeSocratic nawe. Umongo wayo uwukubuza imibuzo nokuzama ukuyiphendula ngokwethembeka. Leli yikhono esinalo sonke, lidinga nje ukuthuthukiswa.
Uhlobo lokuqala lwemibuzo lunamandla. Zibuze imibuzo elandelayo ngokulandelana: Kungani nginqume ukuthi kunjalo? Yibuphi ubufakazi obukhona balokhu? Isho kuphi ukuthi bekumele ngimenywe kulo mcimbi wosuku lokuzalwa? Yimaphi amaqiniso afakazela lokhu? Futhi ngokushesha kuvela ukuthi awukho umthetho onjalo - umuntu ongazange ashaye ucingo ukhohlwe nje, noma wayenamahloni, noma wacabanga ukuthi le nkampani ayikuthakazelisi kakhulu - kungaba nezizathu eziningi ezahlukene. Isiphetho esinengqondo singase sibe: “Angithandi ukungamenywa, kodwa kuyenzeka. Bekungafanele bakwenze lokhu.”
Uhlobo lwesibili lwempikiswano luyi-pragmatic, lusebenza kahle. Le nkolelo iletha yiphi inzuzo kimi? Ingisiza kanjani inkolelo yokuthi kufanele ngimenywe ngosuku lwami lokuzalwa? Futhi ngokuvamile kuvela ukuthi lokhu akusizi nganoma iyiphi indlela. Kunalokho, kuyakhungathekisa. Isiphetho esinengqondo singase sibe: “Ngifuna ukubizelwa usuku lwami lokuzalwa, kodwa ngiyaqonda ukuthi bangase bangangibizi, akekho obophekile.”
Amagama anjalo (“ngiyafuna”) ashukumisa ukuba athathe izinyathelo ezithile, abheke izinsiza namathuba okufeza umgomo. Kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuthi ngokuyeka i-absolutist kufanele, asiwuyeki umbono wokuthi asiyithandi into ethile. Kunalokho, sikuqonda kangcono nakakhulu ukunganeliseki kwethu ngalesi simo. Kodwa ngesikhathi esifanayo, siyaqaphela ukuthi iyikho, futhi sifuna ngempela ukuyishintsha.
Inkulumo enengqondo ethi “Ngiyafuna ngempela, kodwa akudingekile” iphumelela kakhulu kunokungenangqondo “kufanele” ekuxazululeni izinkinga nasekufinyeleleni imigomo. Engxoxweni nawe, kuhle ukusebenzisa isingathekiso, izithombe, izibonelo zamafilimu nezincwadi ezibonisa ukuqiniseka kwakho futhi zikuphikisa ngandlela thize. Isibonelo, thola ifilimu lapho iqhawe lingathandwa, likhashelwa, lilahlwa, futhi ubone ukuthi libhekane kanjani nalesi simo. Lo msebenzi uhlukile kumuntu ngamunye.
Ubunkimbinkimbi bayo buncike emandleni ezinkolelo kanye nemiyalelo yazo, ekuthambekeleni, kwengqondo ngisho nezinga lemfundo. Akwenzeki ngaso sonke isikhathi ukuthola ngokushesha inkolelo edinga ukuphonselwa inselelo. Noma ukukhetha izimpikiswano ezinesisindo ezanele "ezimelene". Kodwa uma unikeza izinsuku ezimbalwa ekuzihloleni, okungenani imizuzu engu-30 nsuku zonke, khona-ke inkolelo engenangqondo ingabonakala futhi ibe buthaka. Futhi uzozwa umphumela ngokushesha - umuzwa wokukhanya, inkululeko yangaphakathi nokuvumelana.
Mayelana Nonjiniyela
UDmitry Frolov - udokotela wengqondo, udokotela wengqondo, usihlalo wesigaba se-REBT se-Association of Cognitive Behavioral Therapists, umbhali wencwadi ethi "Psychotherapy nokuthi idliwa ngani?" (AST, 2019).